Sucking the blood of popular entertainment

I Cl‘."tfsi'l“£ifi "taohess started eari‘, tl‘ts ‘.eat. as 'efa' ers across tlte gone {t'gtiitt-(t tl‘er“se\.<:-s ‘or a orig. eat: l‘.'.(?' their. a i lar". Potter hook to "og. lite "tliétiif(1“THE;l‘élfSéZtt'thKl', hi‘. tl‘e 1. eecl‘ 'i<>;.sel‘oi<t. ‘.'.'tl‘ tl‘e at‘t‘t.a :teggtg 1~:‘~'.'.-::-.' it: Sat‘ia ti: "‘a't‘tat‘ a Potter oroer

l) l‘tl (Inf? "‘E‘ml‘ig {ill {3'2" I. W 118th .'.'i'.'r‘ all the usual promises of better behaviour and fewer alcoholic incidents. Win; this year's (lfY‘Yiil‘Cl ‘o" Sa"‘ar‘tl‘a Nintena's

(‘zreatesf llts ta. bott‘. e" then‘f: {tl‘tl the Pans l lzftot‘ :negrapl‘x.

is g ess. (20.0" and -'.’:3.' {)!{ll"\ wages.

I As ext". ()t‘rsfiar‘s are ttittzt‘g at the season's (:reer; t‘g (:orrir‘erc ais't‘. ‘::<:i.s;t‘g The" at‘ge' f)l‘ the Roya Ma..'s (Il‘r s’.r“as :atar't) ee‘eetier‘. l'. l'(3.".‘.lli(l(}(l the '. eech o‘ fix,- ::lati‘ tl‘at aflfeists si‘ot. (l azzkrton etige f'ttr" oe‘ efs are

a ‘at't‘ Tot). " fl‘e same fl‘af l‘()".

r:e -.’;f;'.."(l sta'r‘ht; s a l‘()t)i>‘,. ‘."‘."l‘.ate‘.'er. ft‘r- tit/f} one. a'-:: unset fita‘. tone of tries-:2 sfawtr; <1-::;;<:t the hat); Jesus. so they might better lick his cherubic behind. But aise for fl‘e <1"~';.'iri‘:, tisf'at'er‘ that appears to show; Santa uncoiling a Christmas log down a chimney. lv‘ Saint er's rtef'erre-g; at "gt". 7‘ a s-tz-gl‘. after s<;r;*"tg :.r‘s o" "‘tl‘(:€: tries. huts :;'t:s:.:;'<: ()l‘ a (l f;<:s‘.:\.<: sysfta't‘.

Ath t‘a'.g"°.. «its Itesr:t‘.'e '.'.'l‘ttt they get.

I Com" fit/t t:.::e '.l‘l.ll‘l)(:"f; sl‘ottitl fame ti‘e' ’;t.'.':ig-i: t'; .laeati. .'.'here the ii'ét/i: ‘ri' l.'.’t.-s'.<,-'t‘ s'., t: .'.'t:<lrtit‘gs at‘ti a lh’ttttl it. e‘ (term. We l‘lfiftrtf) has created a booming traffic in fake priests. mix". "0" Europe. t>§.'i,assttg f':irtt<:t‘a fi'tttta'. ’}l‘. ii~r>‘ the ."’_-';.'t‘t:‘.. lW: . ‘ri:(;" f; .". tome t gl“. .'.“;ri<..':§; {ttftfl‘gllu l"(ll‘:',§; as l aihet KEVIN/M: l 7.lf; (:l‘fl Sister (Eigglit‘g

550i ‘0! )K' :"“'.

12THE LIST " ~' in ..

‘A truly crap henge’

I No.22 :.oti (torr't l‘ea" (ll'LtiUS getting their rooes l‘ a t'.'."st l'ke some st>irttt.a: meets (to you? E ‘.et‘ thoung in a boost for ":yai (7"(F-CIIi0llt; n Seotiat‘tt. Stonehenge has been called

a ‘truly crap henge’ e3. Nat'<>."a Geographic lr'a\.e e' "raga/ire. 0"

‘.'.’()."(l5; to that e‘f'ect. Apoa'er‘tly. as

useess :ttrt‘t)s o‘ 'o<:v< go. the Mega rthic

fotns'. attracttor‘ is lackt‘g l‘, '(:i‘ar'“ £1t‘-(lt“.£l(l'(2'. tte'. fo-met‘ttr(tat‘eeg

(i'.'.'a'\es (EV-(l at“t>s that go a‘- the

I i\/l(}£tl“.'.’l‘-.€E. the l eeeh's ‘axotuxte polzttea l.t‘£‘:‘.'.’£l"(} emergency sen'ice are Lil) to they" lt‘Slu’lf "‘()ttr\(?‘,SlitthS.

i‘ter Stratl‘ciyoe l :re and Rescue Si?“\'l(l(? ‘trefigl‘fer's refuse-(l To l).'()‘.’:(l() safety £i(l\.'(3() at a gag. pride "tareh this S3llll‘lt‘tO’. tho, "e hack on message for (3hr fsft‘iétS. it‘st“..<:t.iig tlrttt: speakers that in the event of a fire, they should simply ‘jump on a donkey’. lr‘ ‘air'ttess. theu' hagtt, trattstafeo sa‘ety tea‘let actuaily t‘tettoeo to say: Nexer 3ttt“p stratgi‘t out o‘ a ‘.'.':t‘.(to‘.'.': I()‘.'.’(1'.' yourself onto cushions ete'. So tl‘e (:et‘ttistott is

it ‘-( lerstartr lat )ie.

Strange place for a crap


Slave to the Rhondda: pop chanteuse Grace Jones kept up with the Joneses in Cardiff recently, when 1244 people broke the ‘largest gathering of people with the same surname‘ world record. And now Ebenezer Place, Wick is officially the shortest street on the planet, at 2060m long wide enough for a door. What next? The fastest cartwheel down Sauchiehall Street wearing a jacket made of croissants?

Not being sad, but SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. According to the SAD Association (how gloomy is that organisation?), it is a ‘type of winter depression that affects an estimated half a million people.’ It may be dark by 4.30pm, except on the sunniest days. but if you suffer from SAD, look on the bright side. Once we're past 21 December, days become longer. We’ll be laughing then.

5 FUTURE 007$

Few reckon that Daniel Craig will hang around with Broccoli and co for long. so who is next to be the suave assassin?

We don't think that vodka martini would necessarily be Vegas' tipple of choice as Bond (The Man with the Golden Guinness more like it) but it would all be wonh it just to see him emerge from the ocean in a tight-fitting pair of jockeys.

Michael J Fox He recently beat off some evil Republicans and their nasty claims that he's been exaggerating his Parkinson's for political effect. as shock jock Rush ‘Jaws' Limbaugh bit off more than he c0uld chew.

:tg .; The man of choice for those traditionalists aggrieved that 007 has been played by regionalists for too long (since Roger Moore. we've had a Welshman. an Irishman and a bloody Scouser. for Fleming‘s sake). Might have to be a bit more disoreet with ladies of the night though.

Billie Paul Piper For too long. she's been the bridesmaid (to Doctor Who and Chris Evansl and the winds of social change could even blow Bondwards. The hardcore men-ists might temporarily be blown off course by the fact that she has a chap's name.

George An international jet-setter with some friends in high places and absolutely marvellous with the ladies; you 00uld picture him lapping up the cream in an all-new Octopussy. Or maybe a remake of The Spy Who Loved Himself might be in order.