Rear View
Tartan clad and with boy-next— door charm, the Bay City Rollers are a 708 legend. Lead singer LES MCKEOWN loves his limelight and reckons he’s still living his dreams. He’s also a big Tom Cruise fan, who likes dancing to his own tunes. And he’s not ashamed to tell us.
What’s the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today?
It's only just after ten. The most rock‘n'roll thing I've done today is get up at eight and do wall to wall interviews.
In which time in history would you have loved to have lived? And why?
Let‘s see. Well, it would have to be quite recently due to advances in medicine and health care. I wouldn't mind doing the 708 again.
What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly in one go over the last five years?
Not that long ago. What. you mean hours? Oh. easily 19 or 20.
What’s the last thing you stole?
I can’t remember if I have . . . oh yeah, I suppose . . . no couldn‘t admit to that.
What’s your least favourite country? And why?
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As this is getting printed I can’t really tell you that one so let's pick something like Easter Island ’cos there’s monsters there.
If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability what would it be? Mmm. like an ability I don’t already have? Flying wouldn't be bad.
How many times a day do you look in the mirror?
Only when I‘m going somewhere. just to check there's nothing unusual on my face and that I'm not a mess.
You could quit your job and start afresh tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new. What would you choose to do?
The same thing.
What, if anything, is too serious to joke about?
I don't consider anything too serious to joke about except for human tragedy. And you can’t joke about the tsunami although people do send you texts about it. But that's bad taste.
What’s your favourite biscuit?
A Carr's Table Water biscuit with cheese and pickle.
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
‘Bye bye baby'.
How big do you tip in restaurants?
Depends whether I get good service.
When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book?
Mmm. just this last weekend. I laughed a lot. It was a book that's allegedly the story of the Bay City Rollers.
Have you ever exploited your position to get something? Did you get the results you hoped for?
I always do.
Who would you like to play you in the film of your life?
No one could do it. Except maybe for Tom Cruise. Who do you actually think would play you? Tom Cruise.
When did you last dance? What was the occasion?
Probably in this office to some of my new tunes. Can you cook? If so, what’s your signature dish?
I'm a very good cook. I do nice curries. in fact I do lovely curries. Let's see. my favourite signature dish is definitely a full-on breakfast.
When did you last cry? What was the reason?
I often cry. About different things. About things that make me sad.
What makes you good at what you do?
Who knows that? If I knew that I‘d put it in a bottle and I'd be a millionaire.
What’s your biggest regret?
Not realising how fickle this little life is.
What’s your all-time favourite sitcom? Why? I don‘t think I've watched one of them for a long time but it used to be On the Buses.
What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a woman for? And was it successful or not? Let me think. I would put it in months: no more than six. no less than two. and it was successful. What do you like least about your life?
That it's going to be over one day.
What do you like best about your life?
That I‘m living it.
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AndFinally...
SOME MAD THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED WITH
Japan
Tokyo authorities have built a bridge just for monkeys. The 137 metre suspension bridge across the Unazuki Dam has been constructed so that Macaque monkeys will return from land where they have been stealing crops and harassing farmers.
USA
A Florida woman who was set to munch into a scur cream and onion crisp stopped short when she realised that she was faced with an image of Jesus Christ Lord Almighty (JCLA) carved in the snack. The potato chip is currently sitting in a jar in the Lawson family home as they wait for a sign from God about their proposal to stick it on eBay. Italy
Artist Gianni Motti is launching an exhibition of soap made of fat from Silvio Berlusconi‘s liposuction operation. Anyone wishing to wash their hands can buy it for £10,000. According to Motti, the artwork called 'Clean Hands‘ expresses opposition to corruption and Mafia structures in Italy.
Germany
MPs are so worried that prostitutes will be offering their wares in public during next year's World Cup that they are planning to erect some portable love shacks for fans to be serviced in private. An estimated 40.000 hookers from aCross the globe are tipped to enter the country.
UK
An onion sweet encugh to be eaten like an apple goes on sale in Britain soon. The Lincolnshire— grown Supasweet registers between 1.5 and two on the Pyruvate Scale which is used to measure pungency and flavour in garlic and onions. The standard brown onion is around the seven mark. France
A wine collection assembled by the late French leader Francois Mitterrand has been sold in Paris for more than {310.000. A magnum of vintage Armagnac sold for more than 20 times its estimate.
Ruaala
Theatre-goers fled an auditorium in Voronezh when an actor fired a fake gun during a production of John Steinbeck‘s Of Mice and Men. The punters were alarmed that they were about to become part of a Moscow-style siege by Chechen rebels. The play resumed when police asswed the worried throng that the shooting had been done in the name of art.
Canada
A man dressed up as a giant piece of taeces was refused entry to a government meeting in Canada. James Skwarok arrived as Mr Floatie to represent POOP (People Opposed to Outfall Pollution). protesting against the daily dumping of 120 million litres of raw sewage into the Pacific.