COMEDIANS OPINION
FRANKIE BOYLE
On personal grooming 'OK. people like to make an effort. but you need to know when to stop. The average Glasgow guy now looks like he spends more time in frond of the mirror than a pubescent girl. If you're going to spend two hours on your appearance every day. why not work out? If you're going to have a haircut that makes you look like a moderately powerful Pokemon, try to make sure your body doesn't look like something that's just been fished out of a river. In fact, as it's all front and roleplaying anyway. dress up as a pirate: id have more respect for you.’
On Gail Porter ‘She was recently on a publicity drive giving interviews about how her hair has fallen out because she's not famous any more. You know what Gail? ENJOY THE MONEY. Get a jet-ski and jet your baldy ass off into the sunset. There's nothing wrong with this self-obsessed publicity vampire that couldn't be cured by a bit of self-knowledge. Or better yet. a hearty kick in the pie.‘
On lookalikes ‘I mean. come on. If you look a bit like Robbie Williams you should try to change your appearance. not make a living from it. Think about it. there must be three or four people in the country who look exactly like Ian Huntley; you don't see them opening nightclubs. I hired one this year to keep kids from my door at Halloween.‘
I Garage, Glasgow, Sat 18 Mar.
Edinburgh
Capital Comedy The Arcade Bar. 18 (‘ockhurn Street. 220 |2‘)7. 9pm. £3. Posh (ilasgow‘ lad Neil Mcl‘arlane teams tip witlt a hostel) guest attd Itost Mac Star. I’or every ticket sold a donation is given to charity.
The Thursday Show The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 0pm. £0 (£3 £5). More inventive corttedv gems from Mark Maier. supported h) Martin livans. I)erek Johnstone arid furt-Iov iitg host. Joe lleenan.
The Snatch Social The Liquid Room. ‘lc Victoria Street. 225 2501. I Iptn- 3am. £5. See Thu I0.
Glasgow
Phil Kay’s Gimme Your Left Shoe Tron Theatre. 03 'l‘rongate. 552 1207. Ipm. £5 (£3). ('hild-fnendlv ftm in the hands of Glasgow 's favourite surrealist. Wanting: eltildren must be prepared to temporarily pan with their left shoe as part of the show. See Kids. page 05. (il(‘F.
46 THE LIST 16—30 Mar 2006
Watson's Wind-up ( ilasgow l'lllll 'llieatre. l2 Rose Street. 332 8I28 Iptn l'ree. Sec l‘l'l l7.
The Essential Chic Murray (iilinorehil|(il2. 1) l'iiivet‘sitv Avenue. 330 5522. 8pm £I0 -\ musical trthule to the great Scottish comic w rrttert and presented h} his daughter. (i/('l'.
Glasgow Stands Up: Bruce Morton & Friends l.angside Hall. 5 l.angsidc Avenue. 0815 330 350I 8pm £3 See l'l'l l7.
Jerry Sadowitz .-\B( '. 3 30 Satrclnehall Street. 0870 ()I i 5101. 8pm. £l5.5l) (£I3.50). The second festival outing for the filth} vmotrthed magician. (il( 'l-.
Keara Murphy: Holiday! Blackfiiais. 30 Bell Street. 0870 0| 3 .5101. Split U) Tall travel tales involving Bosnian ininefields. breaking into a Buddhist terriple and cocktails w ill) Judith (‘haltneis (i/( 7'.
Kim Hope and the Sometimes Anti- Heroes Basura Blanca. Brunswick llotcl Basement. I00 Brunswick Street. 0870 ()I 3 5101. 8pm. £7 (£5). See l‘rr I7.
Laughter in the Church ()ran Moi.
73f 735 (lieat Western Road. 0870 ()I 3 5101. 8pm. £1. See Thu I0.
Pam Ann The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 0870 000 0055, 8pm. £9 (£7 ). The unreliahle fligltt attendant spins more varns ahotit Iivin' the high life. (;I( ‘l'.
Bumper Value Glasgow vs Edinburgh ('urlers. 250 200 livt'es Road. 338 05I l. 8.30pm. £0 (£5). The lidinhurghers square up their laughter inducing talents against the Weegie folk. separated onl_v h_v impartial (ahetn) compete Scott Agnew. (il( 7'.
Charlie Ross Bltrtr. 50 'l‘rongale. Merchant ('ii_v. 0870 ()I 3 5101. 8.30pm. £0 (£5). A third _v'ear at the coined} festival for lllc slighll_v lesser known Mr Ross. who
juggles fikithallers with disco divas and
“(It‘lill‘ 07m. UK 7‘.
Des Clarke: Destiny ('it_v llalls. ('andlei‘iggs. 353 8000. 8.30pm £ Ill. The fast-paced. fresh-faced (ilasvvegian returns witlt more stream of consciousness gags. (il('I-‘.
Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongletli‘s. lT(i(’ Building. Renfrew Street. 08707 870707. 8.30pm. £I0. See Thu 23. Wayward Council’s Domino Rally Effect (’itv' llalls. ('andleriggs. 3538000. 9pm. £0. Join Macken/ie's fight to save John from the gr'ahhv hands of ohsession. (il('l-'.
Four Men and a Little Lady Blackfriars. 30 Bell Street. 0870 0| 3 5101. l).l5pm. £7 (£0). See l’ri I7. lmprobabble Comedy Players & Guests The State Bar. I18 llollaitd Street. 920 ‘)28‘). 9.30pm. £5 (£1). See l'i‘l l7.
Arnold Brown Tron 'I’heatre. 03 'l'r‘ongate. 552 1207. I0pm. £l2 (£l0). The deadpan master returns. (i/(’I-'.
Festival Club The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 0870 000 (i055. l0.30piil. £ l0. See l-‘ri I7.
8000. |0.30pm. £5. See In I7.
The Ultimate Comedy Quiz Blackfriars. 30 Bell Street. 0870 (II .3 5101. I lptn. £3. See In I7.
Edinburgh
The Mighty Boosh l'cstival Theatre. I3 2‘) .\'icolson Street. 52‘) 0000. 7.30pm. £ I 7.50. Join Vince Noir‘ and Howard Moon (that‘s Noel l-‘ielding and Julian Barratt in disguise) on their perilous search for the Rub) of Kuktmdu. Will the_v find it in time lo save Nahoo the linigma‘.’ Yes. the_v will. Well. probath See What Did You Think. page 2. Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. ()mni (‘entre. (ireenside Place. 08707 870707. 8pm. £I0. lrrepressihle (‘anadian Phil Nichol reasserts his heterosexualitv iii the compan) of (iav in Webster. mischievous rnirtlunaker Joe lleenan and Alex Boardman. The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £8 (£7). Qualit} stand-up from the man who gave a voice to single socks arid huntt matches ever_v-w here (that‘s Mark Maier. _v"know ). pIUs Martin liv'ans. Simon
()‘ls'eefe and sharp shooting host Susan Morrison
The Bedlam lmpnoverts Bedlam Theatre. I ll‘ llllsltl Place. 22.5 9393
l0 30pm £3 50i£2 50 £3) Sec l‘l'l l7
Glasgow
Comedy Coach Tour ( icoigc Square. 08701035101 1|5pm £‘li£1 £7). £25 famil_v See .Sai I8
Phil Kay’s Gimme Your Left Shoe Tron Theatre. 03 'l‘rongale. 5521207 7pm £5 (£3). Sec hi :1
Andy Parsons The Stand. 3 3.3 Woodlands Road. 087i) 000 0055 8pm £|0 (£8) ('uttmg edge corned} from the man who hroughl vou a fringe show entitled (ir'rim it/t. .Srut llll'. (ii/it ('I Iii/ll] iii/m nun/v Ilmi int/kc vuu lllllt e). (il( 7 Are You Feeling Funny? The Barnhtirv. 07 Yale Street. ('arnlachie. 0870 0| 3 5101 8pm. £ 3. Participants front a series of comed_v workshops supported h_v the Scottish Arts ('ouneil are |()ll|L'tl It) an e\perienced local headliner (i/( 72
Craig Hill‘s Got the Ballroom The (image. 190 Saucliicliall Street. 332 l I20. 8pm. £|0 (£8). The he killed wonder It”) returns with more lightning fast one liners. (il( 7'.
The Essential Chic Murray (illiiiot‘clilll(il2. ‘l l'niversiiv Avenue. 330 5522. 8pm. £I0. See Hi 21.
Glasgow Stands Up: Bruce Morton & Friends l’ollok ('otrirnunil} ('entre. I31 l.angton Road. 0815 330 350l. 8pm. £3. See l‘ri l7
Ha Ha Drumchapel ()Iiver‘s Bar. 2() |)ruinchaiwl Road. 0870 ()I3 5101. 8pm. £5 (£1). (‘haritv comed_v night irt aid of the Drum .-\dvenlure group. which takes teenagers on life-changing expeditions. (il( 7.
Jimmy Carr off the Telly (‘l_vde .-\uditoriuiit. l‘innieslon Qua). 08700-10 1000. 8pm. £l8.50_ More from the catrsticall_v deadpan one. (i/( "I".
Kim Hope and the Sometimes Anti- Heroes Basut'a Blanca. Brunswick llotel Basement. I00 Brunswick Street. 0870 0| 3 5101. 8pm. £7 (£5). Sec liri I7. Laughter in the Church ()ran Mor. 73I 735 (ireal Western Road. 0870 0| 3 5101. 8pm. £1. See Thu I0.
Des Clarke: Destiny ('it_v llalls. ('andleriggs. 353 8000. 8.30pm. £l0. See Hi 21.
