FIRST&LAST DAVID BADDIEL The acclaimed comedian and writer takes on our Q&A in which he discusses Jimmy Osmond, lying, and lying about Jimmy Osmond

First record you ever bought ‘Devil Woman’ by Cliff Richard. I note another question is ‘Last lie you told’. I never lie. Otherwise I would have done for that answer. Last extravagant purchase you made Hmm. I’m a very unextravagant person. I just bought a new fridge. Not sure you can have an extravagant fridge though.

First film you saw that really moved you ET. I wept and wept and wept.

Last lie you told I don’t lie.

First movie you ever went on a date to Never been on a date.

Last time you cried Listening to an acoustic cover of ‘I Believe in Father Christmas’. I cry easily.

First thing you do when you’ve got time off work I’m always working. Last great meal you cooked I did a roast lamb yesterday and it was good, but felt bad about it as I’m trying to eat less meat.

First crush Jimmy Osmond. Weird. Definitely should have lied about that. Last book you read Reckless Daughter, a biography of Joni Mitchell by David Yaffe.

First great piece of advice you were given ‘Listen: Cliff isn’t cool.’

Last time you were starstruck I met Bowie once. A long time ago. 112 THE LIST 1 Feb–31 Mar 2020

I was, unusually, lost for words. And then he said ‘Hello David’. Still one of the top moments of my life. First thing you’d do if you ran the country Step down from running the country. What a nightmare that would be.

Last meal on earth A never-ending all-you-can-eat buffet.

First time you realised you were famous In an interview with the now defunct FHM where I was relentlessly slagged off.

Last time you exploited your position to get something I occasionally tweet a corporate entity when things aren’t going right between them and me. Last one I did that with was Ryanair.

First three words your friends would use to describe you ‘David David David’. By which I mean I am relentlessly me. I never change. It’s so wearying. Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it I bought a head massager that gives me a headache.

First object you’d save from your burning home After humans and cats, any laptop that had recent work on it. Last person you fantasised about Jimmy Osmond. OK, that is a lie.

First book you read for a second time Ulysses. Didn’t get any better.

Last song at your funeral ‘Three Lions’.

First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech Jimmy O…OK, not funny anymore. Last thing you think of before you go to sleep Why am I still awake? (ps. I’m an insomniac).

First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning What a shit night.

David Baddiel: Trolls Not the Dolls, Gilded Balloon Basement at Rose Theatre, Edinburgh, Fri 6 Mar; Motherwell Concert Hall, Sat 7 Mar; King’s Theatre, Glasgow, Sun 8 Mar. See more of this q&a at

NEXT ISSUE 1 APR Spring is upon us and it’s the season for scran, science and The Sopranos. We run the rule over the Edinburgh and Glasgow food and drink scene with the latest edition of our bestselling Eating & Drinking Guide. The capital opens its doors and minds with the International Science Festival, and Christopher Moltisanti, Sal ‘Big Pussy’ Bonpensiero and Bobby Baccalà (well, the actors who played them) will be in Scotland to discuss The Sopranos, a mere 21 years after its very first episode.