She’s the ordinary Stockport housewife who’s conquered the stand-up circuit with her infectious humour and zany audience participation. Mrs Barbara Nice confesses there’s nothing she loves more than dancing while doing the dishes
Which time in history would you love to have lived? And why? Music Hall tzme. I would like to have seen Marie 1 loyd.
Your house is on fire; loved ones and pets are safe. You can retrieve one thing, what would it be?
My handbag
What would be your ideal birthday present? lhele's a bind that needs putting up in
the back bearaom
What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly in one go over the last five years?
'n‘. a good sec-per sol take:t for
granted and don't bother counting.
Those '.'.-'i‘.o l‘.él‘.‘(3 trouble should try lIorIicks.
What was the last thing you stole?
lo..r sachets of sugar from Morrison's t:afeiI\/1onda,..
What’s your least favourite country? And why?
Don't Ki".()“.'.’_ haven't been (2\./(2nh.'.rlft2r(>. My husband t'lon't fly
If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability what would it be?
Putting up blinds.
Do you consider yourself organised? How often do you have to look for your keys? More often than not.
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Rear View ANSWER MACHINE
MRS BARBARA NICE
How many times a day do you look in the mirror? Only when I have to.
You could quit your job and start afresh tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new. What would you choose to do?
I'd nave a vegetable shop which was also a bakery and cafe that turned into a cabaret bar of a night.
Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke? Pat.
What, if anything, is too serious to joke about?
Nothing. as long as it's a really good jOkC.
What’s your favourite biscuit? Nice of course.
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
"My Way'. l-veryone has it and we're all fed up With it,
Have you ever exploited your position to get something? Did
you get the results you hoped for?
When I was a school dinner lady I often took leftover trays of Manchester Iart home. I would then give them to friends and family. I veryone v-xas very pleased with the arrangement.
How big do you tip in restaurants?
Don't like tipping. Ihey should get pa:d properly in the first place.
When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book? Laughed at a woman's bottom in Top Saute magamne yesterday. It was one of those before and after things and her bum was a right mess ~- all dimply and withered looking. Then she used some cream and the next photo was unbelievable smooth as a plump peach. What was funny was she only gave the treatment seven out of ten for what was a bloody miracle. There's no pleasing some people!
Do gentlemen prefer blondes? In my experience gentlemen prefer anyone who will wash. clean and cook for them as well as laughing at therr Jokes.
What’s your biggest regret? My husband Ken.
Who would you like to play you in the film of your life? Julie Walters.
Who do you actually think would play you? Helena Bonham Carter.
When did you last dance? What was the occasion?
This morning. A good song came on the radio while I was washing up.
When did you last cry? This morning. A sad song came on the radio while I was drying up.
What makes you good at what you do? Experience and liking havrng a laugh.
What’s your lucky number? Can you tell me how it has proved to be so?
Seven. Because if you think of it and then semeone asks you to name a vegetable you'll always say carrot.
Are you a cat or dog person? Neither really (though I've had both). It's not nice having to take them to the vet to be put down at the end.
What’s your all-time favourite sitcom? Why?
Phoenix Nights because I get repeat fees.
What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a man/woman for? Fifteen minutes in Spain.
And was it successful or not? Yes. I got my handbag back in the end.
What do you like least about your life? The ironing.
What do you like best about your life? Havrng a good laugh.
I Mrs Barbara Nice: Hiya and Higher, The Stand. Edinburgh, Fri 3~ Sun 26 Aug. (5.30pm, 1‘5) 15.58;.
8001' CAMP
We have grown accustomed to wet, wintry weather over the summer months. Enter this season’s must-have item: the welly. Below are some facts about the humble footwear
I Long before making its name as a mobile phone
96 THE LIST "/
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manufacturer. Nokia was one of the best-known producers of wellies in the world.
I In an alternative to casual Fridays. workers in Africa perform a welly boot dance to raise their spirits during a hard day's graft.
I In 1852. Charles Goodyear (inventor of Goodyear tyres)
instant hit.
I The farming town of Taihape. New Zealand. claims to be the gumboot capital of the world and hosts annual events celebrating the
introduced the boot to France. where 92% of the population worked in fields wearing wooden clogs. Needless to say. they were an
footwear. These include trying to break the world record for the longest boot throw. Some
981 people competed in the largest welly boot race in history, also in New Zealand.
I In Russia during the Stalin years. 17 welly factories were built to help citizens combat the harsh weather. They were seen as a socialist fashion item while leather boots were viewed as the footwear of capitalists. (Dave Cook)