Janey Godley: Unscripted Bluu. St) 'l‘rongale. Merchant ('it_v. 0870 0| 3 5101. 8.30pm. £|2 (£I0). A coined) show vou won't forget in the hands of the courageous and candid Ms (iodlev. (il( 7*. Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l'(i(' Building. Renf’rew Street. 08707 870707. 8.30pm. £l3. See Thu 23. Wayward Council’s Domino Rally Effect (‘itv llalls. ('andleriggs. 3538000. 9pm. £0. See Hi 21.
Four Men and a Little Lady Blackfi'iars. 30 Bell Street. 0870 0| .3 5101. ‘).I5pm. £7 (£0). See l-‘ri I7. lmprobabble Comedy Players 8. Guests The State Bar. I18 llollaitd Street. 9200281). 9.30pm. £5 (£1). See liri l7. Phil Kay: Adults Only The ()ld lirtiilmarket. Alhion Street. 287 55I I. 9.30pm. £|0 (£8). The final festival offering frotn the ranthling raconteur. (;l('l*.
Festival Club The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 0870 000 (>055. l0.30piii. £l0. See l’ri I7.
Late’n’Loud (‘il_v Halls. ('andleriggs. 353 8000. l0.30pm. £0. See liri I7.
Celebrity Comedy Covers Blacklriars. 30 Bell Street. 0870 ()I3 5101. I lprit. £1. See Sat IS.
The Ultimate Comedy Quiz Blackfriars. 30 Bell Street. 0870 0| 3 5101. I Iprn. £3. See liri I7.
Edinburgh
The Mighty Boosh Festival Theatre. I3 2‘) .‘S'icolson Street. 52‘) 0000. 7.30pm. £l7.50. See Fri 21.
An Evening with Henry Rollins lisher llall. I.othian Road. 228 |l55. 7pm. £|050. Self-confessional comedy and
spoken word from this iron pumping legend of Black l'lag Iatnc
Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleuis. ()mni Centre. (ireenstde Place. 0870‘ 87070" 8pm £I2 See In 2-1
The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 "272 ‘lpm £I0i£8i .See In 21
Edinburgh
Whose Lunch is it Anyway? The Stand. 5 \Illlls Place. 555 7.372 lplll l‘lL'L‘ Sec Stiit l‘l
The Sunday Night Laugh-In I‘he Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272 8 30pm £1 (£I £ 3) Maitiit l‘.\.lll\. Sean Wilkinson arid Ross Baillie tom the inimitahle Mt Devlin for ntoie Sundav night laughs
Glasgow
Dance, Monkey Boy, Dance the Sltllid. 33,3 \Vtkkllalltls Riltltl. 0370 MN) 0055 8 30pm £-1 learn Monke} spice tip Monda} night with more spontaneous sketches. music and gags
Edinburgh
Red Raw llft' Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272.8 30pm, £| KL‘IIlI l'arnan shows more coined} new comers the ropes
Tbesday 28
Glasgow Red Raw The Stand. 333 Woodlands Road. 08700000055. 8 30pm. £2 (U I See Mon 27.
Edinburgh
Comedy Benefit Night The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £7 (£5). :\ handful of generous coined} l}|x's. including magical maestro Steven I)ick. stand tip lll aid of liol: lidinhurgh,
Wednesday 29
Glasgow
The Best of Irish Comedy The Slaitd. 333 thllands Road. 0870000 0055. 8.30pm. £7 (£0). Bejesus and hegorrah. it‘s more coined) imports from the lirnerald Isle with Brendan Burke. ls'eith liarnan. Michael Redtnortd arid Niall Browne.
Edinburgh
Best of Scottish The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £5 (£2.50). l’atr‘iotic corned} night with .-\nd_v Strand Kevin Bridges.
Thursday 30
Glasgow
Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. |'(i(‘ Building. Renf'rew Street. 08707 870707. 8pm. £7 (£3). Jane} (iodlc) shares the limelight with Sand} Nelson. Anthon} King and lnder Manocha.
The Thursday Show The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 08700000055. 8.30pm. £0 (£3 £5). (‘anadian surrealist Ton) l.aw learns tip with Kevin Bridges. Irish lad Keith I-‘arnan. Rick) Sparkles and sharp tortgued host Bruce l)evlin.
Edinburgh
Big Word Performance Poetry The Tron. 1) llunter Square. High Street. 220 0‘)3I. 9pm. £3 (£2). A six-act special featuring .-\udr_v \‘v'ithersrxmn. slartt champ Jo} Ice. Brain (iiehen. singer-songwriter William Douglas. Ash Dickinson and lilspeth Murray
Capital Comedy The Arcade Bar. 18 ('ockhurn Street. 220 I297. 9pm. £3. Bill) Kirkwood hosts this Corned} night. where pan of the ticket price goes to charity. The Thursday Show The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £0 (£3 £5). Stand- up giant Brendan Burke joins C(lliied) forces with Reg llunter‘s stage director John (iordillo. former prison guard Ava Vidal and And} Mcl’anland.
The Snatch Social The Liquid Room. 9e Victoria Street. 225 2501. I Ipm-3arn. £5. See Thu I0.