Theatre
Pantomonium
You thought it was behind you, but no sooner do you get over panto season, than it’s back again. We asked some stars of upcoming Christmas extravaganzas about their best, worst and funniest past panto stories. Words: Steve Cramer
. , s; m; ,. r. ‘. ’ was about 25 years ago, and'l as doirfi '5 long pantomime tour with TA . Doing Merlin now is a bit different for me, because It ' nearly always play baddies and this one was no exception. I played a baddie called Mr Prosperous Fat Gut. On the last night in Drumchapple, we were in this small space. You get used to getting pelted with crisp packets and paper cups, but some pretty well-aimed boiled sweets were thrown at me, and one hit me right in the eye and opened it up. I was pouring blood, so I turned to the audience and said: [Glasgow accent] “If you waant tae see what happens in the end, stoappit . . And they did. The very next day I started work in Belfast on a Chekov. Belfast was in the worst state of violence it had ever been in at the time, but I had to walk into the theatre with this terrible black eye, and say: “I’m so sorry, I’ve been working in Glasgow.” {ff 2 .‘w‘if‘Hi :h'
Andy Gray ‘l'n‘. not sure if my best panto ston' didn't .nyoiye The List. Tnere was that practical Joke cooked up behneen you and a trend of Grant Stott's. two ears ago where. haying '.-.'r'tten the real reyue of Dick l’t/hxttinetort for the 'i‘aga/ine. yOu wrote a false one ‘.'.'ll|Cll praised Grant Stott as a great theatrical genus. and pretty , well forgot the rest of us. The false l'(‘,‘\.|0‘.'." was leaked by its pal to Grant. who was 7 unbearable while the rest of us were l‘.‘~‘,’81lll()(ll l n‘ean. he's atxrays great. but what about us’?
I also reinen‘ber bee-g in a pants at the Citi7ens' years ago. where l was an old n‘an who had to ask the boys and girls to blow on his garden to keep it a-ai. e. As soon as I did. a kid shouted fron‘ the box "Aye. gie the oak) bastard a blow job." It definitely took aux/ax, front the atmosphere.‘
I Andy Gray appearing rr.‘ Show '.‘./r’i.'te ano the Seven Duran/es a.‘ the King Theatre. Edinburgh. MOI: 2 Dee—Son '9 Jan
Forbes Masson
‘It's been a while since the last time my version of Jack and the Beanstalk was staged at the Tron Theatre. It was 12 years ago. in fact. The actor playing Jack was Tom McGovern. who was great in it. Anyway. he Sprained his knee during rehearsal. The Sun newspaper got hold of the story. and of course the headline ran . . . “Jack falls from his beanstalk!" Whatever next?‘
I Forbes Masson's Jack and the Beanstalk at the Tron, Glasgow, Mon 2—Mon 16 Dec
Malcolm Sheilds
'A few ,ears back, I played B:lly the Dog in Beauty and the Beast at tne Lyceun‘, I played the part a nuniber of times over the years. and there was always this moment where Beauty would (:all me. and I'd eoii‘e bounding in through the auditorium in my dog (:ostun‘e. getting Etll‘.()llt} the kids as l x-rent. Now the costume is pretty s'.'.'eat‘,'. and t'i‘is particular year l'd completely shaved my head. One night. l picked the wrong group of little boys to run to. they were Cubs. I think. Anyway. these kids grabbed hold of me and pulled Billy's head off. | ltlSl couldn't keep it on with ii‘y paws. There was this f3‘.".’(3(fl\'. bald actor chasing a dog's head around the auditorium. Spoiled the illusion a
Elaine C Smith
'Getting to play (:urrent popstars like Britney Spears is great. But the highlight and the "biggest reddy" has been lara ()roft. When it was suggested my jaw dropped and my 113~year old refused to talk to me for a few weeks »— but I loved it. No other show. apart from a very bad Norwegian porn filiii would allow me to dress up as lara Croft complete with rubber outfit. plastit: guns. big chest and ponytail. it was 'UII.‘ aina/ing how powerful that outfit made me feel and I got a few new fans as well I l'i/ft’r/(Jo/rri Shields is in Scrooge at unfortunately all of the rather seedy yariety. but weleoine nonethelessf'
the Citi/eris' lheatre. Glasgow. Tho I Elaine C Smith is appearing in zit/(klillr'T at the King's l'heat/e. Glasgow. Thu 5
253 i‘y’oi./~-Sat 28 Der: Dee—Sat 18 Jan.
56 THE LIST 2"“, N .. ‘Ll Der, ‘>