He’s one seventh of the mighty BELLE AND SEBASTIAN and Stuart Murdoch’s diary can end up pretty full, but he can always find time for a macaroon.
What’s the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today?
Shit. I just got up . . . paid the cleaner? Wore a fedora?
Which time in history would you have loved to have lived? And why?
This time will do. but I fantasise about visiting Glasgow in abOut. say. 1950. when most of the old rail infrastructure was still in place. I'd go on all the old routes. filming the experience throughout on a hidden camera. to replay at leisure when I returned to present day.
Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets are safe, you have a chance to go and retrieve one thing, what would it be?
A snitcase of old tapes.
What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly in one go over the last five years?
Do you mean \‘JllllOLll waking up? Seven hours maybe.
What was the last thing you stole?
Well, never gave back really. An item of clothing as a memento.
What’s your least favourite country? And
128 THE LIST
RearView ANSWER MACHINE
why?
Antartica. I just wanna be warm.
If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability what would it be?
To play footie like a young Henry.
How many times a day do you look in the mirror?
Three times.
You could quit your job and start afresh tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new. What would you choose to do?
A religious radio broadcaster at the BBC; footballer at the weekend.
Do you consider yourself organised? How often do you have to look for your keys?
If you asked Katrina in our office she’d tell you I‘m shit. But hey. I'm answering these questions before practise. so I can‘t be too bad.
Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke? Nickerless girls don‘t climb trees.
What, if anything is too serious to joke about?
Not too much. Give it a bit of time.
What’s your favourite biscuit?
The humble macaroon. In our band they are worshipped like cats in Egypt.
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
‘Teenage kicks'.
How big do you tip in restaurants?
Pretty big. My best friend always checks how much I‘m leaving and tries to sneak it back in to my pocket! She has views on the correct amount. 80 when she‘s around, and the waitress has been a bitch, I leave an inordinately big amount just to get a reaction from her. Also, to make the waitress feel guilty/turn her day around.
When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book?
Last night. Comic book called Optic Nerve by Adrian Tomine.
Have you ever exploited your position to get something? Did you get the results you hoped for?
| exploited my position as a six-year old by kicking and screaming until my mother took me to see King Kong at the pictures. This disgraceful behaviour amazingly got the required results. Who would you like to play you in the film of your life? Who do you actually think would play you?
Ha ha ha. McQueen but in reality. an American undergraduate in some fanciful college project that bears no relation to my non-filmic existence. When did you last dance? What was the occasion?
Last Friday at The Woodside. Ironically, I think it was the Undertones. A great band on their day: just not at the funeral please.
Do gentlemen prefer blondes?
l‘m no gentleman.
Can you cook? If so, what’s your signature dish?
If pushed. Something involving a potato and a smoked fish.
When did you last cry? What was the reason?
The other day I was at Conference to discuss the future of Culture in Europe. In Paris. No shit! For two days we sat and listened while bored intellectuals tried to work out which was their arse and which was their elbow. When finally a young man from Hungary pointed out in a beautiful and humble way that everything that had so far been said was completely redundant and arrogant. and
went on to tell what him and his pals would've done with the money spent on putting on the dumb conference, I shed a small private tear of relief. admiration and empathy.
What makes you good at what you do?
The good fortune to be able to do exactly as I please.
What’s your lucky number? Can you tell me how it has proved to be so.
I don't have one.
What’s your biggest regret?
C'mon, I‘m too young for that.
Are you a cat or dog person?
Woof
What’s your all-time favourite sitcom? Why? Father Ted. When Dougal and Ted go to bed it makes me go to bed at the same time.
What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a woman for?
7 years, 7 months and 27 days.
And was it successful or not?
Of course not.
What do you like least about your life?
The boredom. the waste, the fear. And it's all over so fast.
What do you like best about your life? Knowing that it doesn‘t end here.
I A compilation of early EPs by Belle and Sebastian Push Barman to Open Old Wounds is out Mon 23 May on Jeepster. See page 72 for rewew.
IS THERE ANYTHING BETTER THAN . . . ?
I Jose Mourinho’s face after a crushing defeat.
I Policemen directing traffic.
I Shambling around jaked long into the night and stumbling upon an open chippie.
I Drinks that you have to poke a hole through the top of a carton to get at.
I The prospect of Michael Winner never making a commercial ever again.
I Repeats of The League of Gentlemen. Little Britain: pah!
I An Australian café owner painting over a dead rat rather than picking it up and chucking it in a bin.
I Michael Howard's tour bus tax disc being out of date.
I Trying to predict to within a month when Pete Doherty will go back into rehab.
I Seeing Angelina Jolie on ‘humanitarian' missions across the globe meaning that we remain even further away from another Tomb Raider catastrophe.
I Knowing that the speculation over the new Bond is nearly at an end.
I Coming to the end of a great novel and just having to start reading it from the beginning again.
I The oldest hippo in Europe being put on
medication to curb her sexual enthusiasm.