FirstWord Ben Miller
One half of The Armstrong and Miller Show wishes he had a better singles collection, a handkerchief and Carol Vorderman
First record you ever bought ‘Wild West Hero’ by ELO. A shame because the second one was much cooler: ‘Boys Keep Swinging’ by David Bowie. The third one was ‘The Birdie Song’ though so I have to be grateful. First film you saw that really moved you Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I watched it on TV as there was no cinema in Crewe where I grew up. It’s still one of my favourite films, perfectly poised as it is on its slender hind legs, teetering between comedy and drama.
First movie you ever went on a date to I think it was Kramer Vs Kramer, when I was at sixth form college. Not a great choice, as from what I can remember it’s about Dustin Hoffman going through a very messy divorce. It got worse as the following week we went to see Ishtar.
Last time you cried Watching The X Factor. Any old muppet hits a high note and I’m in bits. First thing you do when you’ve got time off work Play with my son. Which generally involves pretending to be the Gruffalo.
Last great meal you cooked Sunday lunch for a group of friends, roast chicken with all the bells and whistles. Then we went to the Notting Hill Carnival, which gives you some idea how long ago that was.
This fortnight on list.co.uk
Did we mention we're having a birthday event at The Arches? In case you haven't heard e-bloody-nough about it, you can test our magnificent Spotify playlist of the performing artists. Head to: www.list.co.uk/party
2 THE LIST 21 Oct–4 Nov 2010
Last extravagant purchase you made I bought a tweed jacket from Aubin & Wills. Sadly I look like Rod Stewart’s gamekeeper.
First crush Lesley Judd from Blue Peter. I remember there was some expedition where she jumped out of a boat and got her t-shirt wet. That was a defining moment for me. Last book you read I am really enjoying How I Escaped My Certain Fate by Stewart Lee. He’s an expert comedian and I am trying to glean all I can.
First great piece of advice you were given Always carry a handkerchief. I never do. Last time you were star struck When I met Eddie Izzard backstage after one of his O2 gigs. He had turned the whole backstage area into a Moroccan souk, which sort of added to the effect.
Last meal on earth – what would it be? If you mean my favourite meal, that’s a hamburger from Banners in Crouch End. If you mean what would I eat before the world ended, I’d have something a bit lighter, like, say, a chicken and avocado salad.
Last time you exploited your position to get something My position? As a middle-aged TV comedian? What sort of perks do you think I get? Discounts on charcoal briquettes? Last time someone criticised your work The audience are the most important critics. If they don’t laugh then you do your level best to fix it.
Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it I’m not sure I’m ever going to get full use out of my boxing gloves.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning Carol Vorderman. Last thing you think of before you go to sleep Carol Vorderman.
First song you’ll sing at karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ by Queen and David Bowie purely for its comic potential. First three words your friends would use to describe you Intense. Balding. Barmcake.
■ The Armstrong & Miller Show Live, King’s Theatre, Glasgow, 22 & 23 Oct; Festival Theatre, Edinburgh, 24 Oct.
WeLike The things making our world just that little bit better
■ Firstly this fortnight we're enjoying a good chuckle at the news that Lady Gaga is the most deleted artist on Last.fm profiles. It seems that ol' meaty features’ music is a guilty pleasure that many fans would rather keep under their hat.
strummin', fast drivin' cats in Holy Fuck's new one, 'Red Lights'. And finally
Anthropomorphic thrills come from two new music videos – we'd like to see some kind
of highly-trained domestic pet showdown between the precision-timed pups in OK GO's new vid for 'White Knuckles' and the drum playin', bass
this week we're all for reminding the kids of a time when people actually bothered to suspended their disbelief occasionally and imagined that Bagpuss was a real cat. Fire up the YouTubes, show them 'Bits in Pieces' (bit.ly/966lwA) watch it blow their little Pixar-warped minds. It's a digital-age action adventure, rendered entirely with analogue techniques, from cardboard laptops to bits of string and crêpe paper explosions, and not a blue screen in sight.