v. "‘
r 0 Brother, ’2 where art thou?
Right now, literature is everywhere: there’s the Man Booker Prize, the Save Our Short Story campaign, and of course Edinburgh’s new bookish moniker. In response, Willy Maley argues for the creation of the Buckfast Fiction Award.
car Brolhcr Bucklaxl. l‘\ c long atlmirctl _\our
c\cc|lcnt tonic \xinc. .\l_\ lirxt kick \\;I\ on lhc
hanks ol' l.och |.omontl in luau. l l'cll l’ortil‘ictl. Nli\\;itl;i}\. I paint lhc houxc rctl. not lhc \\llt)lL' toun. But. rcmcmhcring lhc Bucklaxt rule l \omctimcx takc hotnc a hottlc ol~ l)c\on\ crcam. lhc lruit ol‘ lhc gloom. Slipx tlomi a trcal \crxctl in a tall glaxx \\ illl a \licc (ll lcllllltl.
'l‘hc Bucklaxt \tor} ix onc l nc\cr tirc ol' tclling. Bucklaxt .’\hhc.\ \\il.\ llllllltlL‘tl a llllllhillltl _\car\ ago. in lhc rcign ol‘ King (‘nut (long hcl'orc l-'('l'l\’.) Supprcxxctl in IS“) h} llcnr} VI“. in lh’h’l it hccamc lhc onl_\ IllL'tllCVill monaxtcry rcxtorctl to ll\ original purposc. homc to a communil} ol~ Bcnctliclinc llltlllkx. 'l‘hc monks got bus) \\llll a littlc \xincmaking \ltlL‘llllL‘ antl Bucklast was horn.
'l'hc rccipc tlillL‘.\ l'rom lh")7. Taking a llll'lll‘lt‘tl \t'inc haxc l'rom Spain. atltling maccralctl matc tca. coca lca\'c\ and \‘illllllil. Originally markctctl l‘or ll\ mctlicinal propcrtics. tlircctions on lhc Iahcl rccommcntlctl "l'hrcc small glasxcx pcr tl;l_\‘. ll tltlsc Ul‘lcll L‘chcdctl ill lhc \\'L‘.\l ol‘ Scotland tluc to a \hortagc ol~ small glasscs. Still knoun lior its mctlicinal propcrtics. inlcnsch carc is rcquil'ctl allcr tltrcc small glilsscx. ll tltics “hi” it sit)\ on lhc hottlc. lca\ing _\'ou lotal|_\ maccratctl.
B} thc l‘)2(l.\. Bttcklasl .-\hhc_\ “as shilling l.—l()() hott|c\ a _\car. .-\tl\crti\ing look oil in thc l‘)3().\. At lhc opcning ol‘ lirrol |'l}iih\ It’ll/mi Hood. a tllNPlil}' in thc cincma l‘o_\ cr horc lhc slogan: ‘.'\ll lhc l’oor .\lcn Blcxxctl Robin lltltltl Bllckllhl l)llc.\ lhc \Vholc \\'t)l'ltl (iootl'. llonc) is a \ital ingrctlicnt. 'l'hc Bucklast hcc. hrctl h)” Brothcr Adam. \\;l.\ L‘I'U.\\L‘tl \x'ith lhc lil‘t‘cn Bcc to crcatc a right \\ cc humtlingcr.
l"ittiiigl_\. Bttckl'axt has a l'aithl‘ul l‘ollouing in Monklantls. hoaxting lllc highcst \alcx in thc l'K. Perhaps it‘s lhc uniquc hlcntl ol‘ honc}. cal‘l‘cinc antl l’crmcntctl grapcx. ()r thc quick l‘i\ it ol‘l’crs lllmc tlcprchtl ol' longcr-laxting highx. .\lan_\ gct lhc .’\hhc_\ hahit \t'ithoul Icatling a monkixh c\i\lcllcc.
’l‘cn _\'car.\ ago. Buckl'axl hit lhc llL‘iltlllllL‘\ \xhcn llclcn l.itltlc|l had a pop at lhc poor mcn‘x hlcxsctl tlrink. Bucklasl is still in lhc papcrx l'ol' all lhc \xrong rcasonx. .\'ot l'or its harhcd-nirc houquct hut its pl'tllk‘ltxil} lo pro\'okc anti-social hcha\ iour. \otoriotixl} an untlcragc chcragc. CllL‘tl in court morc ol'tcn than an} othcr product. it's a \x'inc \xith a had prcxx. Its capacit} l‘or cncouraging Izm'hrcaking in )tltlltg\lcl'.\ makcx it lhc tarch ol' sclllappoinlctl moral guardians. .\'o\\ c\cn its tonic status is to hc takcn ;l\\ll}.
