She was the first woman to win
the Perrier, and more recently she’s been a Grumpy Old Woman. But what on earth was Jenny Eclair doing in her daughter’s bedroom this morning?
Which time in history would you have loved to have lived?
I’m very happy now. If I'd been b0rn at any other time deing what I do. I'd have been burnt as a Witch. What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly in one go over the last five years?
I mOVOd house about two years ago. and because I live with a ster NHZI, we have a house that is flooded with light. The last good night's sleep I had was at Malinaison in Birmingham at the end of the last Grumpi low when I collapsed with exhaustion, I slept from about 1 1pm until noon the next day | go on tour to stay at hotels with curtains.
What was the last thing you stole?
l was in my daughter's room this morning when I shouldn't have been and borrowed a necklace of hers. It's a silver chain with three guitar plectrums on it. It's too yOung for me. but fuck it eh?
Your public image is someone who is vivacious, eccentric and slightly manic: how did you get to be a grumpy old woman?
I think it's the fulfillment of a lifetimes ambition that I've finally revealed my true COIOurs. However. IUSI as
104 ms LIST :0, stir—s Aug zoos
RearView ANSWER MACHINE
How many times a day do you look in the mirror?
T"‘:.":") I,‘:‘:' .1 {.rt' "1' «.1 I .. I ' "' '7‘" '.:'1’ 'Y‘i“L",{/",i"" '."5:’_ ’ll’rfl" "‘ r: "it .
You could quit your job and start afresh tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new. What would you choose to be? A liéill(:".".{t or a .:/:""’ ’Jo':
Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke? '85“: that nurse mi." there” IV" flux “if; "e"
What, if anything, is too serious to joke about? |"i‘ a l)!i more serisitzm than sorry; {)‘3');,‘: magma,
loan". do Ill babies, drink Flii‘.“'l(}. AIDS. cancer I‘J:
changed over the years because |'~.e just noxur‘ "ore
people who have died.
What’s your favourite biscuit? Ihaven't eaten biscuits for Ltl)’).l'. 1f: ,etirs, I‘ri‘i 2t" ex anoreXic who hasn't lapsed ‘till. moagt‘ to eat them But I rlo like the ridiculous look of the fig H;l!
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
I unrelildn't like 'Is This the \‘t’a', to Aiiiarilio?' and don't want anything with ‘yo' or ‘ho' OI ‘hitCh' in it, Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets are safe. You have a chance to go and retrieve one thing, what would it be?
I'd go and get my Apple Mac. It's got bleeding everything on it; all the tunes and photos and all the email addresses and all the things you think you'll print off but never will.
When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book?
I've Just been a Judge on the Orange Prize. so not for a long time. It was OaVid Nicholls' Starter for Ten which is now being made into a film with Catherine Tate playing the mum. I'm quite Jealous abetit that. Do gentlemen prefer blondes?
Yes. and blondes prefer scaffolders.
Last August, Laura Solon became the first woman to win the Perrier Award since yourself in 1995. Was that annoying or a relief?
I was really glad I made it to the decade but it was starting to get boring. Even I was bored with me Have you ever exploited your position to get something?
I've got a Saturday morning radio show on LBC and I beg fOr free stuff but no one has given me anything I‘ve been loyal to Paul Smith for as long as I've been able to afford his stuff in the sales and I don't get so much as a disc0unt.
Are you organised?
I'm an absent-minded control freak .yhicn is the worst combination.
Who would you like to see playing you in the film of your life?
I'd love it to be Scarlett Johansson but they'd go for Su Pollard.
When did you last cry?
I had to go to my daughter's school to drop off the house keys and as l was coming out I could hear a teacher teaching a Class of girls and l burst into tears. knew that she unsuid have just one more year there and it was a .vaze of nostaigia.
What’s your biggest regret?
That I didn't realise that .vas quite Clever afifli l was 30. I'd adopted a stupid persoria as a teenager and fOrgot to drop it,
I Grumpy Old Holidays is Oh BBC2. Tue. 70pm; the Grumpy Old Woman [OUT returns in Octocer
Huevo: De Oro
Despite giving Italian defender, Marco Materazzi one hell of a headbutt to the chest, French captain Zinedine Zidane received the World Cup’s prestigious Golden Ball award as the tournament’s best player. We present some other Golden Balls of note.
I David Beckham The Sarong-wearing Spice Boy. former England captain and Real Madrid star was famously given the nickname Golden Balls by his missus Victoria for his. ahem. off-the-field performances. The tabloid press smirked. The nation squirmed.
I No Golden Balls The 1994 TV sex comedy featuring future Sex and the City star and sex advice author Kim Cattrall (detecting a theme here?) focusses on a sexually repressed anti-porn campaigner meeting with an alluring porn star who changes her outlook on life. No. we've not seen it either.
I Huevoe de Oro The award-winning 1993 machismo satire from legendary Spanish director Bigas Luna is also known as Golden Balls. The film features a virile young Javier Bardem taking advantage of Maria de Medeiros and Maribel Verdu in his attempts to construct Benidorm's tallest building. It's all a metaphor for virility, you see.
I Golden Ball The Philadelphia three piece are currently putting the finishing touches to the follow up to 2005's The Luxury of Pause album. which not only made the Philadelphia City Paper's Best CDs of 2005 but SCOOped the far more interesting Best Weird Band accolade. Now that makes folk rock sound interesting.
I The Golden Ball Tavern Built in 1768. the Massachusetts Tavern was the home of British sympathiser, Isaac Jones. who caused outrage in the community when he continued to serve the British drink. tea. in 1774. It probany didn't help matters that in 1775 the inn also acted as a safehouse for British spies.
I www.goldenballe.tv A clothing website selling diamante-encrusted T shirts which, despite featuring a woman who gives her partner the nickname. Golden Balls. is in no way associated with Mr and Mrs Beckham. Celebrity fans include Dale Winton, Jordan and members of Popstars runners up. Liberty X. (Andrew Borthwick)