He may balk at foolish royals and Britain’s loss of innocence but when it comes down to it, VERNON KAY is just in it for the footwear.
What’s the most rock’n’roll thing you’ve done today?
I got out of bed.
Which time in history would you have loved to have lived? And why?
During World War II. because I think in Great Britain there was sense of camaraderie around the country. which has been lost. for one reason or another. People do not tend to speak to their next door neighbour any more: they do not leave the back door open any more. Back when people were one and not individuals. People talking to each other. which I think is gone unfortunately. part of this is because we have gone a bit too PC. Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets are safe, you have a chance to go and retrieve one thing, what would it be?
My record collection because it cost me a fortune and it kind of reflects who I am and it’s the greatest records I have ever been into. I have got some really hardcore punk records.
What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly in one go over the last five years?
A couple of days after Glastonbury. because the
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day after Glastonbury y0u‘re still a bit up. you're tired. but still thinking 'great'. A few days after you think ‘what the fuck was that all ab0ut?'
What was the last thing you stole?
My wife's heart.
What’s your least favourite place? And why? Tenerife. l have been there many times as a teenager and at that stage in your life when you're discovering kissmg and holding hands. it‘s a great place to be. But we went back. me and my Wife. and it is just a shithole.
How many times a day do you look in the mirror?
TWice. once when I clean my teeth in the morning and once when I clean my teeth at night.
You could quit your job and start afresh tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new. What would you choose to do?
I would love to be a racing car driver or in the SAS. l have got a friend who was in the army. Some of the skills he learned. when he puts them to use around the house and in the back garden, you think wow. I'd like to learn SAS survival and playing with big weapons.
Tell us the punchline to your favourite joke? His underpants fit like a glove.
What, if anything, is too serious to joke about?
Death and destruction. It‘s in the papers today. Prince Harry in his costume. He seems to be a bit confused on that front. I think he has his granddad's brains. So I think in a way. definitely anything that has caused a lot of grief to any families. I think Harry was wrong to wear that fancy dress costume. Imagine being the Queen, she's got to go to Auschwitz for a ceremony and her grandson is walking about with a swastika armband. One thing that is interesting is the tsunami disaster. Have you heard a tsunami joke? There are none going. No one has told me or sent me anything silly about the tsunami disaster. because it is just shocking.
What’s your favourite biscuit?
Penguins or mint Clubs.
Who would you like to play you in the film of your life? Who do you actually think would play you?
Tom Hanks. He was very dumb and my life is very similar to Forrest Gump’s. I don‘t really go out to do anything; I just fall into things. Tom Hanks was very good in Forrest Gump. so Forrest Gump 2 maybe with Vernon Kay.
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral?
Anything by Stock. Aitken and Waterman.
When did you last dance? What was the occasion?
It was New Year’s Day in a car park in Manchester,
during a Tribal Gathering Hacienda reunion with Graham Park and Mike Pickering DJing.
Can you cook? If so, what’s your signature dish?
A bacon hotpot.
When did you last cry? What was the reason?
I think it was the birth of my daughter, Phoebe, in October.
What makes you good at what you do? Because I am me. I am not an actor. I am not a character. Many presenters on telly are not what they are like in real life. which annoys me a little bit. Jonathan Ross is exactly the same. cheeky. sarcastic. but in a funny way. I hope that if I stood in a bar and a bloke who has never met me starts chatting to me says, ‘Hey, you‘re just like you are
on the televrsion.'
Are you a cat or dog person?
I love pussy.
Who is the best dressed British celebrity? What gives them that special something? Richard Ashcroft was best dressed celebrity. during the Verve. before he went quiet. I read in a magazme recently Will Young was best dressed man of the year. It should be best stylist for Will Young. that's what annoys me. | just wear what I wanna wear; what I feel comfortable in. You're telling me Will Young has come through with that hairstyle? Don‘t get me wrong, he is quite a nice lad and I do get on well With him, but I mean I don‘t understand why he is held in such high regard style-Wise.
What’s your all-time favourite sitcom? Why? I love anything old. if you look at them and the lighting. it is so dark and that reflects the sense of humour that there was in the 70s. It you look at Two Up. Two Down. how dark was that? It was just mad like Porridge and all those kind of shows. What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a woman for? And was it successful or not? Four months and yes it was successful. I have been married for just over a year.
I Vernon Kay hosts the T4 Honours on Sun 20 Feb on Channel 4. He also presents the Morning Show on Radio 1 on Saturdays and Sundays from 10pm—1am.
10 11-IINGS WE KNOW NOW (BUT DIDN'T KNOW LAST WEEK)
1 Tickling the roof of your mouth with the tip of your tongue counteracts the sneeze impulse (from www.b3ta.com).
2 ‘Ei hombre trajeado’ means ‘the man in the suit' in Spanish (from the press release for the new El Hombre Trajeado album).
3 King James VI believed pigs were inhabited by the devil — pork was taboo in Scotland for many years (from a book Our food editor read).
4 George Clooney's pet pig Max died this month. aged 16 (from Heat).
5 The collective noun for foxes is a skulk (from www.indianchild.com).
6 Pedestrians cause almost 2m road accidents every year at a cost of £168 per accident (from the Daily Record).
7 Ray Liotta is set to make a cameo appearance in this season of ER (from Channel 4). 8 1’he record for most Oscar nominations without a single win is held by A Turning Point and The Color Purple which were each nominated for 1 1 Academy Awards (from www.geocities.com/oscartrivia).
9 ‘l’he 10,000 tickets for the secc Tsunami Aid show sold out in 36 hours. The 120.00 tickets for U2’s entire British tour sold out in six hours (from Music Week).
10 Libya is the only country in the world to have a single colour flag (from The Times World Atlas).