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FIRST&LAST
JOE LYCETT The acclaimed stand-up, panel show legend, and cheeky author of Parsnips, Buttered takes on our q&a First film you saw that really moved you I remember weeping silently in bed after watching Titanic.
Last lie you told I’ve got a small penis.
First movie you ever went on a date to I don’t date darling, how crass.
Last time you cried Last week I put what I thought was a bath bomb in the tub and it was actually a bath bar, an inferior cousin which doesn’t fizz and is hugely disappointing. Then I found out that my cat was dead. Then I remembered I don’t have a cat. Then I cried. First crush There was a girl in primary school I had the hots for, but then I said her legs looked like sausages and it was all over.
Last time you were starstruck Genuinely, it was when I was about 14 and saw Alison Hammond in a Birmingham shopping centre. I couldn’t believe it. First thing you’d do if you ran the country Give myself absolute power with the intention of ruling with a cruel iron fist.
Last meal on earth: what would it be A long one. First song you’ll sing at karaoke ‘Lose Yourself’ by Eminem. I know the final verse by heart. It’s very impressive.
Last time you exploited your position to get something Securing this interview to sell tickets for my tour, which are on sale at joelycett.com 128 THE LIST 1 Apr–31 May 2018
P H O T O :
M A T T C R O C K E T T
Last person you L t fantasised about Gail Platt. First word you spoke Hiya!!!
Last time you committed a crime If money laundering is a crime, then last Thursday.
First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech Alison Hammond. Last thing you think of before you go to sleep I need a piss.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning I should’ve gone for that piss.
Parsnips, Buttered is out now in paperback published by Hodder & Stoughton; Joe Lycett: I’m About to Lose Control and I Think Joe Lycett is at O2 Academy, Glasgow, Tue 12 Jun. Other Scottish shows are later in the year. Full tour dates at list.co.uk/ comedy
NEXT ISSUE 1 JUN Come June, summer is officially here, bringing an array of events to keep your cultural world ticking over. Leading the way is the Edinburgh International Film Festival while excitement is brewing over the Glasgow Science Festival, Kelvingrove Park’s Summer Nights at the Bandstand, Leith Festival, TRNSMT, and the Glasgow Jazz Festival. The Edinburgh Festival dominates August – keep an eye out for our Festival Guide in July and our weekly festival issues throughout August..
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li d First time you realised you Fi were famous Being asked this question, just now.
Last time someone criticised your work Last time I checked Twitter. First three words your friends would use to describe you ‘He’s not very good at answering three-word questions in three words’.
Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it I’ve got a lot of shit clothes.
First object you’d save from your burning home The £600,000 in cash I’ve stored in a cavity in my housemate’s abdomen.
Last funny thing you saw online There’s a clip about this dude who got a parking fine which is HYSTERICAL. First job Selling guttering over the phone. Grim.