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JASON BYRNE The freewheeling Irish comic is careering around the country on his The Man With Three Brains tour, and is also set to host a new outdoors gameshow for Dave. Here, he discusses flowers, Full Metal Jacket and fire extinguishers First record you ever bought It was ‘Beat It’ by Michael Jackson. I had no money as a kid so I’d always play my brother’s records and I could only play them when he was out. He once beat me in his bedroom for playing his Lynyrd Skynyrd album. Last extravagant purchase I bought a painting of the west of Ireland by this amazing lady who only does paintings of the Atlantic Ocean: it was about £300 but for me that was extravagant. First date movie Full Metal Jacket, which wouldn’t have been a big barrel of laughs. But she enjoyed it: she turned out to be a tough individual. The other thing I remember was that I had two bags of shopping with me.
Last crime you committed I murdered a family of crows. First crush Wonder Woman and her very high pants. Last time you were starstruck Local heroes impress me more than stars. First song you’ll sing at karaoke ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’. Because I’m such a worrier, that kind of miserable title attracts me.
Last time you exploited your position to get something I jumped the queue in an Edinburgh joke shop to get the last piece of fake shit. First time you realised you were famous When I jumped the queue to buy some fake shit. 128 THE LIST 1 Nov 2017–31 Jan 2018
Last time someone criticised your work The audience every night. A guy heckled me in Edinburgh at one show, so I picked him up out of his seat, kicked open the exit door, put him in the lane and closed the door. He never came back. First three words your friends would use to describe you Total utter tit. Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it I bought three sausage dogs but only had room for one, so I gave my mates the other two. First concert you ever attended Mama’s Boys in Dublin, 1988, when I was 16. My mate Carl was two years older than me and brought alcohol with him. He was passed out on a pillar inside the gig while I was just standing over him crying because I didn’t know what to do. I’d never seen a young person hammered. I was only 16 and hadn’t drunk any alcohol at all. Last time you bought someone flowers My dead grandmother for her grave.
First object you’d save from your burning home A fire extinguisher. Last funny thing you saw online Chris Eubank talking about the Conor McGregor fight. First job Collecting trolleys in a supermarket. Payment was a can of Coke and packet of crisps.
Last person you fantasised about My wife, of course!!! First person you’d thank in an award acceptance speech Myself. Last thing you think of before you go to sleep Myself. First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning Myself.
Jason Byrne: The Man With Three Brains is at the Alhambra Theatre, Dunfermline, Sat 4 Nov; Byrne hosts Don’t Say It, Bring It on Dave, Mon 13–Fri 17, Mon 20–Fri 24 Nov, 7pm.
NEXT ISSUE THU 1 FEB After the trials and traumas thrown at us all by 2017, we can all do with a good laugh. Thank the blazes, then, that the Glasgow International Comedy Festival is not far off. Among those seeking to put smiles back on our faces are David Baddiel, Mat Ewins, Mae Martin, Iain Connell and Richard Herring. If cinema is more your bag, then Glasgow is also the proud host of a film festival which, in 2018, will focus on the Coen Brothers with screenings of classics including The Big Lebowski (pictured), Blood Simple, Fargo and No Country for Old Men.