112 THE LIST tl—Qt‘ Jab .‘t‘ffi
RearView ANSWER MACHINE
She’s the creator of one of the nation's most loved literary characters. Adrian Mole. and the popularity of her books made her the best-selling novelist of the 1980s But despite this success. Cliff Richard. Thatcherite sleeping patterns and a deep desire to transform a housing estate in Leeds still keep
SUE TOWNSEND awake at night
Which time in history would you have liked to have lived and why?
I would not have liked to have lived in any age before Nurofen was invented. Not that I'm in pain a lot but I like to know they're there.
What is the most rock & roll thing you’ve done this week?
Havmg dinner at Jamie Oliver‘s restaurant. It was fantastic! He was absolutely knackered but lovely.
Your house is on fire; your loved ones and pets are all sate. You have the chance to retrieve one thing. what would it be?
I think it would be an original photograph of Edith Sitwell taken by Jane Bown. it's a one off original. I've admired both those women. Edith Sitwell‘s father used to make her sleep in a cage when she was 13 because he didn't want her to grow any taller. You’re not serious . . .
It must have been 1901 or 1902. The village blacksmith made this body cage for her. Her father also wanted to straighten her nose so he made her wear this cage on her nose at night. What’s the longest time you’ve slept soundly for in one go, over the last five years?
Six hours. It used to be live but I heard that Mrs Thatcher slept for five hours a night so I retrained myself.
If you could wake up tomorrow and have obtained one ability, fictional or real, what would it be?
I would give every single person in the world a tap and sewage pipes. I'd be the goddess of clean water and drains. What was the last thing you stole?
A wand of mascara a long time ago. I was an adult but I‘d run out of money for Christmas presents so I stole it. My sister still doesn't know that her present was stolen.
If you could quit your job tomorrow and have the skills to do something completely new what would it be?
I would go to the Gibson estate in Leeds I would transform it. I would open about six adventure playgrounds. | used to run them before I was a writer. The children would be allowed to make dens. light fires. swing from trees or pulleys. There would be rehearsal studios where the children could practise instruments in the evening and record themselves. And there would be fantastic sporting facilities. and I would transform the estate.
With you running the show?
Yes. You can‘t just muck around with a generation that‘s lost its way. You‘ve got to put in the amount of money that is poured into residential care and prison. It would balance out. I know it
wOuId
Is there one song you would hate to have played at your funeral?
Anything by Cliff Richard It‘s not men about the music it‘s the accent he uses which is sickenineg tick It's lll(lt‘0tlf§l\ showcase. I‘m actually physicalh allergic to him. l'm not down on him because it's fashionable to be down on him, he's iust sickenineg false
Tell us the punch line to your favourite joke.
One hippo turns to the other and says ‘I keep thinking it‘s Thursday'
What is your favourite biscuit?
Rich tea. Simple and refined but not in a posh way.
Have you ever exploited your position to get something and did you get the results you hoped for? No. never, I would be ashamed of myself. I know people who have done that “do you know who I am' sort of thing to get a taxr
What makes you good at what you do? I'm the most curious person I know. I'm curious about everything — the whole world - how it works. why it works, how the people who live interact. what their life experiences are. It makes getting out of bed in the morning GXClllllg, to think that you'll find out something new. When I could see and l was mobile I used to go to the City and Just get lost. Even when l was a little kid I used to cycle off and go to a strange town. Never knowmg what‘s gomg to happen is Just fantastic.
Are you a cat or a dog person?
Both. I‘m a bit down on cats at the moment because we laVished a lot of money on our cat for IHJQCllOllS and collars and it Just buggered off to live With somebody else. I have got a dog who is the most loved dog in the East Midlands. 80 60/40 in favour of dogs. What do you like best about your life? Havmg SIX granddaughters and one grandson who make me laugh. They fill me in on things that I can't do or see.
I love BBC radio too. The best thing about my life is knowmg that there WI“ always be something interesting to follow or listen too. But my husband and my grandchildren mainly.
I/Z/Jrrai. f/fue «'t/l’f .'/r;xi;/i/v, a" [),";."U’,;‘f(/fs ', ’1 If (ll/.7;'/\'1'{/i/",'i‘,‘/: I).
..ri/’,',"1‘:/ Jfl .‘zi',’
It’snottoolrmtoemerouromz offlreYeanJustwrltedownme motenswusfleatwadlrr lssue511)andemamomto