tfiaLEECH
Sucking the blood of popular entertainment
I If Ce/ebrity Love Island and Heat magazine have taught us anything, and they haven’t. they do at least expose the great big flb of human evolution and send a message to monkeys that we‘ll meet them halfway. There are more celebrities on the planet today than during the rest of history put together. suggesting the option. nay the need. to cull Pete Waterman.
Frankie Poullain
Popularly misconstrued as a bellowing, cursing bully who thrills
in pushing his leathery fizog into the l way of failing, flailing restaurateurs, Ramsay is in fact a shrewd businessman whose passion for i food matches that of anyone in this 2 fair land. If he loves you, he lets you know. but if you're shit? Well. he lets you know that too. Honesty has
never been so entertaining.
HATE! INVENTORS
I What keeps the Leech awake at night. though, is not the fact that Patrick Kielty sleeps soundly. Rather. it's the thought of people with real talent spreading theirs too thinly. A charismatic actor. Russell Crowe is a decent shot with a telephone. But a singer and poet he isn't and someone with a sturdier backbone than the Leech should tell him that. He must possess that Australian have-a-go-at- anything mentality, lately demonstrated
by Neighbours' Alan Fletcher AKA love English comics Hal Cruttenden and promised he'll be back. Poullain should I, rat Dr Karl Kennedy (below). yet Alan Carr excused themselves with get himself to America. the true land of another Antipodean soap star pushing ‘bad knees' and ‘being gay' I the comeback kid. The Leech was in the tolerance of the British public. a respectively, Irishman Andrew Maxwell New YOrk's gaudy Times Sguare populace still stunned to discover that a fearlessly braved the pelting rain and a recently. observing the Michael Jackson cute tushie is no protection against hangover in shower cap and trial on a giant neon screen. feeling j cancer and that the nice Jim Robinson tights. He was crap. mind. but far profoundly s0i|ed by the experience yet ' turned nasty on 24 and The OC. from the worst. For the record. Ardal scanning the crowd eagerly for a hot O'Hanlon ran about like Father Dougal. dog vendor. The very moment that an I Comedians too. it seems, would Jason Byrne like a headless chicken 3 innocent verdict was delivered. rather play football than the jester, at and Dara O'Briain hardly at all, while Madame Tussauds NY wheeled its least if the Leech was any judge of the Omid Djalili. who had flown in especially ' waxy Jacko out to the entrance. Ireland vs the Rest of the World match for the game, displayed some nippy allowing parents to happily pose their 2 at the Kilkenny Comedy Festival. While footwork and scored a cracking goal. kids for photos With the pallid but If ever there was a group who have yet all in vain. In a scrappy contest. comparativer chipper looking effigy. rested on their fat laurels so i enlivened by a small child's pitch American irony or what! USA! USA! unflinchingly then it is inventors. : invasion, Ireland nicked it 4—3 courtesy What's more. with the previously staid Once penicillin, lightbulbs, of an Owen O’Neill header rising ; Tom Cruise now filling the vacancy of transatlantic air flight and all the high Into the onion bag. i national welrdo-ln-chlef. amidst good stuff had been knocked out ‘ rumours of a complicated. behind there must have been a realisation I I Frankie Poullain would doubtless be doors publicity arrangement that should that proper, life changing inventions happy to play anywhere just now. after see the Dawso/i's Creek cast duetting were getting a bit thin on ground. 3 the Milnathort-born bassist confirmed i with Jackson on his comeback album ' They remain held in the highest he'd been ‘sacked by the Darkness'. I and Cruise appearing in Vegas wrth regard while we are without jet- 5 a scary sounding fate until you Siegfried and Roy. Poullain should Quit packs or buses to the moon, but remember it's only Justin Hawkins Sulking and grab himself a piece of the have photo messaging and ? brandishing a 0840. Having Big Apple pie. Femidoms instead. Thanks. . th e u n rOteCtecl n n ls 0F D C J c Kso n C°""‘g“' 2°“ D a a a D C JaCKson F «'3 ’ " * . Why make the sausage ; V’ square iF nm For toaSting? i \ ' L / \’ v" .. -- "'
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12 Till LIST 23 Jun—7 Jul 2005