.2: n :7: I, 533 (iii an —-i O a:
be enlightened
Earlier this year, Edinburgh-based magazine CIA Nights had a spat with The List over our decision not to include it in a round-up of Scottish fanzines. Now, its co-editor Nick Holdstock turns his guns on the capital itself.
our heroin and chips; your faux enlightenment; your yapid council: your listings magazine: the wind that cuts your minor Scottiin sun: the
puke gutter of your (irassmarket; your crass conyoys of
people headed for un-loying marriage: your hills: your tourist grasp of history: your tepid festiyal: this is why we despise you. why we speak of friendly bombs and smiling holocausts.
Because you are not Berlin. where every station is a disco. Berlin. whose light we‘ye seen. where our eyes first loyed the litter bins. their l‘isher Price coding. red for paper. green for glass. blue for all the lies that Mother Reekie fed us. They are incapable of waste. In order to see vomit or broken glass. you must look at the fleets of gleaming Volkswagens. built from rubbish. powered by rubbish. which patrol the streets. liyen their toilets are designed to catch the shit. retain it for inspection. fttrther processing. And we could not help but confess. as we knelt and inspected. that there was something in our shit. something not fully understood. Something to pull from one‘s pocket in a late night waiting room where the bttffet is closed.
And these are not the only colours. sounds. There are yellow streaks on green bridges. The bulge of brot and currywurst. the sense of meat delivered. (‘appuccinos. iiber llufl'y: beer that doesn‘t taste of piss and shopping trolley: of a centre airbrushed while the rest rots. But in Berlin we saw no quarrel. eyen though we tried our best. brought out all the liawlty jokes. said l‘l'll/ and llun. did moustache impressions. The only hand laid on us was a fraternal one that stroked our neck and wished its better luck in penalty shoot outs.
Tremble. lidinburgh. at their works. Their skiply- furnished lounge bars: the seats that can be sat on for more than I l minutes. Throw yourself to cheap wood floors. Burn your kennel attempts. those \‘inyl squat square stools. Lock the doors. batten the hatches. Turn on all the pumps. Let crowds of children‘s fingers tap
LIKE
the new aquariums. Let greasy digits stun the Ya fish of
liayorit. the sticklebacks of Cam-ash.
And you. liores‘t Cafe. smugly sure in your wireless connection. your dog‘s box free shop. your polished vegan cakes. Swallows you mistake for summer. exceptions to Berlin's rule. where whole streets are one giant internet. where eyery eyery Tiergarten tree transmits a signal of the broadest band. And you will not find a shop that will accept your money. where they will not beg. nay. implore you to take without a guilting giye-whateyer—you-can. They are in the new beyond. a place that custom cannot wither. where people have no need of cake and fondant. it is neyer fancied.
() lidinburgh the free? The liberated! Edinburgh. you
10 THE LIST ~1~ i8 Not. 2004
STUDY
THE CITY OF DESIRE, ITS STREETS
SLIGHTLY PARTED LIPS
joke. You children playing adult games. All of Berlin
mocks your ‘late' licences and massage bars; your Fingertips. your (ientle Touch. (‘owetu hang your heads for shame. you cryptri-puritans. Then raise those heads for instruction. Study the city of desire. its streets like
slightly parted lips. where tap water has the tang of
checkpoint couplings. a sweetness of the fittest weissbier. Berlin. gathering of bliss. on whose eyery corner stand cubicles for passion. loyemaking. (‘apsules linked into one great citywide network. sharing all the joys and sighs since Nb"): stocked with Super Sex Nintendos. packed with game boys and girls wanting their buttons pressed. Berlin. where eyer stroll becomes a Love Parade. And lidinburgh'.’ ’ou haye Doreen and her rubber gloyc. fresh from her Lidl shift and saying. '.\'ow son. what will it be'.”
And if still you ayert your eyes. squeal. ‘But I jtist love this place and liettes is so l'ab.‘ Well then. may we just say. Parliament. Doltish choice of stone and foolish waffle windows. And. looking wider. deriyation. (‘heap neo-classicistn. lidinburgh. where eyen the schools rip off the new museum. while entombed Ruskin does not so much turn as rotate. Let us instead say Reichstag. ('lean forms. transparency. Let tis praise a city where each construction is a shift in paradigm. a principle in stone.
But for all this new. this neu. Berlin heeds the yoice of antiquity in ways that lidinburgh could never. lt obeys Tacitus' call. lets history crumble. but not oyer much. It has its palaces of the past. its stolen treasures. smashed altars. its Babylon. its Ishtar. its Mughal and Safayid. Antiques yes. btit within borders. it keeps its history encircled.
So we say. Berlin tiber alles. It shall be our new father. the one who will teach us things other than fishing. lighting. lt is city made aesthetic. And we. we cannot come back.
cianights©yahoo.co.uk
Berlin fiber alles
PlUCKlNG FRUITS FROM THE CULTURAL BUSH
I
I The Shrek effect continues to bring superstar vorces to everyday cartoon characters. Now. two of popular entertainments great dairies look set to add their vorcos to animated movies. Madonna is to star in a forthcoming big budget kids‘ film, Arthur, directed by Luc Besson. in which she plays the part of a princess who accompanies a ten-year- oId-boy on a mrss:on to save his grandfather's house . . . meanwhile, Nicole Kidman continues to throw career curve- balls. This time. she's in talks to play the voice of a sewer rat in a new film Flushed Away. the brainchild of Bristol-based studio Aardman Animation. It‘s the stOry of a pampered house-rat who accidentally gets flushed from his Wallpaper‘-style penthouse apartment into London's filthy sewers. The lead character could be played by X - Men star Hugh Jackman . . . fans of CGI have a treat in store: Superman Returns is due to start filming in Australia early next year. directed by Bryan Singer (The Usua/ Suspects) ready for a 2006 release. lnsrders are suggesting that the film will include around 800 digital effects shots. roughly comparable to the number used in Spider-Man 2 . . . there will be no expensrve effects in the eagerly awaited second Franz Ferdinand album, if Alex Kapranos and the gang have their way. Speaking to The List last week, Kapranos said that the new album, which is due to be recorded in the new year, will be made ‘at home'. But he hastened to point out that this doesn't mean it will be a scratchy four-track made in Kapranos' bedroom. No. the album will be recorded in the band's home city of Glasgow.