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ALADDIN Pavillion Theatre, Glasgow, until Sat 26 Jan 0

An elegant. chiaroscuro ponrayal of good vs evil morality on a Miltonian scale. finalised by a Faustian resolution which constitutes a potent attack upon rigid aristocratic values and the naivety of Eros. also starring the Krankies.

Magic and adventure ® Slapstick and knockabout C3) Jokes and japes CD

Love and romance ®

Smut and innuendo 6 Baddies and b0unders G) Celebs and soapstars 6 Top tunes @

Singalongs @

Sweetie showers -

Glitz. glamour and pizazz ®

Cheap. smutty jokes verging on out- and-out racism. a charmless and evidently bored cast. no discernible storyline. scantily-clad and practically pornographic dancers. in-performance plugging of the performers' CDs. poor set design. and even a shameless Harry Potter rip-off plot device. I love panto. This was painful. Thank God for Jimmy Kranky. And believe me. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. (O!Iy Lassman)

THE TWITS

Citizens’ Theatre, Glasgow, until Sat 22 Dec 0...

Mr and Mrs Twit are revolting. He stores food in his beard. She cooks worms for dinner. Together they plan to shoot some birds for pie filling. But will the good of this world allow such for such immorality? Your guess is as good as mine.

magic and adventure (3) Slapstick and knockabout C4) Jokes and iapes @

Love and romance -

Smut and innuendo - Baddies and bounders - Celebs and soapstars -

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Sweetie showers 6

Glitz. glamour and pizazz @

If you combine Rocky Horror Show with Bottom. you get this version of The Twits. David Wood's adaptation of Roald Dahl‘s classic is as glamorous as it is disgusting. With its glorious costumes. quirky humour and not a ‘he's behind you' in sight. this alternative Christmas Show will have yOur world turned upside- down. You've been warned.

(Mererid Williams)

THE SINGING KETTLE’S WINTER WONDERLAND

Royal Concert Hall, Glasgow, until Fri 28 Dec 0000

With new member Kevin on board. Cilla. Artie. Gary and Jane are looking better than ever as they welcome the wee ones into their dazzling Winter wonderland. The formulas the same as every year: help the gang find a kettle. sing the SK rhyme to open the lid. then Join in with the song but then if it ain't broke . . .

Magic and adventure @

82 THE LIST 13 Dec 2001-3 Jan 2002

theatre©list.co.uk

Slapstick and knockabout CD Jokes and japes C3)

Love and romance -

Smut and innuendo - Baddies and b0unders - Celebs and soap stars -

Top tunes 6

Singalongs 6

Sweetie showers -

Glitz. glamour and pizaza C3)

Packed with familiar songs and countless outsized costumes. the Winter Wonder/and may not have a plot. but that's hardly going to bother the average 4-year-old. Big people are thrown the odd laugh. but ultimately our fun comes from watching the little ‘uns face light up every time another fun character b0unds on stage. (Kelly Apter)

PINOCCHIO Cumbernauld Theatre, until Sat 29 Dec 0000

Italian toy-maker fathers mahogany pre- pubescent with an identity crisis then gets swallowed by monster whale. Nasally privileged Pinocchio is aided on his adventures by a cricket with an American accent. a fairy and a bird.

Magic and adventure 6 Slapstick and knockabout 6 Jokes and iapes (3)

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Smut and innuendo - Baddies and bounders 6 Celebs and soapstars -

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Cumbernauld Theatre's version of this classic fairytale lacks the usual hefty men in dresses. comedy idiots and pop tunes. However. this polished production is proof that the less tacky approach can not only be brilliant fun. but also offer a genuinely gripping adventure. A great script. impressive acrobatics and a deliCiously evrl cat and fox dOuble-act easily compensate for the unfortunate lack of proiectile confectionery. (Olly Lassman)

ALADDIN Palace Theatre, Kilmarnock, until Sat 5 Jan 0000

A lad in shabby clothes gets a makeover with a little help from a genie. He then pulls the princess. defeats the bad wizard and lives happily ever after. I presume.

Magic and adventure @ Slapstick and knockabout 6 Jokes and japes C43

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This is local theatre at its best. ln-iokes please a faithful East Ayrshire crowd. while returning cast members Such as High Road's splendid Gwyneth Guthrie

' are welcomed back. Performances are

well-rounded: Laz Denning's all-singing all-dancing Genie in particular. lt's perhaps slow in places. namely the ballads. But bloody hilarious in others. C0uld benefit from a sweetie shower though. To keep the kids interested. Honest. (Mererid Williams)

THE HAPPY GANG’S ARABIAN ADVENTURE Clyde Auditorium, Glasgow, Thu 13-Sat 15 Dec, then touring .00

Mr P. Spatz and Nikki stumble across a genie in their attic. robbed of his lamp by the eVil sorceress Sasima. Can the gang save the world from being covered in sand in time for Christmas? Of c0urse they can but only with lots of help from their adoring wee audience.

Magic & adventure 6 Slapstick & knockabout @ Jokes & japes @

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Singalongs :3: Sweetie showers -

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Once again. the Happy Gang prove their strong point is originality. making up for the lack of big budget theatrics with a proper st0ryline and new songs. The usual shout-Outs are there (Spatz is still greedy. Mr P sleepy and Nikki snotty) but lots of additional participation ensure the little ones are left in no doubt that they helped save the world. (Kelly Apter)

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST Tron Theatre, Glasgow, until Sat 29 Dec 0000

Bonnie loves her dad. and her rather pretentious Sister Griselda. happy but without a pot to piss in. Just for a moment. their fortune looks made. but Pa pinches one of the Beast's roses and Bonnie finishes up in a palace full of talking chairs and clocks. with nothing but old hairy arse for company.

Magic and adventure Q4: Slapstick and knockab0ut - Jokes and Japes Ci

Pan-demonlum: New Adventures Of Peter Pan, King’s, Edinburgh

Love and romance 6

Smut and innuendo - Baddies and bounders 6 Celebs and soap stars - Top tunes 6

Singalongs -

Sweetie showers -

Glitz. glamour and pizazz -

Liz Lochhead’s Scots adaptation has a wonder and beauty about it that combines with Michael Marra's live score and whisky-stained singing to create a tender kind of magic. The cast is strong. with Julie Duncanson's appalling but eminently forgivable big sister a highlight. There's much more about the challenges and compleXities of love in this production than most: the beast roars more in anguish than fury. And it's very special for that. (Steve Cramer)

BABES IN THE WOOD: A SCOTTISH FAIRY TALE

King’s Theatre, Glasgow, until Sat 19 Jan 0000

The evil Lord Hawk (Tom McGovern) is desperate to get his horrible hands on the last of the fairies. First he must track down their magic rings. In the village of Stooshie he enlists the support of a couple of robbers from CheWin' The Fat. namely Mark Cox and Paul Riley. But this terrible trio is forced to confront the formidable Polly Wollydoodle (Elaine C. Smith) and her dippy son Wesley (Ronnie McCann) who try to stop their nasty plans. Oh. and there's the two children lost in the wood and the obligatory love stOry With a prince and princess.

Magic and adventure 34: Slapstick and knockab0ut 21> Jokes and Japes (I?

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As ever. the King's panto is the best looking show in town. Glorious sets. costumes and stage magic. Excellent stuff. particularly a couple of scenes