Events are listed by date, then city. Submit listings at least ten days before publication to comedy@list.co.uk, by post or by tax on 0131 557 8500. Listings are compiled by Maureen Ellis.

Glasgow

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l’(i(' Btiildiiig. Renl‘rew Street.0870 7870707. 8pm. £7. lixpect a barrel load ol' latighs iii the company of Mike Milligan. Ireland's deadpan mirthster Michael Redmond. poetic wordsmith ()wen O‘Neill and comedy gee/a Richard Morton.

New Talent Night The Vault. I i ll) Pollokshaws Road. Shawlands, 049 0007. 9pm. £5. A host ol' aspiring comedians take a lew practice swings at the big time.

The Thursday Show The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. ()870 000 0055. 9pm. £0 (£5). Wild-haired .-\ustralian tunny lady Kitty l‘lanagan headlines. The ‘thick' sassy stand-up is supported by l.eith lad ('olin Ramone. the bear with a bite Teddy. Dan Willis and conlrontational host Raymond Mearns.

Edinburgh

0 Rabbie Where’s Yer Trousers Sandeman llouse. Trunks (‘lose. 55 High Street. 7.15pm. Free. but ticketed. Brian llennigan's irreverent radio play". based on the saucier work ol' Burns. is performed by lilaine (‘ Smith. Russell Hunter and l'na Maclean. ()nly I00 tickets are available and can be picked tip from the BB(‘ Radio Scotland reception at the Tun. lloly't‘ood Road.

Big Word Performance Poetry The Tron. 9 Hunter Square. High Street. 220 093l. 9pm. £3 (£2). lidinburgh slam champion Milton Balgoni joins lilspcth Murray. Richard Medrington. lillie Walton and compere Jem Rolls for the fortnightly cabaret.

Duck Downe The Laughing Duck. 24 How e Street. ()7905 ()45573. 9pm. £3. ('amp cabaret packed lull of last and litlt‘iotls li'iyolily. competitions. silliness and gay -lriendly tun. This eyening's guests are ('laire .\lcl.augh|in. David llcf'f'ron. Kenny Ken. Derek lightl'oot. headliner (iraham Mackie and host (This Henry.

The Thursday Show The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £0 (£5). The darkly comic Parrot headlines. with John l-‘linl. John McBride. Jo Jo Sutherland and ctilt host l‘rankie Boyle.

The Snatch Social The Liquid Room. 9c Victoria Street. 225 2504. l0.30pm 3am. £3.50 (£3). .\ new era begins at the newa re-branded. lilth- fixated. l'tinky disco-cuiii-cabaret. comically competed by Tap Water Award winner Tony ('arter and Harry :\ilts\\t)t‘lll (aka Perrier New comer w inner (iarth ('ruikshank) back from the dead.

Glasgow

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l'(i(’ Building. Renl'rew Street, 0870 787 0707. 8pm. £l2. Sec Thu 22.

The Stand The Stand. 333 Woodlands Road. 08700000055. 9pm. £7 (£0). (’omedy medusa Kitty l‘lanagan headlines. with support l'rom the alway s- al'l'able John Him. the ey er-cuddly Teddy and Dan Willis. Susan Morrison keeps the men in check.

The Vault Comedy Club The Vault. l 1 l0 Pollokshaws Road. Shaw lands. 049 0007. 9pm. £8. BB(‘ New (‘omedy Award finalist Des Mc|.ean introduces gag guarantor John (iillick. pltis Yiv (ice and that man ol' many voices Saj.

Edinburgh

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. ()mni (‘entre. (ireenside Place. 08707 870707. 8pm. £ l 2. (ieordie comedian Daye ‘the actor' Johns introduces Bennett .-\rron. musical Irishman Joe Rooney and London-based Scot (ieol'l Boyl. still best known for his Bob de \it‘o skit.

Phil does a spot of llama farming in Ecuador

HaVing to make up names for a whole bunch of llamas off the top of my head at high altitude With an Ecuadorian accent in order to convince some Russian billionaires I was familiar With the whole herd and therefore was indeed the errant grandson returned of the late president and owner of this fine hacienda we are all staying in that stands in the sii()\.'.l»(:apped shadows of mighty Cotopaxi, the world's highest active volcano. It wasn't as easy as it sounds. After llamas Maria and Gustavo I think I had a few surnames and then back to Maria again. It was a foolish thing to do. A tricky undertaking. The Russians are an intuitive lot. They hear through my ‘disguise' instantly and (I()ll‘lli(}lll on my sunburn. I am carrying the basket of carrots that are chopped and all bendy in the cloth-lined Wicker. Suddenly I don't feel that confident in my 'hacteeng'.

‘Come my pretties . .

. my beauties. my children.’ The basket is resting in the

crook of my arm. Jesus. can I call a llama 'Jesus' and have the coiones to pronounce it right? Si. I talked to them like they were my children. my ninios and ninjas. I talked and whispered to them brushing their long neck hairs and putting an arm around them. I lay on one a bit (Pedro) and he moved quickly away. They have huge buck teeth and I carried on this high altitude ii‘adness. gritting

my teeth like the llamas.

There is a perfectly simple explanation as to why I was nansng the “areas there and then. Something that covers it all and puts it into i)()t'f;i)()(:ti‘~.'(}. Rivaldo was a llama. I could see them leaning in to tn; and catch the names I was

bestownig.

