her mother or sister were still alive.
‘I think my mother would have been profoundly uncomfortable about the book. because of the facts of her life being open territory.‘ She slows down her words. enunciating each separately. ‘Because. It‘s. Embarrassing! This is my line of work. and I am used to the paradoxes of being a writer: you’re not being self-revelatory. you‘re telling a story. It doesn’t feel like you. or like members of your family when you’re writing them down.’
This is an important distinction to make. and vital to understanding the creation of the book. Galloway has written about real people's lives before: Clara (2002) is a novel. not a biography. about Clara Wieck Schumann. the 19th century pianist and wife of Robert Schumann. The process of turning those lives into fiction was. she says. ‘almost exactly the same‘ as putting together This is Not About Me
‘Creating credible psychologies for historical characters is really a matter of empathy. You can't necessarily do that when you‘re dealing with people this close to you.‘ she explains. ‘That's one reason why their names were slightly changed. so I could exercise freedom in interpreting their psychologies. I am not that age any more. Those people aren't alive any more. So this is a reconstruction job. It’s not that different from recreating Robert and Clara: I just can‘t go to a library and research these people!‘
We speak about Muriel Spark. who Galloway interviewed for a national newspaper when Spark‘s own autobiography. Citrrit'ulum Vitae was published in [992. Sparks approach to studying her own life was fact-based: indeed. she included an introduction that stated that absolutely everything in the book had been verified with family members.
‘I found that astonishing. That she had sought verification about how she did at school? About how she behaved towards her own mother‘." Her mock-outrage is almost gleeful. ‘I think life is much fudgier than that.’ she says. 'I do. I think the dividing line between what‘s true and what‘s not true is very fudgy indeed.’
Near the beginning of the book. there's a quietly loaded scene. Janice's 40-year-old
Janice Galloway This is Not About Me
‘FROM A YOUNG AGE, I HAD A PROPENSITY FOR DRAWING THINGS IN THROUGH THE EYES'
mother is singing in the kitchen and slowly realises that her waters have broken and that this is a baby. not ‘the change’. coming. Galloway herself cannot possibly have known this: she's pieced it together from what she knows about her own birth. and what she understands about her mother. Psyches can be dressed up and historical 'truth’ may be pliable. but Galloway is a passionate advocate of the veracity of every individual’s own emotional truth. and the sanctity of a memory. particularly early childhood memories.
‘So many of us tell kids that certain things they remember didn‘t happen. because we didn‘t
want them to see it. We all do it. The whole of
childhood. I think. is a long walk down a very confusing corridor. with different things
Clockwise from below: Galloway’s home town of Saltcoats, Janice aged tour, in a rare snap with
both her parents, Janice the toddler, at a family wedding, Galloway today
happening through every door you pass and none of them in any way explicable. You just have to somehow light your way through and make what sense you can of it. I found that from a very young age. I had a propensity for drawing things in through the eyes. I watched them. It wasn’t very safe. sometimes. to say things..so you start to shut up . . . but to validate yourself. you watch.‘
This is Not About Me is not set out like a conventional memoir. There are no photographs, beyond the shot on the cover; there‘s no introduction. or footnotes. In freeing herself up to address her family. and her past self. as characters. and in allowing herself that slight. fudgy disassociation, she’s created something that doesn’t necessarily speak universal ‘truth’. but is nonetheless shot through with clear-eyed emotional honesty.
‘I needed that bit of assistance to write this as a story — just giving it as much distance as I felt was valuable. I didn’t just want to make it about’ she pauses. sighs, ‘about me. In all the writing I‘ve done so far. I‘ve always wanted the people to be representative of everybody, in some regard. There ought to be something, in these people. that people recognise. have felt. It’s not about me.‘
This is Not About Me by Janice Galloway is out now, published by Granta, priced £16.99. The full transcript of this interview is available online at www.list.co.uk
4—18 Sep 2008 THE LIST 17