Rear View
She has a perfectly natural hatred of ‘Memories’ and thinks she has a good ear, but why should you think twice before telling ALISON MOYET off?
What’s the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today?
Rolled up a fat one.
Which time in history would you love to have Hved?
In a time when my solid constitution would be worth infinitely more goats. I would be goat rich. Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets are safe, you have a chance to retrieve one thing. What would it be?
I don’t possess anything that I couldn’t live without. I don’t care for ‘things' and own nothing you couldn’t find in a boot sale.
What would be your ideal birthday present? A set up studio. Failing that. a tidy house.
What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly in one go over the last five years?
Ten hours.
What’s your least favourite country?
I’ve never spent enough time anywhere to make a realistic judgement, but if people are kind I tend to opine that theirs is the most civilised nation in the whole world. Snide and sneering ones tend to live in shitholes.
1 12 THE LIST 8—22 Sep 2005
ANSWER MACHINE _
If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability what would it be? Motivation. but mostly a short term memory. I’m a bit worried on that score. I don’t recognise people out of the context I met them in and cannot name characters at the end of watching a film.
You could quit your job and start afresh tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new. What would you choose to do?
Sculpture.
Do you consider yourself organised? How often do you have to look for your keys?
I am beyond disorganised. I always know where my keys are but mail is delivered to a hex and is hidden where I don’t have to see it. Answer machines exist to circumnavigate communication. Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke? . . . comes in here giving it all that!
What’s your favourite biscuit?
Devoured.
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
When I got married we said we didn‘t want any music, so they decided to help us out and play ‘Memories’ from Cats without asking. We were appalled that they were making this ‘our song‘. I reckon that one would be important to block. Who do you think would play you in the film of your life?
If I could think of a name of a fat singing actress I would give you one. This is not a scenario I will ever have to be concerned by.
When did you last dance?
I have just called my youngest daughter into the room. | shimmied . . . wordlessly she duly joined in. I made this happen for you.
Do gentlemen prefer blondes?
Gentlemen don‘t judge women by the colour of their hair.
Can you cook?
I can, although with the fussy bunch of gits I live with, it is no longer a pleasure. I suppose it would be chicken in white wine and mushroom sauce with rice and green salad.
When did you last cry?
Yesterday. I got told off for not seeing a no entry sign. Fair enough, but I cried because it made me cry in the first place. Go figure. Tellings-off make me cry and I despise that in myself.
What makes you good at what you do?
My ear.
Are you a cat or dog person?
I have a dog and three cats. I love animals but they are not little humans to me. The dog stinks and the cats pee and I'm not all ‘Bless, they’re marking their territory.’ I think ‘Them big bastards.’ I think I’ll always have a Siamese cat though, because I love the way they sulkily chat.
What’s your all-time favourite sitcom?
The Office. I love Ricky Gervais. The little emotional subtleties that play across his face that honestly reflect the hidden and ever changing thought processes behind every sentence we speak are wonderful to watch.
What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a man for? And was it successful or not?
I am not a glutton for punishment. I had one five- year unrequited passion and that was enough for me.
What do you like least about your life?
I am alone in a crowd too often.
What do you life best about you life? Watching my children flourish.
I Alison Moyet's DVD One Blue Voice is released by Sanctuary Visual Entertainment Mon 79 Sep.
: AndFInally...
ouunau WI!“ ‘3“ ” fill! Ill,
Imagine, hypothetically, of course, that you were leaving Edinburgh and Scotland. Here are some of the things you should do before you go, a few things you might miss and a couple you can say baws to.
Go to Easter Road and enjoy the old. wobbly voice singing ‘lt‘s a grand old team to play for,' fill your heart with sunshine on Leith and eat a pie. Walk along the Water of Leith, from Stockbridge to the Gallery of Modern Art, and feel the green trees above and the rush of water below. Stop to crane your neck as you admire the spectacular arches of the Dean Bridge.
Wander into the Botanical Gardens, slow down, drift about and laugh at all the children chasing squirrels.
End up at Café Piccante at the top of Broughton Street - otherwise known as ‘the rave chippy’. Order a smoked sausage supper and enjoy the salt, sauce and techno.
Drive an hour south, east. north or west with some sandwiches and a flask of coffee.
The sight of Fife shining across the Forth.
The Phoenix pub being there and friendly until 3am and seeing an old lady with her first half pint of the day at 9.30 the next morning.
Moving between two great cities in under an hour through fields and sky.
Hard boilings made on the premises. Public swimming pools flooded with sunshine and their swing door changing rooms. Choosing from films, theatre, music, pubs, clubs and restaurants on any night you might want to venture out, all within walking distance.
The mountains. the lochs, the beaches. Summer sunshine lasting until midnight. Peering into flats in the winter and imagining living there.
BAWS
Waking up thinking it's a lovely day and getting pissed on as you walk home shivering.
Buses swallowing up change.
The Record's grubby headlines.
Traffic wardens patrolling like hyenas. Chips on the shoulders like big blocked arteries. Dougie Donnelly with his white/blonds Cornetto hair, golfing looks and the way he makes your heart sink.