"l‘onic' comcx l‘rom lhc (ircck lonox. mcaning lcnsion. Bucklaxt rclcascs lcnsion. Lil'c in thc Bucklaxt lanc is no jokc \\llllolll a liltlc lil'l. l.ikc it or not. this
101115 LIST. ' C ‘ .1 \
‘IT DOES WHAT IT SAYS ON THE BOTTLE, LEAVING YOU TOTALLY MACERATED'
pooi' pcrxon'x pick-mc-up is part ol' ottr hcrilagc. a \\hitc tranin rin ruiiut' tor a nation untlcr lltc iul'lucncc. \thn lhc x} \tcm gcls mctlic\a| on _\our axx _\ou join lhc monastic ()rtlcr ol' Buckl'asl. l'orgct li/‘tit‘t'ht'url. Scotlantl ncctl\ tltc Hucklaxl l'aclol‘. parl inspiring holtl .lohn Harlc_xcorn. part loin-girtling lrn Hru. a lilootl—rctl hcaxt hallxicr than lx’ctl Hull. ll raixc\ lltc \pirilx. \oolltcx lltc \a\agc ht‘caxl. 'l‘ltc lalc\t all lot .lack l)anicl\ runs: "lhc \ourcc ol' morc than a l'c\\ (i()()l) S’l‘()RlliS. somc _\ou can c\cn lcll‘. hut no tipplc hax morc talcx lo lcll than Bucklaxt.
'l‘hat‘x lhc \tor} so lar. hut is it lhc \xa} thc \tor} cntlx'.’ Brolhcr Bucklaxt. l‘\ c a cunning plan to \a\ c lhc gootl namc ol _\our cli\ir ol' _\outh. lhc mothcr ol' all hottlcx. \Vc ncctl to buck up otlr itlcax. lioxtcr imaginati\ c oullclx. \thn Macallan \\ithtlrc\\ its \ponxorxhip ol a Scottish \hort \lor} cotnpclition last war a gap opcltctl up Mr allolltcr \\ cc lillalion that\ big north ol‘ lhc Hortlcr. l’icturc lhc puhlic l‘cspoltxc to a Bucklaxt l‘iction .'\\\ill'tl. 'l‘hct‘c'x a lorm ol \hort \tor} knou n as 'microliction‘. 'l'hc thcmc l'or lhc lirxt colltpclilion might hc 'l’agc Ragc‘.
'l'hcrcK no tll)\\ll\ltlL‘. li\t‘t'}hotl} “ins
poxitix c puhlicit} tor a much-malignctl “inc. nc\\ \\riting cncouragctl l‘rom a constitucnc} \L‘ltllllll intlucctl to crcatc. a
it. l.cl lhc _\oung lcam rampagc o\cr a pagc. Buckl'axt. hithcrto a nighlmarc nightcap in lltc licltl ol‘ tlramx. coultl prch cl‘licacious in c\ cr_\ \xa}.
.\'ol \incc lhc Billtl\\lll Sixtcrx hrcuctl lhcir inlatnoux
.I‘L‘L'llk‘. ll;l\ \llL‘ll it tonic llllllillctl lhc laxlc lllltlx til~
hutltling \xrilcrx. \Vho lxlltl\\\. thcrc ma} hc anothcr .lohn Bo} \Vallon ottl thcrc.
(iootl niglll .lolm Bo}.
(iootlnight. Brothcr Bllckllhl.
llc}. \xhcrc lhc luck‘x lhc light \\\ itch?!
\lVilly Maley is Professor of English Literature at the University of Glasgow. www.saveourshortstory.org
publication to hc proutl ol‘ at thc cntl ol'
PlUCKING FRUITS FROM lHE CUllURAl BUSH
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SutOrs well under nay in mm; Burt Reynolds and Willie Nelson on coaro for The Duke“ of mem. witch already la) Johnny Knoxville and Jessica Simpson SlglK/l l ' That's boss.
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