Festival vir ins
At various points over the last few weeks I have been referred to as an ‘Edinburgh Virgin'. The more I think about it the more connections I see between my time here and my first sexual experience. Nervousness. sweat. the bad weather. the applause. the reviews. the constant self-doubt. not being able to walk properly afterwards, the fighting off of disease and of course the huge amount of money the whole thing is costing me. And just like the time a few months ago when I lost my virginity l have no doubt that the whole thing is worth it. I've already learnt and grown so much as a human being and a comic.
5 Fabulous festival nudes
New lloctrlc Ballroom Ladies. have we not all dreamed of having our very own fishmonger stripped bare. hosed down and scrubbed by our older siSIers before he is presented to us in a glittery blue suit? And there’s even a post-nude song to commemorate the moment.
malt/4.48 Poyoho Poland‘s answer to Angelina Jolie. Magdalena Cielecka strips down not once. but twice in these two heavy duty theatre pieces. She answers the male audience members‘ prayers in both the Polish spectaculars hitting the International Festival. All completely
‘PICK UP ANY BUTTS YOU FIND AND KEEP THEM IN YOUR POCKET'
I've learnt you should orin Google your name once an hour rather than every 20 minutes. l learned that the human body can survive on orin one Angus burger a day. I learned where all of my posters are and the best route to the Pleasance from my flat that allows me to pass by them all. I‘ve learnt that having good PR brings in more punters than good jokes
olo Enough said.
intrinsic to the plot you understand.
66 THE LIST FESTIVAL MAGAZINE 71 Aug 12 Set) 2008
Forooltlno Lamont
Josh Howie remembers the first we and asks-thei‘frobing questions
(although I've got some of those too).
I've learnt that it's really hard to have a 5
conversation with anybody for longer than two minutes before bringing it back round to how your show is doing. I've learnt that if we could somehow harness the ego of the comic we would have a near limitless energy supply. I‘ve learnt that the housing market is in decline.
And yet. there’s still so much more to take in, more questions that need to be answered: Can I get the price of my gym membership back if I‘ve only been in once and that was to use the toilet? (The muscliest Jew at the Fringe award goes to that damn lan Stone again — one day Stone . . .) When a comic or promoter tells you how well a show is selling. can you believe them? If you want to know how many people were really in a show basically divide what anyone says by a third and then minus one: the comic does not count as an audience member no matter how funny the heckles were. Is it possible to reject a flyer by saying ‘lt's cool thanks I'm a comic' without sounding a total cock? Can you go and see a friend's show without ending up trapped in the first row where you then have to spend an hour avoiding direct eye with each other while fixing a huge grin to your face that makes you look like you've just inhaled some ‘Joker gas' and makes your jaw ache for the next two days? Is it manslaughter or murder if you kill someone unconnected with the festival who tells you to just ‘Enjoy it‘? I Josh Howie — Chosen, P/easance Courtyard, 556 6550, until 24 Aug, 9.45pm, l.‘9.5()-£.‘70.5O (E8439).
Scott Capurro
Capurro takes the metaphor of stand-up-as-masturbation to its logical conclusion by pulling down his trousers and pants and indulging in some on stage onanism. Stay Out of the front
AT WE HAV E R
I Carol Leifer’s hours only last 45
minutes. i I And Felix Dexter's are only 50
minutes.
; I Free comedy isn’t always free.
I Free comedy isn‘t always shit.
I Steven Berkoff has a penchant for
E Gregg’s. I Scottish kids TV legend and all-round
lovely man Glen Micnael is 82 years old.
I Christine Hamilton’s lap is a cosy place to have a nap mid-show.
I Do not sit behind a row of teenagers
: in a sexually explicit play.
I Achtung Pal is almost certainly
the worst comedy show in the
history 01‘ the Fringe. Four one-star reviews at this year’s Beano. I Saggy Y—fronts do not make good
costumes.
I If you work for a comedian try not to laugh hysterically before the punchlines, it kind of jars.
I Just because the flyer says ‘sexually explicit‘ doesn't mean it is.
I Don’t pay to see children or
animals. I Some peeple actually give thanks for
bad reviews of their shows. It helps them ‘grow and improve as artists‘.
I A great strategy for getting through to the theatre or comedy editor of your choice: phone up The List offices claiming someone just
' phoned your number and you
missed the call. We fell for it loads.
I Simon Amstell is the most-spotted
man at the Fringe, despite not having a show on. And he looks good in
Raybans.
Jim llooo Clrouo
A woman's bottom. Blue paint. You knowthestory. Or. ifyou don't. it involves bare behinds and impressive trajectories. Again. stay out of the front rows. And the back ones for that matter - she's a good shot.
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