GATECRASHER
4 Born to be mild: Ellie Carr and baby have a quiet moment
doors. Inside. though. there was an eerie night httsh atid no sign of ('r's Doctors Ross or (ireene. Instead. we were ushered quietly into a long series of hospital rooms and introduced to a long line of midwives going on and off shifts. This. as it turns out. is the real test of how had your lahottr is. 'l‘wo midwives is ouch. 'l'hree is super-ouch. Four goes off the Richter Scale of ouch.
Some hours and several midwives later. we were still in the same room. My partner was dropping off in the chair and tny resolve to hold off on the drugs until I really needed them was fading faster than the memory of si/e twelve jeans. With tea not providing much pain relief. now seemed a good time to start enquiring politely about something a hit more hardcore. ;\ hath. l was told. would he the best thing at this stage as I still had some way to go. This was not the answer I‘d been looking for.
Midday. Saturday. and My resolve to off on I was climhing the walls the drugs unt“ I really
and feeling murderous . towards my well-meaning needed them was fading partner. l was now in the faster than the memory of
prc-lahour ward. the final
furlng hefore lahottr size twelve jeans. Desperate, suite where drugs are I on my best heavy duty
administered and babies .
are horn. and had noticed moan'ng' that other women who
were groaning and whimpering hehind closed curtains were heing whipped off to the finish line much more quickly. Desperate. I laid on my hest heavy duty tnoaning.
Within seconds I was heing examined and much to my surprise. the midwife declared I was only hours away from delivery and could have all the drugs I wanted. At this point things started to get very er. With my contractions coming every minttte and causing small earthquakes in far-off(‘arihhean islands. l was httndled into a wheelchair and crashed through swing doors into a delivery room with every kind of pain relief a woman about to pass a haskcthall could desire. Natural childhirth'.’ .\'o ta.
I promptly attached myself to the gas and air mask. refusing to let go until the baby was
out. I passed on epidural. knowing it could
prolong the hirth and increase the chances of - forceps delivery and opted for diamorphine. (ias and air jltsl took the edge of the pain. but as the diamorphine kicked in everything changed. I could still feel the pain. but it didn‘t seem to matter any more. All I had to do now
was stay awake and push and it would all he
over. .»\s I felt the baby's head descend
downwards like the Charge of the Light 0 0 0 Brigade. it occurred to me I didn't have much 1 / / choice iii the matter.
.-\t this point. it all gets a hit messy. so I‘ll he kind and spare the details. Suffice to say my hahy daughter entered the world hawling and screaming at 4.4—1pm on 3| January after
~ - - a! vmo'n p in v- ; i n- in» ‘J' U- h 9 0 a 6 ' scvcnlccn huul's of pushing and ginning. a"; imam Mimi: 2:33 ‘mttc in.” Bou'iOiACu 30/. wave Landgli "We W ' . ' ') ‘ . ‘ , ., _ v i an r 0‘ \\otth ll. ( otttsc she was. vnurbmctwcw: ex.
Minutes after delivery. though. with the agony still fresher in my mind than the ecstasy. my partner leant over my knackered form and whispered: ‘Would you do it again love‘." Needless to say. the answer is R unprintahle. R
The haskethall diaries: lillie (‘arr finds out that mum is indeed the word.
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