FirstWord GORDON SMITH
Medium Gordon Smith gets his super power on and talks Diana Ross, Slumdog Millionaire and bionic women
First record you ever bought ‘Cum On Feel The Noize’ by Slade. Last time you were chatted up Must be ten years ago.
First film you saw that really moved you Slumdog Millionaire.
Last lie you told Probably five minutes ago when I met the Cabinet Minister Tessa Jowell. I said I thought she’d win the next election.
First movie you ever went on a date to Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.
Last time you cried I think last week. I was watching something on telly. First thing you do when you’ve got time off work Take my dog somewhere fabulous.
Last great meal you cooked I cooked Indian about two weeks ago. That was fantastic. Last extravagant purchase you made It was about a year ago and I bought a beautiful Armani coat.
First crush I think it was a bionic woman.
Last book you read Can I say my own? Cos I’ve just finished proof-reading my own book. First great piece of advice you were given When I was a kid I think my aunt told me it was the poor people who suffered most in this world, or something like that. I remember it sticking.
Last time you were star struck I met Shirley MacLaine in Hollywood, and she took me for lunch. I had nothing to talk about. In the end we talked about pizza.
First thing you’d do if you ran the country Probably try to do something about violence. Abolish anything to do with violence. Last meal on earth — what would it be? I’\m not exactly sure what it would be but I know where it would be. It would be the Column D’Or restaurant in France. Actaully, it would probably be bread, cheese and wine.
First song you’ll sing at karaoke The Temptations’ ‘My Girl’.
Last time you exploited your position to get something I’d like to say never, but probably . . . about a year ago; I think I used it to get tickets to Mamma Mia. First time you realised you were famous I don’t know that I even do, but a while ago someone stopped me on a train and told me I was fantastic, and I thought, ‘I don’t know what for’.
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Last time someone criticised your work I was in Greece less than a year ago and a psychiatrist and I had a great big fight and he said that I had a mental illness and should be locked up.
First concert you ever attended I think it was Diana Ross in Glasgow. Last time you bought someone flowers My mother for her birthday.
First three words your friends would use to describe you Oh, God I don’t know. Does that not seem totally egocentric to say which words your friends would use to describe you? [Consults friend] Balanced, truthful, fair. Oh, that’s nice. Glad I asked now! Last time you made an impulse buy and regretted it I went out to buy a video and I came back with a bungalow. Best say no more and leave it at that.
First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning How lucky I am to still have my faculties. Last thing you think of before you go to sleep If I’ve had a good drink I’m not able to think. But probably: ‘That’s got to be the last drink’.
■ Gordon Smith plays Theatre Royal, Glasgow, Sat 15 Aug, 7.30pm, £17–£21.
■ This week, we like Radiohead’s back catalogue finally coming to Spotify, and Charlie Brooker’s panel show. Just because we do. We also like wearing sweetie necklaces in celebration of classic Glasgow sweet shop I Love Candy opening up an Edinburgh branch, and, similarly, plan to 2 THE LIST 13–20 Aug 2009
work out the rest of the week with Hula Hoops adorning our fingers. We also like getting our five-a-day from cocktails just now, which gives you a pretty good indication of the collective state of health round ListTowers. Being the kind of oddballs who always found Danny Zuko a little too clean cut, we’re kind of enjoying John
Travolta as a baddie in The Taking of Pelham 123. You’ve found your true calling, fella. You don’t have to thank us. Finally, we like the sound of Scottish Ballet’s new Petrushka, set in 1990s Russia! Being partial to a dodgy stereotype, we’re thinking furs, shellsuit tops over the tutus and gold hoop earrings, alright? Sort it out, costumiers. You don’t have to thank us, either.