sportsquide
Gam I've been rumbled. My hand was groping for the snooze button but. alas. it is too late and my boyfriend is bounding out of bed. How can this otherwise sane person be so lively at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning? And why did I drink so much red wine last night?
6.30am HaVing found my elusive beanie and downed a coffee I head outside. Jeff is impatiently revving the engine of an ancient yet trusty Land Rover which we have eguipped with boards. boots. biSCuits. a small mountain of extra clothes and. most importantly. a duvet.
6.33am We begin our j0urney. I immediately fall asleep only to be jolted awake as the Land Rover jumps out of gear.
8.15am I wake to see the Landy is now full of fellow boarders and l have missed the Sunrise. l snuggle back under my duvet. 8.303m Almost there now. The air has that clean taste and Our Surroundings have turned from dark brown to crispy white. All week we have been praying for snow. It seems the weather gods have smiled upon us. We start the uphill climb towards our destination. Glenshee.
9am EXCItement flutters in my stomach as. having bought our day-passes. we pin the lift queue. We ignore the disdainful looks we are getting from skiers. They think we are lazy. drunken heathens. But then we're not the ones wearing fluorescent green Jumpsuits.
9.10am l endure the poma ride from hell during which I am lifted three feet off the ground then catapulted towards the top of
weekender......
the hill. My board feels like a tea—tray strapped to my soles. Last night's Merlot has affected my balance and l slip and land on my arse. I once read that for every female snowboarder in Scotland there are five male boarders —< good odds ladies. Sure enough I turn arOund to find Jeff and the lads chortling in the background. Noon lam haying a blast. The sun is out and I am listening to Jill Scott on the Walkman as l belt down the slopes. ‘God. I'm good.‘ I think to myself shortly before catching my edge and performing a movement my old gymnastics teacher would have been proud of.
2pm After scoffing a sausage roll and downing a couple of c0urage—fuelling teguilas in the resort restaurant. I try out a kicker some kids have built. Unfortunately it seems they have dug it from the bottom, leavnig a black hole on the other side. I soar gloriously through the air and land beautifully - on the bruised apple that is my bum. I go in search of a new jump. 3pm I am proud to report that l have progressed my head instead. I notice that some iii/itch has got her camcorder out and is intent on Winning 2:50 guid at my expense. 4pm Am beginning to regret vowing that I would not go home until I have landed this jump. Decide to give it one last go and belt towards the infernal thing. performing a textbook landing, I look arOLind and find that not one bloody person was watching. 4.30pm Muscles I didn't even know I had are aching. l climb into the back of the l. andy and snuggle under the duvet. Bring on next weekend. lKik Reid)
to landing on
SNOW CALENDAR
Stick these winter events in your diary
If you're looking for somewhere to show off your board skills this winter. Snowsport Scotland is organising three Snowboarding Competitions. The series starts at Lecht on 31 January. moving to Nevis Range on 28 February. and to finish. the Highland Fling will be at Cairngorm on 3 April.
It skiing is yOur bag. head to Braemar for the Telemark Festival (01339 88650). from 5—7 March. After the
races and demos. there Will be ceilidhs on both evenings. There is a Burns Day Torchlit Descent on 2:”) January at Nevis Range. where haggis. neeps and tatties will be served all day.
If you're not sure which snow sport to try. go to the Mountain Fun Weekend at Glenshee on 13-14 March. and sample the thrill of the heights. Finally. the Siberian Husky Club of Great Britain (01908 (300706) holds its annual rally at Aviemore on 24 January. (Rachael Street)
20 THE LIST (it) Oct ~13 Nov 2003
3O terms to help blag your way in snowspeak
Betty n A female of the snowboard species.
Bone out v To execute a move to full effect. Can also be known as 'showing off'. Bonk v To hit a hard object with a snowboard.
Butt pads n Bootilicious portable derriere-protectors to break the inevitable falls. Carve v To zoom around corners.
Crud n Crap snow.
Dope adj Cool, not in the temperature sense.
Dude n Snowboard bloke. can often be seen with wheels.
Face plant n A spectacular tumble. where the mug bears the brunt of the fall.
Fakie it Going backwards. Hammer v (30 hard. maties. Hit v Jump.
Hucker n A birrova wildcard who leaps into air and lands in a painful manner.
Kicker n A jump ramp that thrusts boarders high into the air.
Mogul n A small snow hillock constructed by skiers. Nose bonk v To hit something on the front of the snowboard.
Poach 1 . v To venture where no boarder is supposed to go. 2 v To cut up another dude/betty.
Poser ri Jumped up dude/petty. Roll down the windows v The frenzied. arm-waving manoeuvre oft perfOrmed in an attempt to regain balance. Scream n Major hill incline to be had. Like. steep. if you will. Sick adj Crazy. sexy. cool or sometimes difficult. Sketching v Living life on the edge. in the precarious sense.
Stick v The perfect landing. Stinky adj Riding with legs akimbo.
Stoked adj Very content indeed. Much smug smiling to be had.
Tail bonk v As in Nose bonk. but with the rear of the board.
Neaked adj Riding in a partiCuIarly style-driven manner. Vultures ri Those who w0uld omen/Vise be Out watching car crashes. Wipeout v To fall spectaCLilarly. in a way that involves the loss of your skis/board and all self- esteem.
Zonk v To make one With a wall.