V C A. 7"
the L E
Sucking the blood of popular entertainment
a in l".{3 cigl days. the devil had the .1 3‘ l \l' 3'5 (1' I\' \/ I?) »{/k
l.( Sq I, .,‘(\ x ,.,.,l my , I,” s Ballet record Item. I! a crying
snare and is undoing curse on the
.'.cr..i. Bot exer s:i‘.;:e the arriya! of do.-.r~. cad rig. twe- l eecii has been p a. ;a t' l .i( .d e.er‘-’.'tl‘ii:g the
internel has to offer it you're after Da'k
0’00 (/1 “.1? r’./\/./ ’ lb.” 'Xt,’\l l./(1\,l<..'(,lz'df) n1. tiie Scissor Sisters. tliose satanx:
seams of n1..i‘.;;.':k':n 52;; ::.de ox'ena;d .'.'llli :sliariieiess disco grooves. the
l econ is l:£‘:;;;)‘, to Supply. A'i aspiring A."th Booger. {he l eech's Fagin was a’.'.a,s Sex Pistois' fi.£l)i'(3ll7() Malcolm McLaren. Ne. er .'l‘.l‘i(l al that Alan Sugar bollocks on The Are/eat (,e. A:
,. “my, , ,,,.,;‘,,‘. Itit,.\ (4‘11 /"1 y ’0”, \r\._ “it: i/rlt’iiii, xydaatue (1 u \fldi.) \)\/IT"\/
a suitably sri‘ashthe
‘.<;'—a..~‘.'e‘:".ts cash. in London fcr The Great How 1’ Hz; .’ Strand/es 253th .-:.-"t;a"‘,. Ilie leech .'.'at:: ted
her; red as 8.1 .:.<;..s sang My ‘.‘.’a‘,". ‘r ;- =f;'i.ri;.:‘.;,' to [Do Aziyfihg' in
ne: to what c:;.i;:l have been
i'. .-:;-’::‘.e ‘.'.'est .' ms: her waxwork likeness. Either
“mm. ,:;ri't dead. liiit the Leech
.oocl. Or perhaps it ‘.'.'as
has '(;E;.’l it it .e .ast rites.
the unpro-cec-ced annals 0F D C Jacl<so
Sugardaddy
But Colin Farrell's lib.do. that's a phen >n‘enon eyeh the Leech can't .gr‘.::re. The man has simply get to have it. As one of the few living creatures still .inapproached by the Irish actor. the Leech has started to take it personally. Reveiations that Farrell failed to seduce the 70- year-oId actress Dame Eileen Atkins have been little consolation. as the Leech knoi'rs full well that Vi’ayne Rooney is still out there.
Clearly though, nobodys toid Edinburgh label SL Records and their new nine-piece Outfit Misty’s Big Adventure. The Bi‘diiimie twtlnts
maintain that nev.’ Single 'Hey Man' has been banned from the BBC'S playlist because b—side. 'Eyil', is too daringly scathing of the powers that be. They seem to have overlooked the fact that it's paranoid dribble. The Leec'n apologises tor giVing them the oxygen of publiCity when they scarcely deserve the oxygen of oxygen. Such inane criticism of the establishment will always be ignored. 0 KEG a disillusioned and mulleted electorate has engaged John Prescott in mortal combat. the Deputy PM is hardly going to notice a gaggle of whiny Midlands minstrels.
That said. it’s good to know some footballers still believe roasting is something their manager does at half-time. One Such player is former Celtic striker Henrik Larsson. x'xho alz'irays struck the
a é Leech as a decent bloke. especially on. the solitary occasion he returned our \.‘.’£i\.(-}. Now. the Leech has also sold gentleman's tinden'xear to former Liverpool and Republic of Ireland defender Mark Lax'rv‘enson. It was an
axe ‘liSDll'll‘ig it‘oii‘,erit. but I d d not compare to seeing goal King lleriiik receiye his honorary degree from Strathclyde University and the manner ll‘. irrhich the university '5; dignitaries ((BCGI‘.'O(l their lt(}‘.'.' doctor of keepy- ups. arms wide open for all the publiCity they could get. It's a funny. very lucrative old gaii‘e.
CAT-A-PULT
Do you hate the way cats look at you like you‘re poo on their paw? Here's your chance to get your own back by firing the glaring, smug beasts (or at least a tiny plastic representation of said glaring, smug beasts) across the room with the genius Cat-A-Pult. Naturally, we couldn't possibly condone or wish to promote cruelty to animals. Besides, a real cat wouldn’t fit.
HATE! PUBLIC AFFECTION
Oh God, spring is here and with it comes untold amounts of grasping, grappling, groping couples, so compliant in each other‘s love that any sane person needs a sick bag to get within a ten metre radius of them. Please get out of our parks and public gardens and take it indoors, you vile inbreeds. This nation was not built on such vulgar foibles.
cepyri'ght 2005 D C JaCKSOl'l
_:
so I tried to buy my girlFriend some jewellery.
12 THE LIST '.'.i
OFF the internet. 1
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only I mum have CllCKed the wrong \
buaon or something...
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She didn’t seem to Hike her ipaedODhH'
ring. , ’
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