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Jon Ronson can find the good in the KKK Klansmen but just can’t seem to take to cats. His emails from Robbie Williams provide comfort, though.
In which time in history would you love to have lived?
I do find the prospect of living in a pre-internet time appalling, so I'm happy here and now. In the 805. everything was basically horrible. I wish I'd been a teenager in the 60s. Before that, it was all child labour. gout and heads on spears.
When did you last dance?
Last night with my son Joel. We were dancing to Kiara and Black Eyed Peas.
I hear they’re making a movie out of your book, Them: Adventures with Extremists. What’s the latest with that?
It's going well, I’ve had a lot of lunches from it so far. There‘s a lot of good people involved. There‘s Mike White. who wrote School of Rock. Edgar Wright, director of Shaun of the Dead. and Jack Black is in it. But I can't tell you who is playing the character loosely based on me. Except that it's someone unexpectedly fantastic.
What’s your least favourite country?
If I’m answering this question strictly, then Norway. I find it a really big disappointment. The food's bad. There’s all these industrial parks everywhere. The people are quite rude. But if I was allowed to include bits of countries then Norway comes nowhere near as horrible as Arkansas or huge swathes of Texas. Those are the places I really hate.
Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke? One is visual, so that’s no good. The other one is: ‘Hitler turns to Goebbels and says: “There, l told you nobody cares about the Jews".‘
What’s your favourite biscuit?
There's an Italian biscuit that you can get in Waitrose. It has chocolate on top and biscuit underneath but I can't remember the name of it. I like the Crunchie bites that you get in boxes of Celebration. I like them a bit too much; they‘re slightly the cause of my undoing at the moment. Who is the best-dressed celebrity?
l have no aesthetic judgment about these things at all. | just can't tell. So. maybe Robbie Williams.
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Do gentlemen prefer blondes?
l favour no particular hair colour. For me, it's not an aesthetic benchmark. It‘s interesting what it is about a woman that makes you fancy them but it's definitely not hair co|0ur. Might be more to do with the density of the hair.
Who is the most genuinely unhinged individual you’ve met on your travels?
A guy called Dave McKay who was in the Kidneys for Jesus film. I found him appalling. I‘ve found big redeeming characteristics in everyone from the guys in the Klan and Omar Bakri. I had a nice lunch with Jonathan King recently.
Who would you like to see playing you in the film of your life?
The person who is.
Are you a good cook?
I don't think I've cooked anything ever. I can stick a piece of tuna on the grill and heat up some sweetcorn. If I could cook properly I’d make lemongrass soup. But that's not going to happen, I can tell you right now.
What’s your lucky number?
If I was ridiculously superstitious in a totally irrational way, I would have a lucky number. But there’s no such thing. Even if you did have a lucky number, it wouldn't be lucky for you because it's just a number and there‘s no such thing as real magic. But in saying all that, seven.
What’s most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today? I had an email exchange with Robbie Williams. It was just small talk. I emailed him to say that I hadn't heard from him for a while and how was he. He emailed back to say he was fine. been in the studio and generally being a social butterfly. And he asked me how I was and I emailed that l was fine and the writing is coming along well. That’s quite rock‘n‘roll isn't it?
Are you a cat or dog person?
Well, I have a cat and I find it disappointing that I'm not a cat person. Theoretically I‘m a dog person. I might say to a dog ‘yes you are‘ and the dog will be all over me. But if I owned a dog I'd probably neglect it. And the thing with a cat is that it's fine to neglect it; it doesn’t give a shit. I think if our cat Monty died, it would take me a good week to realise that it's not there.
I The Men Who Stare at Goats is out now in paperback, published by Picador; the feature film of Them is due out in 2007.
AndI-‘inally... '
As a small digestif to mark the end of our sumptuous eating and drinking special issue, we thought we’d relay you a few stories of gluttony from around the globe.
I The burger and the Klng
Elvis was lord of all he surveyed. even burgers. He may have been honoured by various beef pattie- related recipe tributes but none of them beat the man's favourite midnight snack: the deep-fried banana and peanut butter sandWich. We dare anyone to eat more that four reCipes out of the Elvis Cookbook and not suffer some kind of coronary attack.
I The experimenter
The gastric monotheist documentary filmmaker responsible for Super3ize Me. In the film, Morgan Spurlock ate nothing but McDonald's fast food for 30 days in an effort to discover the root causes of obesity in America. Turns out it's got a lot to do with McDonald‘s.
I The comlc turn
It takes a lot to induce fits of nausea in Quentin Tarantino but Terry's Jones' legendary creation Mr Creosote who indulged his vast appetite while being goaded by John Cleese's unflappable French waiter was one source of the O man's discomfort. 'Oh sir, it's only wafer thin'.
I Glasgow's ples better
In the days before the Merchant City became trendy. a man named Robert Hall used to wander its streets. He was known as ‘The Glasgow Glutton' for his inordinate ability to consume foodstuffs. Nicknamed ‘Rab Ha'. he was taunted by schoolchildren and reponedly ate himself to death with ‘twa loaves and a pound of corn mutton'.
I The International body
The IFCE is a body of professional speed eaters based in America which publicises events such as the ‘World Deep-Fried Asparagus Eating Championship and the Golden Palacenet Valentine's Day Chocolate Massacre.
I The rank outslder
Currently rated 50th in the world eating rankings, Scott Sayer earned the moniker ‘The Pork Slayer' due to ‘his ability to eat pork in quantity‘. He has fallen on hard times of late mostly due to pork going out of fashion as a competitive eating food . I The World’s Greatest
Takeru Kobayashi is the fastest eater in the world. The diminutive 132 pound, 27-year-old from Japan can consume 17.7 pounds of cow brains in 15 minutes and won the Glutton Bowl. Fox TV's annual gorging shindig. He has also developed his own technique for devouring hotdogs. flying in the face of convention by Kobayashi dipping the sausage in water and eating it before the bun. Now that's where we've been going wrong all this time.