PETER lRVINE
Scotland the rave
The man responsible for turning Edinburgh’s Hogmanay into a major international event also writes one of our best—loved travel guides, Scotland the Best. Here, he explains the traumas of putting together the new edition.
very two years I hit the road round Scotland. The
little book I write has well over 2000 entries and
they all have to be visited again: as do all the new ones. It‘s a daunting task. an obligation that can seem at times a chore but somebody has to do it. Friends have helped to do the research over the last few editions but this time I determined to do it myself so after tramping the streets of Edinburgh and Glasgow for weeks on end in the spring (no point in driving in the city any more). I set off to cover and discover the country
Planning for the odyssey has to be meticulous: everywhere has to be visited in the right order. I know from bitter experience that missing somewhere and having to go back and drive up the glen again is a disastrous waste of time. time I don't have. The car turns into an office packed with reference materials. maps. letters and emails sent in by readers over the preceding months and enough clobber for any occasion (mountain hike. posh restaurant. Fort William downpour).
Of course. this should all be a pleasure. Scotland the Best celebrates Scotland. it recommends only the best of places: friendly pubs. fabulous dinners. delicious home baking all have to be sampled. Who wouldn’t want to do it'.’ Ah well! Everything has to be squeezed into the shortest. most productive time possible. A soupcon here. a bowl of soup there. a poke of chips sampled then thrown in the
bin (because I‘m having the first of two dinners in half
an hour). And Scotland may be ‘the best small country in the world’ but when you‘re touching every part of it. it ain‘t so small. Look at that western seaboard: peninsula after far flung peninsula. This is before we get to the state of the infrastructure and all the usual road rage incidents.
So this journey round Scotland is both heaven and hell. Travelling down open roads among the most glorious scenery in Europe on a late light summer evening with the roof down (I‘ve got a Peugeot 206 Cabriolet) and heading somewhere amazing for dinner is nice. But I‘m just as likely to be stuck behind a truck or a caravan in a line of dawdling tourists and having to be somewhere before it closes because otherwise I‘ll miss it and have to go back and ditch the whole obsessively meticulous plan. It‘s rave um] rage all day every day. bouncing from one extreme to the other.
This may be the juncture to air one‘s grievances about specific highways to hell. Regular users of the A9. the Al and Britain‘s most camera riddled route. the A77. will know what I mean. The argument for these cameras is always a matter of safety. On the A l. notices constantly remind us how many accidents there have been. The A77. now partly motorway and festooned
10 THE LIST 15 Dec 2005—5 Jan 2006
THE A9, THE MAIN ROUTE NORTH, IS ALMOST T00 ST RESSF UL TO THINK ABOUT
with the new vulture camera. is. like the A‘). so frustrating to drive that you can‘t help feeling more accidents will be caused than curtailed. It’s long seemed ridiculous that the main road between the capital of Scotland and the capital of lingland. the Al and the A68. should he. in places. merely country roads and that the alternative drive south from lidinhurgh is to cross the country ambling on the A702 to join the Mo an hour and a half away. It takes longer to drive south than it did decades ago in cars that were barely capable of doing 70. never mind an easy ton. Meanwhile the A‘). the main route noith and to the Highlands and the premier tourist route in the land. is almost too stressful
to think about. It's extraordinary that at the beginning of
the let century our main roadways are so deplorable (and let‘s not talk about the Forth Bridge).
Another characteristic of Scotland. both teeth grindineg tedious as well as
much of the noiili and west. If. like me. you actually have to be somewhere it can he one of the most road raging experiences there is. To be behind somebody who is triindling along and refusing to pull over and after hiding your time for IS minutes then flashing then riding bumper to bumper then firing your horn into the tranquil landscape. what you really want to do when you do get past is to stop the car and give them a lecture on road etiquette (or punch their lights otit). However. life is too shoit for revenge.
What I‘d prefer to remember is the road on the south side of Loch Ness. made by Wade. straight as an arrow with ethereal views. While the main A82 is often jammed with buses this one can be as empty as a track on the moon. The roof is down. you can hear the skylarks: you‘ve got at least 40 minutes before you’re back on the A‘).
Scotland the Best is out now (Collins)
charming. is the single track system of
PLUCKING FRUITS FROM THE CULTURAL BUSH
I You'll have had your chips. was the cry. And sure enough. the latest project to jump on the TV-to-movie bandwagon is ChiPs. the cult 705 show about hunky highway patrolman in Sunny California. Wilmer Valderrama from That 705 Show will play the Erik Estrada role of Ponch but an actor to play Baker (Larry Wilc0x) has yet to be f0und . . . An array of guest musos will be appearing on the forthcoming album by the Minus 5. The Gun Album is due Out in early February. and features REM's guitar god Peter Buck plus John Wesley Harding and some members of Brooklyn rockers Wilco . . . Simon Starling. Glasgow-based winner of the Turner Prize. has an installation at Cove Park throughout next Summer . . . Sean Connery is to voice the starring role in an animated short film called Sir Bil/i the Vet. The non-Scotland based. SNP—lovmg Scottish legend plays an eccentric vet working in a remote Scottish village and will be joined by the vocal talents of Alan Cumming, Miriam Margolyes, Richard Briers, Ruby Wax, Gail Porter and Ford Kiernan
. . . On a slightly larger scale. possibly. is Steven Spielberg '3 next producer role for a remake of the 1951 film When Worlds Collide. Which s0unds awfully like a science fiction movie. Stephen Sommers will take on the directing job, haying made the Mummy films. and at the same time he is getting set to shoot the new Flash Gordon . . . Man of the moment. hip hop artist Kanye West (pictured) has announced details of his 2006 tour and we will be forever humbled that he has found it in his heart to appear in Scotland. at the SECC in February.