Sucking the blood of popular entertainment
LOVE! VACILLATION
I USE D TO BE ' :lzii:*.::";:.:?::’::: there are so many ways of I'M looking at things and it could go
one way or another. And if you
think you‘re really sure about t“ - something, then certain factors come into play that could swing the balance the other way. So without a shadow of a doubt we can safely say that we are definitely not sure.
HATE! VACCINATIONS
Dogs, pensioners and kids are three groups with less and less in common in today's diverse society. Their sole uniting factor is that they are always the ones at the front of the queue when it comes to getting a shot in the arm. But it’s not fair. They’re the ones who can handle it the least but get it the most. It‘s a shame to see their
is The Leech has never indulged in Bill Clinton, whose greatest legacy wee faces wincing in pain, Couid humbuggery. embracing winter with was proving oral sex isn't ‘doing it“; someone come up with a replacement the eagerness of a child shoplifting Bono. who claims Yoko Ono once for the needle soon please?
advent calendars in October. Not even called him John Lennon‘s son — an
Christmas arrivmg early, the goose Oedipal mess of Greek proportions
getting fat. then rabid. then 7 when you compare the lyrics of Ego’s contaminating us all with chicken flu or Lemon, / Will Follow and Mofo with
pigeonpox can turn the Leech's Bigger Than Jesus' Mother and Julia; Who WOU'd eVer Wall! 10 be called GCOFQO “l th'8 day and age? “'3 lU8t “OI 900d snowy disposition to slush. If and Victor Willis. currently on the run fOF YOU. 85 this “10b WOW?-
Etlwyn Collins can survive a brain after a cocaine bust. with the genuine
haemorrhage. MRSA and the fickle cops footising their manhunt on George Best
I V
The greatest British footballer that ever lived has been in and out of hospital now more than he was
ignorance of the record buying public YMCAS. to return to the studio. then truly this is
a season for being merry And so in a Lennon. who would have qualified in and cm the 18'yard box in his day‘ NOt the best quest for rubbish gifts for insignificant for retirement last month. once sang advert for unadunerated hedonlsm'
others. the Leech set off for London that whatever's required to pass the
and the British Invention Show, evening is OK. Or something like that.
The Leech abandoned the Scouse skiffler for Friedrich Nietzsche years ago. 'The thought of suicide is a great consolation.‘ the Teutonic pop sensation warbled. ‘by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night. Ooh. she loves you yeah, yeah. yeah . . .' Obviously the Hi-Arts organisation had this ditty in mind when they proposed the funding of a suicide poet laureate. penning verse about topping oneself for recital
George Clooney
An on-set injury during the filming of Syriana for the other gorgeous George has laid him up for months with such excruciating back pain that he claimed to be near suicidal.
George Galioway
Just when he thought it was safe to cross the Atlantic... Galloway the defender of the little man rattled the dogs of War in Washington in the Spring
returning Willi a big box of throughout the Highlands and Islands. but now they.re digging the dirt on his wife and an Scentuelles. These tiny. transparent Which is laudable if it reduces the unaccounted for 285000.
patches secrete dopamines. a saucy number of suicides in the area. Surely
blend of Viagra and Nicorette everyone would just cheer up by
(Vinaigrette’h that recharge your sexual embracing winter like the Leech.
batteries 'NllllO you work. rest and play. happy in the knowledge that Muppet Geome nude,
Arrives as a saviour at Hearts. does some saving
'ssxl’ ‘. ’ ' . .. . . Or it] t tr 1| od advertismg slogans Idol. featuring Kermit and I and Sun gets a klckmg. Puts a prewously mediocre
aUd't'On'ng new realms “310',” J'm team on top and ends up dizzied by ‘irreconcilable As a confirmed untersexual. the Henson’s crazy gang. is coming soon!
differences' with his big boss. Leech was distressed to read that
rnetrosexuals are being replaced by ubersexuals. even while y0ur correspondent is still dating Neanderthals. Where rnetrosexuals were obsessed With self-image and shampoo. ubersexuals prefer fine ‘.'/lll(:. cigars and political awareness. Celebrity examples include Bill Clinton, Bono. and probably Victor Willis. the cop in the Village People. That's
All about George
Regarded as a true revolutionary in British comedy. Rik Mayall is now resorting to the kind of sickly comic treacle that would make your knitting circle wince. Reviving Bottom as a stage show for some light relief every 18 months makes sense now. lt reminds him of better days.
12 THE LIST N’r. 900:3