The Bureau
of Oddities
ANSWER MACHINE
TIM FOUNTAIN.
Which time in history would you have loved to have lived? And why?
The year the «new anats". sun: lnxenteo. So coon l‘tim’ tww‘ t'w fIrSI 101let Trade".
Your house is on fire, loved ones and pets etc are safe, you have a chance to go and retrieve one thing, what would it be?
Bottle of popperta
What was the last thing you stole?
A man's (llgnlh on the No {‘tlt; What's your least favourite country? And why?
Wales — there are too llldlh Chapels.
How many times a day do you look in the mirror?
It llllS lll(2lll(l(}f§ nu, compact I use to look under the <;nhl(:le \.'.'a||:; ot gents' l()l|(}lt3. olohahly about 100‘ What’s your favourite biscuit?
Anythlng packed Wllll chocolate or fudge does me nicely.
Is there a gig you have been offered that you wanted to do but had to knock back? Why? I never refuse any offer. protessmnal or personal. I'm not gay. I'm Just grateful.
Judging by the risque name of his Glasgay! play. we’d be daft to not expect a degree of smut from
What song would you hate to be played at your funeral? [er0 t1 \ lrtllrt'
How do you tip in restaurants?
Io‘tw To weep math the cut it" Who would you like to play you in the film of your life? Who do you actually think would play you?
titnte l {mt nout‘et‘t the. tivf tJan‘ Bowen
When did you last dance? What was the occasion?
ltd limrwlax an nit ex {ugt'lwr‘xt'u nume'
What's your biggest regret? N ‘t haunt Mic-t1 hln‘ 'al'lll'l
Do gentlemen prefer
blondes? Han «olonr I‘; lrn-lo'xant ltto‘.“' Ir wk aht rm want
What’s the longest you’ve ever pursued a man for? And was it successful or not? |on<te upwllt fl) lllllllllt‘h TOHl want; a Stranger up l’nnww; f3trm't l7 war; Shanemtnl l)‘:(,(lll‘u' n.- 1.1;" me a hand loh lll \Jennmu.
I [)e n )1) HUN/HM)” M) It ){ MI. .‘Im (Drum/M; Hunt/e, (3«C:‘.‘;_(}()‘.‘., /.w {7781}! 73‘ .‘Jm’,’ [NH /<);//2t(i/t" Tit)- with in :t ope/7r; at the H M, (1/ (,1 um!
[twat/e. [_()/‘<f()/7, [ha (i Jar:
John fa rote“
BACK TO NATURE
Episode 2
Mister, we need to reach (bone/l abut the Siting
DGPAR‘mem‘
f tku'r new wind farm in a gimc‘twe afe’a of (he hghlavdf.
On one hand I we heal to encourage there greener vow)" of genezacmj entigj...
OH 642 0d!” Mfldyw don‘t want to mail me scenery we're trying +0 protect So, what are flow" 1 inc'cial d/Ioujhtx, minuéer.
lfwe all lived in (narrator) we would-'14. need electra'city eta”. Nice and warm in a burrow .
Now, if you‘ll excuse me, l'm late for an important Appointment . ..
Bureau of Odd/ties... We've got a problem...
128 THE LIST 2t Oct—4 Nov 2001