HALLOWE’EN SPECIAL
ROSS NOBLE NOBLE SPIRITS
We asked Ross Noble, stand up comedian and star of new horror fi lm Stitches, if he knew any good ghost stories. He responded with haunted Scottish castles, disfi gured paintings . . . and Edwina Currie Interview: Niki Boyle
‘I can’t really think of any great horror books . . . oh, actually, any of Edwina Currie’s audio books. I reckon if you were to mix Edwina Currie reading out her book, and just put the sound of dripping water behind it . . . You know those sex books that she writes? I i nd Edwina Currie to be one of the creepiest beings on the planet, and the fact that she’s got this weird sex thing going on – you know that sort of, “She walked into the room, her lips quivered.” If you imagine that, with like, “drip . . . drip . . . drip . . .” and the occasional creaking door, I think that’d be the most terrifying thing on Earth.
‘I don’t really believe in ghosts. It’s one of those things where I wouldn’t rule it out, but no, I’ll go on the record and say, no, I don’t believe in ghosts. And the reason being that I think, there could be some sort of energy that the dead release that maybe we don’t understand. Every culture has their folklore, their myths, and if you look back through history, it’s all based on stuff they didn’t understand. They’ve just i lled in the gaps and went, “Well, if it’s this or it’s that, it must be ghosts then.” I think there’s something there that we don’t understand, and we just call them ghosts.
‘Mind you, I did stay in a hotel, up in Scotland actually, although I can’t for the life of me remember the name, but we stayed in this country house, like a castle, up in the Highlands. They had this big picture, and one of the family members, the husband, his face had been scrubbed out. It was a giant oil painting on the wall, and his face had been scrubbed out, because his wife had caught him having an affair, so she got some paint remover . . . And this picture is hundreds of years old, and they never restored it. ‘So there’s this giant oil painting, and the face is missing, and then the wife threw herself over the balcony, and apparently her ghost has been seen in this one room, this tiny little box room which is supposed to be the most haunted room in the castle. So I was up there doing some gigs in the Highlands and Islands, and my crew were like, “Oh, that’s really scary,” and I was like, “Ah, don’t be silly, give us the key,” and I slept in that room for the night. I must admit, when I turned out the light, I was like, “Errr, this is a bit creepy.” I would like to remember where that was actually, so if you could print that, and people could tweet me [@RealRossNoble], and tell me where the hotel is that has that picture with the husband’s face removed, that’d be great.’
Stitches is released on Fri 26 Oct; Ross’s Mindblender tour calls in at The Playhouse, Edinburgh on Mon 1 Nov, and the Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow, on Tue 2 & Wed 3 Nov. For more of Ross’s thoughts on Hallowe’en and Stitches, read the full interview at list.co.uk.
weighs 30lbs, it only misses you by 5”, it’s never fun. I put my head in there every night going, ‘Please don’t let this be the last night’. To make it look right you have to have an element of danger. ‘To me horror, comedy and hard rock all seem to be in bed together. I just did Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp and Suck with Malcolm McDowell. I love doing horror i lms because I think I appreciate them for all the right reasons. Rarely do you see a good scary movie any more, an original one. 30 Days of Night was a good scary movie; Silent Hill was good; the original Salem’s Lot was one of the great vampire movies of all time; a lot of Dario Argento’s Italian horror movies, like Suspiria, are great. A lot of other stuff is very schlocky and kind of silly but I watch it anyway because it’s fun.
‘Taking the lead in Monster Dog (1985) was very weird. I’d just i nished my drinking career, I had just gotten out of rehab and I really wanted to see if I could work sober. So I went to Spain and did this movie and of course it became one of the great turkeys of all time, which I love. That’s the kind of movie I rent. But it proved to me I could work sober. I’m just glad they didn’t want to do a sequel. ‘I watch Ghost Hunters all the time on TV, in fact Ghost Hunters International are always in Scotland wandering around in castles. 80% of the time they can debunk castles. 80% of the time they can debunk it, the other 20% I think there is dei nitely a it, the other 20% I think there is dei nitely a supernatural dimension that isn’t something supernatural dimension that isn’t something you want to get involved in to be honest. I you want to get involved in to be honest. I think you can open those doors and you think you can open those doors and you don’t know what’s going to crawl don’t know what’s going to crawl through so be careful about doing through so be careful about doing
séances and ouija boards. séances and ouija boards.
time we go time we go ‘Every to ‘Every to Edinburgh we go to the castle Edinburgh we go to the castle and see all the witchy places and see all the witchy places there and i nally someone there and i nally someone took me seriously and took me seriously and said, ‘Let’s do Edinburgh said, ‘Let’s do Edinburgh on Hallowe’en.’ You on Hallowe’en.’ You know how they have the know how they have the cities bidding for the cities bidding for the Olympics, Edinburgh Olympics, Edinburgh won this year, you won this year, you want to be with Alice want to be with Alice Cooper on Hallowe’en Cooper on Hallowe’en night [laughs].’ night [laughs].’
Alice Cooper plays Alice C Alice Cooper plays
the Usher Hall, the Usher Hall, Edinburgh, Edinburgh,
Wed 31 Oct. Wed 31 Oct. For the full For the full interview interview see list. see list. co.uk co.uk
18 Oct–15 Nov 2012 THE LIST 21 18 Oc