Rear View ANSWER MACHINE
Guitarists don’t come much more iconic than SLASH. Not only has he been in one world—conquering band, Guns n’ Roses, but he’s back with another, Velvet Revolver. And you’d never guess what he thinks about Absolutely Fabulous.
What’s the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today?
We had a show last night and it was an awesome show and we've just travelled to North Carolina to work on a new song for a movie [The Fantastic Four]. So I guess staying up all night through a flight from Boston to North Carolina. Now I'm in a Holiday Inn next to the studio waiting for the bar to open. Then we're gonna go in and kick out the song. so that's basically a day in the life. It's not ultra exciting, I don't have naked girls hanging off my balcony. How we get all this shit done sona blows my mind. That's rock'n'roll to me.
Which time in history would you have loved to have lived? And why?
I'm one of those kind of people who likes to live in the now. I don't wish I was born in another time. I‘m fine where I'm at.
Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets are safe, you have a chance to go and retrieve one thing, what would it be?
It would have to be the gurtar.
What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly
128 THE LIST .' "
in one go over the last five years?
Probably about four hours. I don’t seem to last much longer.
What was the last thing you stole?
You know what. I can't fucking think of the last thing I stole. Probably a pack of cigarettes except for some candy from one of those little marts you go by on tour and you don't feel like dealing with lines.
If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability what would it be?
I would definitely be invisible: I could think of a million things I could do with being invisible. There's a lot of stuff I‘d like to check out unnohced.
What, if anything, is too serious to joke about?
There’s a lot of stuff about the state of this planet at the moment that shouldn‘t be taken too lightly. Where we're at on a world stage and what's going on globally from politics to the environment I don’t think should be taken too lightly.
What’s your favourite biscuit?
I'm not a big biscuit guy so I‘d go for a blueberry muffin instead.
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
Anything by Barry Manilow.
Have you ever exploited your position to get something? Did you get the results you hoped for?
No but my wife has. she's used my name to get into a couple of places.
Who would you like to play you in the film of your life? Who do you actually think would play you?
That's funny you should ask me that because we were talking about that a couple of nights ago. And there was nobody I could think of. There are a lot of great actors but I can't think from that perspective.
When did you last dance? What was the occasion?
Last time I was in London at the Metropolitan. Do gentlemen prefer blondes?
I've always been a brunette guy myself.
When did you last cry? What was the reason?
I think when my grandmother died.
What makes you good at what you do? Because l love it and I’m sincerely dedicated and committed to it and everything that goes along with it. the work aspect and everything in- between.
What’s your lucky number? Can you tell me how it has proved to be so.
7. No. I just made that up.
What’s your biggest regret?
I'm the type of person who doesn‘t have any regrets. Everything happens, it is what it is.
Are you a cat or dog person?
I like snakes a lot. but if you say just cats and dogs I'd say cats. I've always had cats not dogs. though at the moment I do have a dog. my wife's dog.
What’s your all-time favourite sitcom? Why? Absolute/y Fabu/ous. that to date is my favourite. It's just great. I love Patsy and the dysfunctional concept they've got going on just cracks me up. Pasty’s my hero.
What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a woman for? And was it successful or not? A week or something like that. And was it worth it? Yeah. usually.
What do you like least about your life?
The business aspect of it. definitely.
What do you like best about you life?
Being able to write. record and perform and everything that goes along with what I do. Just having a really cool fucking wife. great kids and a couple of really good guitars.
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WHOSADTl-EGERMANSHAVE NOSENSEOFW
Heard the one about the German who poured champagne over a beggar?
When right wing politician Peter Gloystein tipped the contents of his bubbly all over a homeless Bremen guy, he must have known he was in big political poo poo. Backtracking like a demon, Pete insisted that he had aimed for the poor chap's mouth but. wracked with guilt. offered the drenched Udo Ottmann his expensive Mont Blanc pen and enough cash for a night in a swanky hotel. Udo declined and Pete resigned in shame. Then there was the German who is suing eBay over the Popemobile?
So. if you sold a car over the internet for some 2130.000. w0uld you be pleased? Well, Benjamin Halbe's not. He initially paid just over £6000 for the VW Golf once owned by the new Pope. Benedict XVI, before heading straight onto eBay to make a killing. Seems that Halbe is so upset at rumours that dozens of potential bidders were unable to log on in time that he has gone to his lawyers to open proceedings.
And how about the German who gets all his energy from the sunlight?
Cancer researcher Dr Michael Werner claims that he hasn’t eaten a single frankfurter (or anything else which comes under the bracket of 'food') over the last four years because he is getting all the nutrition he requires from sucking in vibes from the sun. An occasional sip of water with a chaser of fruit juice is his only concession to hedonism. And the German who designs cakes to celebrate divorces?
With over 10.000 legal separations occurring in Berlin every year. innovative baker Georgius Vasseliou knew he was onto a good thing when he launched his new range of cakes. With prices as low as 230, couples could get a divorce cake neatly topped off with a ripped up picture of their former loved one. ‘lt makes sense to sweeten up a bitter experience.’ Georgius reckons.
Not forgetting the German who blew his flat up with insect spray.
Walter Mueller caused over £100,000 of damage when a spark from his computer ignited the aerosol spray from cans of extra-strong insect repellent with which he had been flooding his flat for days. His own bijou pad was destroyed and all its windows blown out in the incident which led to neighbouring apartments taking a hit. Amazingly. no humans were injured but any surviving bugs in the vicinity have been well and truly exterminated. And finally, there’s the German who put maggots on his restaurant menu. Ice-cream, cocktails and salads. Great grub. but lacking in one thing. according to Alexander Wolf. a Dresden restaurateur: slimy, squirmy maggots, that's what. So he has imported some top notch specimens from Mexico and swiftly found himself turning customers away. so huge was the demand. The Wolf man is now considering adding ant eggs and grasshoppers to the menu.