thLEECH
Sucking the blood of popular entertainment
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I The Leech has a bone to pick With Jamaican trainers. the founding ‘ i - I i l ' mums? no. it’s not some T0 HAPI’C». i'VC
you lot. In a case of voting for the member of the Slits whipped up the (.01 A sowvicim.
wrong idiot that would make an crowd at Glasgow's Barfly (usually an
American blush, you let some no-mark atmosi.)here-free slough of 5 ' , ovens scams; i vow? """3252‘633‘1‘329‘2‘33‘"
Girls Aloud reject take the rightful despondeiicyl into a beer-soaked . “my mm A 305' we" wwwnw‘s
place of the divine Jordan in the punky reggae frenzy. One by one.
EurOVi3ion Song Contest. For shame! then all at the same time. , "WWW, we” won mm 'glosuyfoyfimyycofipfx:53? ,0 “in” 95mm“, no
OK. so our Katie's singing is a teensy specIaCuIarly drunk dykes and TTougngcfiuzygi-f'fi-T ,";303,{; am“ 0‘ ‘ "u‘ “’9 ‘ w”? _
bit sub-par. but. good Lord. can yOU teenaged fashion babies — keep wvfififlfifiyfifi,fim
imagine what she would've looked like working that ‘raided the dressing up “55””-
on the big night? A belly full With eight box at a care home' look. girls! - were
months' wonh of the most coherent dragged onstage to lend a scream to
argument for eugenics the Leech has Ms Up's gloriOus run—through of Slit
ever heard propping up those twin hits. ‘Shoplifting', ‘Typical Girls'. and a
aflronts to nature she keeps on dog-rough run-through of 'Heard It
her chest. A spectacle denied us Through the Grapevnie' all proved that
forever. On the plus Side. perhaps the An still has it. many a year after she
knock to her pride Will cause a spiral ran away at 15 to form the Best Girl
into prescription drug hell, marking the Band Ever. Sadly. the bored blokes in
transition from post-human Orlan for the band and constant ‘please buy my
inspiring. a fact noted by a Cynical element who. when Ari asked 'What
the masses into full-blown John album' patter weren't exactly riot- Waters herOine.
As practical talents go, the ability to
I Come to think of it. does that time is it?'. bellowed ‘20 years too move objects through the air with remind you of anyone? The last ultra- late!’ But. hey. you gets what you power of the mind rates way above fire celebrity who got by on her dodgy don't pays for because yOu're on the breathing or tearing phone directories looks. whelped some halfWit pups. guest list. in half as attention grabbers at dinner then crashed and burned was parties. Sissy Spacek in the movie practically canonised by you. the I No one sent the Leech a press Carrie was perhaps the most familiar
British Public. You'd lick the corpse of release. but it seems that Lady Punks Lady Di. but can't lend Jordan a few Comeback Month is upon us. as
puffs of publiCity oxygen? Null pOints. Hazel O’Connor makes the trip north on Saturday 2 April for. er. the 24th Edinburgh International Harp Festival. Apparently Ms Connor accompanied by the wonderfully named Cormac de Barra. is set to present a selection of songs and stories musing on her 808 glory days as a bolshy singer-actress- whatever. before it all went a bit shady in a blaze of dodgy recording contracts. The Leech is unsure as to who is the punkier here — Hazel for turning harp harpie. or Ari for refusmg to let the
exponent but it seems this kind of mind bending madness is just what the 2012 Olympic committee needs to turn people on — the 100 metre tmck shift is sure to thrill the crowds.
X-PHILES
The letter X is neither big nor clever and quite when it became acceptable to deface the English language with this white sheep of the alphabet remains a mystery. We may live in high-octane, ever-morphing, multi- tasking, hot-desking, heart-failure-by-
I So. how to lift a heaw heart in the music die. Oh. who is the Leech 50 society but can you honestly get wake of Jordan '8 defeat? The Leech kidding? The only way to make a harp any benefit from using the word SOLight succour in the arms of another punk is by throwing it off a motonz'ai, ‘thanx‘? And don’t try claiming it’s goddess. A real one. this time: Ari bridge onto a camper tan full of affectionate. A hug says you care way
Up. In her Gorgon dreadlocks and 85 hippies. more than bad spelling ever does.
12 TNE LIST ‘13? Mar 2‘05