MAILBOX ASK BOB
Bob Servant, window cleaning kingpin and beneficiary of Dundee’s Cheeseburger Wars, turns Agony Uncle for The List
Ladies and Gentlemen of Scotland,
I am writing both to say hello and, tragically, to say goodbye. Over the last few years I have improved the miserable lives of so many of you through my much-admired Ask Bob column. Alas, all good things come to an end (just look at Larry Hagman, or Comet) and I’m afraid that with my telly career about to go off like Hiroshima, Ask Bob is over. With the arrival of my TV show in the New Year I will finally give this country an ageing,
eccentric television personality that they can be proud of, and I’m sure no one will be prouder than you lot. It’s going to be like Beatlemania. Men will want to be me, skirt will want to see me. The Broughty Ferry punters will sink their teeth into me like jackels and that’s not even a metaphor.
All that remains is to wish you a terrific Christmas. It’s always lively here in Broughty Ferry. Last year Frank read in a magazine at the dentists how normal folk go on Christmas nights and photocopy their bottoms. We didn’t have a photocopier so we just sketched each other instead and, inevitably, it ended with an argument. Like I told Frank at the time, the whole point of a caricature is that you emphasise someone’s weaker points and if they suffer from insecurity then they shouldn’t put themselves forward in the first place.
So have a wonderful Christmas and do old Bob one last favour. On Christmas morning, turn over and wake up your partner by leaning into their faces and whispering, with a wee smile, ‘Bob says hello.’ And those of you who fly solo, go round to your neighbours, slip in through a window, quietly approach them in bed and do the same. Because they deserve it. And so do you.
Merry Christmas my friends and, for the last time, Your Servant, Bob Servant
For the best of Ask Bob see list.co.uk. Bob Servant: Independent is on BBC4 in early 2013.
THE QUESTION
HOGMANAY PLANS? We ask the question, you give the answer. Join in on Twitter @thelistmagazine and Facebook
Kirstyn Smith I’m going to watch all the Saws and drink Cosmopolitans from a can. Debbie Thomson House party with my palios! Fizz and friends, what more could you ask for?
Daemons Stonehaven, big party, fireballs, booze. @JenBowden12 We’re going to watch the fireballs in Stonehaven then have a LoTR movie marathon #hogmanay
Heeliegoleerie ceilidh band We’re looking forward to playing Hogmanay at The Queen’s Hall, Edinburgh.
@hannahjewan New Year’s Day BBQ on the beach at our new house (no hangover can withstand that!) #TheQuestion
David Evans Planning to get pissed. @sonnymarvello Stalking about the squinty bridge, on the game. Simon Phoenix Trying to prevent my wife from throttling my mother. Yay.
Luke Langlands Proving the Mayans wrong. And drinking crap lager.
■ See page 35 for our Hogmanay guide, and pages 80 and 85 for Hogmanay clubs in Glasgow and Edinburgh respectively.
2 THE LIST 13 Dec 2012–24 Jan 2013
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