What does an Ecuadorian call his llamas? l was trying to ii‘ake lll(?l7‘ sound

like nicknames now. ‘CheeChee my sweet one , . .

aali, (Tron/ales Byassf

My inventiveness was diminished by pressure. I was {lll'llll} l-‘cuadonan llan‘a owners a bad name. as well as the entire flock or herd.

The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £7 (£0). (‘omedy' ventriloguist Mark l‘elgate. who played the dummy at this year’s lestival in Free/(nice Fool. headlines. llis supporting cast includes John McBride. Jo Jo Sutherland and host Jane Mackay.

The lmproverts Bedlam Theatre.

I lb Bristo Place. 225 9893. l().30pm. £3 (£2.50). Audience suggestions spark surreal scenes of comic madness at this weekly improv showcase. 2003 Perrier Newcomer nominee lVfiles Jtipp (who wo/ robbed) leads his fellow students in spontaneous scrapes such as the lost chapters of the James Bond saga and ninja mutants in space.

Saturday 24

Glasgow

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. l'(i(‘ Building. Renf'rew Street. 0870 787 0707. 8pm. £l3. See Thu 22.

The Stand The Stand. 33.3 \Yoodlands Road. 0870 000 0055. 9pm. £8 (£0). See l‘ri 23 btit Jane Mackay cracks the whip as coitipei’e. The Vault Comedy Club The Vault. l I I0 Pollokshaws Road.

Shaw lands. 049 0007. 9pm. £8. Beat I00 bi'eaklast host and stuttering nemesis Des (‘larke takes compering honours. llis motley comedy crew this evening includes bedroom popstat' Sandy Nelson. Viv (iec and Martin and the Wee Man.

Madcap Comedy Club State Bar. I48 Holland Street. 940 9289. 9.30pm. £5 (£4). All hail the almighty comedy powers ol the Reverend ()badiah Steppenwoll‘e Ill.

Edinburgh

Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs. ()mni ('entt'e. (ireenside Place, 08707 870707. 8pm. £l3. See Fri 23.

The Stand The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 9pm. £8. See Hi 23 btit with compere Stisan Morrison.

Glasgow

Michael Redmond’s Sunday Service The Stand. 33.3 \Yoodlands Road. 08700000055. 8.30pm. £4 (£3). John l‘lint and John McBride join deadpan Irish comedian Michael Redmond.

The Vault Comedy Club The Vault. | I I0 Pollokshaws Road. Shawlands. 049 0007. 9pm. £5. liast end ol‘(i|asgow mistress Janey (iodlcy introduces local gagster John Ross.

Edinburgh

Whose Lunch is it Anyway? The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. lpm. l‘ree. lirccl‘orm l'unniness and hangov er-banishing antics from resident duo Paul (iraham and Stuart Murphy. l-‘ree(style) comedy doesn’t get much better than this.

Bruce’s Sunday Social Club The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £4 (£3). Bruce Devlin enlists the help of' Mark l‘elgatc and Teddy iii his weekly social.

Alternative Rabbie Burns Night The Lighthouse. 32 34 The Shore. l.eith. 554 9405. 9pm. £0 (£3). Toast Scotland's Bard in art irreverent fashion in the company ot' Reg '\oodoo' Anderson. Vladimir

Mc'l‘ay ish. John Scott arid Steven Dick. Sirius Comedy Bar Sirius. Dock Place. l.eith. 07905 045573. 9.30pm. £0. The l'unnybones ot l.eith are tickled in this monthly night that's chock-lull ol' local comedy heroes. l‘uiiny lady Jo Jo Sutherland introduces Scott Agnew. Nick Pound. John ()‘Brien. ('laire .\lcl.aughlin. ('hris Henry and Tango man Ricky ('allan in the headline spot.

listings Comedy

Babbie Where’s Yer Trousers Proving that Scotland's Bard wasn't all about timorous beasties. pretty flowers and bonnie doons. Brian Hennigan‘s irreverent radio play takes a look at Burns' raunchier offerings. Sandeman House, Edinburgh, Thu 22 Jan.

It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World Four of Scottish comedy's bright white hopes take a cue from Gary Jules to indulge their collective efforts in ludicrous skits. See preview. The Stand, Glasgow, Wed 28 Jan.

Reginald D Hunter The first black comedian to be nominated for the Perrier tickles the funny bones and stimulates the mind with his easy going repartee. The Stand. Edinburgh, Fri 30 Jan.

Ben Norris Fairly unknown around these parts. save for his acclaimed 98 Fringe show Sitting Room Only. the erstwhile MTV presenter tries out his conversational style in Jongleurs environs. See preview. Jongleurs. Edinburgh, Thu 5—Sat 7 Feb.

Scott Capurro Is he controversial? Catty? Or just misunderstood? See San Francisco‘s comedy king and queen and decide for yourself. The Stand. Edinburgh, Thu 5—Sat 7 Feb.

Monday 26

Glasgow

Open Mic Night The Liquid Lounge. 94 West Regent Street. 353 0333. 8pm. Free. Local comedy hero Raymond Mearns hosts this weekly open mic night. showcasing a diverse band of' merry entertainers. liancy' giving it a bash‘.’ Then there’s a free drink for every performer.

Edinburgh

Red Raw The Stand. 5 York Place. 558 7272. 8.30pm. £l. liight stand-up sucklings step into the spotlight. shepherded by seasoned pros Allen ('haliners and Bratchy.

Glasgow

Red Raw The Stand. 33.3 Woodlands Road. 08700000055. 8.30pm. £2. Bratchy and headliner Bene Linchesticov show around eight comedy try—outs how it‘s done.

I)? Jan 5) l eb 200-1 THE LIST 63