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thanks to some unexpiarned rtrll the frnal reel, anmvaxl natural drsasters, 10:5 Apocalypse ISM ()rte, lue (S a Wed / Jun. ftp/r7) can hest he descrrhed as comrcal. lhe l x appear to he cut strarght front the pages of [Xi and Maryel whrle Dean (Tarn r(‘,lark Kent to lerr llatr‘her's l out: I ane rn the mrd 00s) rs on hand as a rescue worker hattlrng more than rust the elements. Triangle (Ii/{(37, Sat .‘r' Mat. 70pm; Sun [‘8 Mat; ltta‘ttr‘rrr; Mon .‘tl May. It),;’()prn) has a srmrlar 'strrp' sensrhtlrty and wrth
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.lournos don't nalf irke to create lrnks hetween passages, ltut what on earth can tre 105:3 Apt )(7.1/l’/)}{r‘ to ONE Life: Gail Porter Laid Bare rHBCI, Wed (9/ May, lUJOpmt'.‘ Well. Carlos Bernard {AK/X 9-13: lony Almerdal rs rn the former and (‘rarl Porter has a mohrle phone whrch has the (ZlU rrngtone. ()h. and one of the extrnct volcanoes whrch decrdes rt's trme to let off some steam. lava and gas emrssrons rs Idaho's Bald Mountarn. None of whrch rs remotely funny when you consrder the plrght of Portohello l’orter. llavrng gone through post natal depressron. anorexra. depressron and a horrrhle marnage hreak up, she must have helreved thrngs couldn't get any worse. lhen her harr started fallrng out. All of rt. l ollowed hy her eyelashes and eyehrows. ln thrs ()Nl frfe. we see (‘zarl go hack home to he confronted hy perfect parental reassurance: 'It wrl/ grow hack won’t rt'?' poses her mother as they hrowse through Porter's showhr/ career. rncludrng the / HM l louses of Parlrarnent prank: ‘She was so pretty then‘. la, mum. Desprte the understandahle teary eprsodes. there is hleak humour to he had here when a pack of llare Krrshnas cowhell nearhy
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Clockwise from left: Triangle, 10:5 Apocalypse. Gail Porter Laid Bare and Tricks from the Bible
SOCIAL [)(Xll JMl N lAHY SEX IN THE 805 Channel 4, Wed 31 May, 11.05pm
lf British sex in the 505 was pretty much forbidden, the 605 stuff was certainly freer but may have involved having a rumble with someone who hadn’t swung a deodorant near themselves for a week. In the 705, you had to wade through mounds of facial hair (if Alex Comfort was any guide) to tackle what lay underneath acres of flares and cheesecloth shirts. But in the 805, it all just hung out, despite the best efforts of Mary Whitehouse and AIDS. This new documentary strain (to be hotly pursued by Sex in the 905) gives us three stories of smut in the decade that subtlety forgot.
Later episodes will feature the wet antics of Club 18-30 and the pop videos which shocked the nation, but first up is the sordid tale of Madame Cyn and her House of Payne as we track how an 18-year-old girl buggered Bognor to flee for London, where she had backstreet abortions and went on the game before opening up a brothel (or party venue, as she insisted it be known as) in the leafy Streatham suburb of Ambleside Avenue. Girls would come from as far as Dorset and South Wales to have sex with lawyers, vicars and MP5. Afterwards, Cynthia would wait in the kitchen for the puce-faced gents, a cup of steaming Bovril and a poached egg on toast prepared to revitalise them. After she won a high-profile court case, Payne continued her wanton ways and now this little old lady reflects with a twinkle on how she screwed the establishment. (Brian Donaldson)
sufferer Mrchelle's gallery of wrgs.
Never rnrnd [)ean (Earn or t rrc StoIt/. what the soaked people rn 10:?) Armca/vpse and lrrarrg/e would really have needed w; s someone to help them walk on water. that's where Scottrsh rnagrcrans Stuart Macl eod and Barry .Jones come rn wrth therr Tricks from the Bible (Channe/ 4, FM 1? Jun, I 1.05pm). Whrle they don't actually shrmmy across the sea, they do turn staffs rnto serpents, deny a gym guy hrs Samsonrar strength wrth an electrrc razor called Delrlah and cast a plague of locusts rnto a swanky l ondon restaurant. All deeply rrnpressrve stuff. delrvered rn the chaps' oft rrrrtatrng yet occasronally arnusmg presentrng style: thrnk Chrrs Moms hostrng Blue Peter. Thrnk Davrna McCall trontrng Newsnrght. Or rather, please don't. Yes. Big Brother rs well up and runnrng now. It's on Channel 4 and E4 almost all the trme. There's really no need to
SpeCrfy when.
1’5; Ma, 8 .J .rrr: L”) r‘ THE LIST 87