INVISIBLE DOT BY THE SEA
flicker of intelligence. I can play games with him. He hides. LIST Is he any good at the bat and ball? AH No. Playing catch with him is hilarious, because he watches you throw it, then literally about three seconds later, he moves his hands. So if you throw another one, three seconds later, it’s great. He’s also learned a joke: someone gave him a flyer, and he threw it away, because that’s just what he does, he throws things. But everybody laughed, and now he knows that’s funny, so every time someone gives him a flyer, and of course they give it straight to him, he throws it away. JS Do you still have to laugh now to make him feel good. AH I think it’s still funny! Especially when it’s someone quite earnestly giving him a flyer. JLR [to The List] Can we answer some questions about the coalition government? LIST What do you think of the coalition government? JLR I love it. Jonny, I voted Conservative because of you and the documentary you did [actually a dramatisation, When Boris Met Dave]. AH My dad just joined the Labour Party. JLR I was being ironic before, by the way. Can we put that in? Or something like, ‘ . . . he said, ironically?’ LIST We may have to say you were dictating the tone. JLR Well, put that I said, ‘he said, ironically,’ ironically. He said, ironically. LIST How is everyone feeling about their show? JLR I’m feeling quite sick ahead of my show. JS I used to get diarrhoea before a show. AH What is diarrhoea again? Slippery shits? JLR Yeah. AH Yeah, horrible. JS I’ve had it a couple of times, so far. JLR So far . . . in your life? JS Well, not on the bus! I used to be sick before every show I did. JLR That was to lose weight though, wasn’t it? JS Yeah, my weight was a terrible issue . . . I also have natural shakes. AH And you’re a quarter deaf, is that right? JS Yes, and I had grommets. JLR Wow, you’re a real success story. AH My cousin wore callipers when I was little. JS Is that the ones . . . AH . . . on your legs, yes. JLR I couldn’t speak till I was five. JS Really? Bluff? AH Bluff? JLR No, that’s true. I made noises, but I didn’t really make any words. AH None? JLR None.
JS What sort of noises? JLR Aaooaeughal. I thought I was speaking. AH What did your parents think? JLR They thought I was stupid. AH And now you’re a poet? JLR Not really, no. AH Sort of. A comedian. JLR Yes, well. Aren’t jokes poetry, really? LIST That sounds like a sign-off line. JLR You could say at the end, that comedy is like a beach. LIST In what way? JLR Oh no, don’t explain it; just have that as a pullout quote. Comedy is like a beach.
The Invisible Dot Club: By The Sea, location tbc, Portobello, 623 3030, 20 Aug, 8pm, £tbc; Alex Horne: Odds, Pleasance Courtyard, 556 6550, until 30 Aug, 8.30pm, £9.50-£10.50 (£8-£9); The Horne Section, Pleasance Dome, 556 6550, 23–26 Aug, 12.20am, £7; Jonny Sweet, Pleasance Courtyard, 556 6550, until 30 Aug, 7.30pm, £10–£12 (£9–£10.50); John-Luke Roberts, Pleasance Dome, 556 6550, until 30 Aug, 8.10pm, £9.50–£10.50 (£8–£9). 19–26 Aug 2010 THE LIST 15