LE TOUCHDOWN!
Six Nations triumph sparks bout of Franglais
I Finally. a rugby achievement to savour. Even the most unpatriotic of Scots felt a little pride swelling in their breast when Scotland's rugby team trounced France. the Six Nations favourites. at Murrayfield. So it didn‘t come as a surprise when the Scottish press bandwagon turned into a breast-beating juggernaut. with its columnists embarking on a joy ride of euphoria with a distinctly French accent. ‘Vive le rugby revolution!‘ exclaimed the Scotsman. hailing it as ‘no ordinary victOry. but a moment of Scots definition‘. And in another article. the same paper argued that new coach Frank Hadden has given the team a new ‘va va voom'. Meanwhile. under the headline ‘Ooh La Lamont‘ (in honour of Scotland‘s double try scorer). the Daily Record hailed the ‘phenomenal performances‘ which. it argued. herald the arrival of ‘a new era for our national team‘. ‘Now bring on Thierry'. its headline writers quipped. bizarrely suggesting that victory on the rugby field makes it more likely that the Scottish football team can beat Thierry Henry‘s team in Euro 2008. But it was The Guardian's William Fotheringham who best summed up the nature of Scotland‘s victory: ‘The tournament's 50—1 outsiders pulled off one of the biggest shocks in Six Nations history, making pundits. bookies and France look extremely silly in the process.” Quelle horreur!
GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY
Westminster squares up to Holyrood in battle of the bridge
I Who exactly is in charge of Scotland? That was the question posed by news journalists as chancellor Gordon Brown apparently ‘upstaged’ first minister Jack McConnell (Observer) by saying ‘I want a second road bridge across the Forth,’ in the full knowledge that ‘the decision on a new bridge is for the Scottish Executive to make’ (Scotsman). Observer columnist Ruaridh Nicoll interviewed McConnell in his Glasgow office (‘which has a banal anonymity, summoning a sense of complete insignificance’), and put it
8 THE LIST 1L3 Feb—3 Mar 2005
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BODY BUILDING MAGAZINES
Gross out until your arteries pop
I In the world of bodybuilding some publications are tougher than others and few come more rippling than Flex magazine. Focussing on how to boost testosterone (‘the big T‘), the only surefire way to get ‘super muscle growth in six weeks’, the reader is treated to a variety of gut busting demonstrations from some of the sport’s best-endowed stars.
I In complete contrast there is Men ’5 Fitness: Just Workouts, a spin-off magazine presumably read by the sort of pansy metrosexual types the average Flex reader would crush like eggs. Pete Muir, editor and possessor of an Olympian chin, politely infon'ns readers how he has ‘stripped out the sport, gear, fashion, interesting facts about cheese and all the other stuff to leave you with just workouts’. I Muscle Mag majors on the welfare of its readers, and is lucky enough to feature King Kamali's Royal Fiant, a column dishing deliciously dull dirt on the bodybuilding community with facts such as how former NPC champ Tom Prince ‘hates sunlight and lives in complete darkness for most of each day’. Muscle also runs a problems page, proving that even the brawniest have their insecurities as one worried reader is reassured that ‘flaccid penis size has very little to do with erection length’. Strangely though, there is no advice about what to do if you wake up with a pair of
steroid-induced man breasts.
to him that ‘London-based politicians have made the office of first minister look weak and impotent’. McConnell responded by saying that ‘there have been
moments when [London politicians] have been ill informed’. But the following week, campaign group the ForthRight Alliance accused both Scottish and UK-wide politicians of ‘spin and disinformation’ about the proposed new bridge, and with Scottish secretary Alistair Darling confirming that there would be no money from Westminster, it seemed clear that the decision to build a new Forth road bridge - and the £500 million cost - will land firmly on Jack McConnell’s anonymous- Iooking desk.
‘I love my child and would do anything to protect him.’ Britnei Spears defends her parenting Slut/S after berno (741(1ng dr/wnt; H. rtt‘ l‘f?’ bab‘. son in her lap
‘You have to be close to your fans, you can’t be “too cool for school”.’
P Orddi'}: log/cal explanation ben/na' hrs dropping of the P Yep, he's now /u:;t a bla/n old D/tfljl.
‘Sometimes it has got so bad that bulbs have fallen out of my chandelier.’
You may think L/am Gallagher's; downstairs ne/ghbour would be comb/arnrng about all-n/ght parties; or norsy/am sessronr; but, on tbrs occasron, It's; about the OaSrs chap '1; constant exerch/ng on a running mach/ne.
‘Daniel Radcliffe talks a lot of shit. He keeps talking about everyone else’s talent but he should look at his own: he is atrocious.’
Son of Dork leader and exBusted tel/a James Bourne has a pop at Harry Potter after the bespcxstacled one made some rather negat/ve comments about McF/y,
‘I never want to hear “Falling” by Alicia Keys again in my life. I’m allergic to it.’
If you ever find yOurse/f rn a posrt/on to need S/mon Cowe/l's vote, don’t Srng this one at him.
‘There’s always a gay crowd up the front at my gigs. It’s a huge compliment.’
KT Tunsta/l on an rntrrgurng Srde effect of those rainbow braces.
‘I was offered the part of the butler but I didn’t want to ruin the movie.’
Ricky Gerva/s' cack/e won 't be /rghtrng up the Da VlnC/ Code, then.