RA How the papers filled their pages this fortnight
ST MICHAEL WALKS Trial ends with a wimper I The freak show ended and, as many papers reported, Wacko Jacko wiped a tear from his eye with a small tissue. ‘He Beat It,’ The Sun proclaimed, while John Harris in The Guardian used his songs for a more poignant end: “‘Off the Wall” and “Thriller”, then, will play on. But will they drown out the sound of the mangled lives that followed in their wake?’ Less reflective was a follow up story in the Daily Star. ‘Jacko — Give me my willy back!’ the headline screamed. The story refers to photographs of Jackson’s penis which the prosecution allegedly have in their possession. ‘Prosecutors hoped witnesses would recognise marks on the star’s penis. The organ was said to be striped “like a barber’s pole” after Jackson’s repeated attempts to bleach his skin,’ explained the Daily Record. Jackson’s financial crisis provided the other big talking point. The Mirror reported that rights to his platinum- selling songs and all his worldly possessions — including copyrights to 251 Beatles songs — could be auctioned off. ‘He would be forced to pay fees whenever he performed his own classics.‘ Speculation followed about ways Jacko could raise cash, including G8 and Las Vegas gigs. But, as biographer Randy Taraborrelli said in the Record, ‘It’s hard to imagine him moonwalking when he can hardly walk.’
VETTRIANO
JACK'S 50 STREET Vettriano gets roadside tribute
I He’s heralded as Britain’s best selling painter and is popular enough to have gained a slot on Desert Island Discs in April. But last week the Scottish press was getting excited about a Jack Vettriano story closer to home. On
8 THE LIST 23 Jun—7 Jul 2005
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KIDS' MAGAZINES Blair, butterflies and belching
I With the school holidays about to crank into gear, now and again you may just have to stick a magazine under the wee ones’ noses for half an hour to keep them quiet. And you’re not short of gaudin coloured publications to choose from. Kraze Club, AKA ‘the best kids’ mag ever!’, is celebrating its first birthday with loomingly scary Christian Bale as Batman peering out at you. Festooned with gifts such as Duel Masters playing cards, this junior-Heat is rammed with celebs, snack ideas and tributes to the glories of wind-passing.
I Which is all rather far off the halcyon days of Dandy. Which in itself is a universe away from what the thing looks like now. Desperate Dan has been joined by the likes of Ollie Fliptrik and even attempts political satire with Tony Blair appearing in ‘Agent Dog 2- Zero’. The cover is emblazoned with a dig at Beano and implores us to ‘run up to someone and shout “monkeys” today’.
I Junior pop and film lovers will go a bundle on the misleadingly monikered tvhits! which gives away an electric fan. There are only 14 exclamation marks on the cover and inside is health advice from Dr Debbie (‘why is everyone taller than me?’) and a rumour-busting interview with Charlotte Church. On a more innocent level is Toybox, festooned with Beeb favourites and which ups the creative count with a Teletubbies maze and a chance to make your own Tweenies mask. Top prize of the issue here with a free jumping butterfly. Plastic, not real, mind.
9 June, The Courier (‘taking you to the heart of Tayside and Fife’) scored a world exclusive as it revealed that the painter was to have a street named after him in Leven, the Fife town where he was born. lt explained that the local council had approved Vettriano Vale as the name for a new road, and extracted a sizzling quote from local resident Lord Ewing: ‘Jack Vettriano sent me a nice letter saying how honoured he would be to have a street named
after him.’ Both The Scotsman and The Herald turned up for a photo opportunity at which ‘Jack the lad’ (Scotsman) posed with his parents by the new street sign. While The Herald devoted most of page 5 to the story (‘Dadz “That’s my boy. I’m really proud of him’"), The Scotsman could only stretch to 50 words on its diary page. ‘In Leven they’d even hang Vettriano’s paintings from the lampposts if they could,’ its diarist quipped, ‘unlike the National Galleries.’
‘I put on the hospital scrubs one day and they were real comfortable; they could double as pants and so I bought 100 pairs.’
The ever classy Nick No/te comments on his extravagant clothes shopping.
‘Dead men don’t have fun. Dead men don’t have fun.’ Ozzy Osbourne makes an extra special effort to emphasise his point.
‘I just fookin told him. I said “Eh! Watch it!”’
Master wordsmith Liam Gallagher tells us how he escaped from a giraffe at Chester Zoo.
‘I just wanted to make my show fresher and funnier.’ Paris Hilton, unfortunately referring to a mere change of location for her TV show, rather than its utter cancellation.
‘We were in the men’s room and he turned towards me and peed all over my shoes}
The original Batman, Adam, West on his special relationship with his agent
‘l-lopefully at some stage, I’ll be able to apologise directly to Nestor but at the moment, he’s not answering his phone.’
Well, considering you are accused of throwing one at him, Russell Crowe. it 's hardly a surprise he's a bit reluctant to picking up, eh?
‘If you drink two pints of vodka you probably wouldn’t be able to get in yourcan’
Faithless star Maxi Jazz clears up any possible confusion about alcohol consumption.