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Wings otlhe Apache (David Green. 1990. USTNicolas Cage. Sean Young. Tommy Lee Jones. Dale Dye. 89mins. Things aretoughtorthe Americans tightlngthe drugs baronsin Latin-Americalhebad guys havetheir own one-man airtorce atthe controls ol adeadlyScorpion helicopter. Againstthese impossibleodds. the onlythiogtorlheYanksto doisto send a hugetasktcrceottheirAH-Bd Apache attack whirlybirds. However. belore lheteamcanhcad ottdownsoulhthey havetoembarkonagruelling schedule ofair-to—aircombatlraining, Top chopperpiletNicolasCage hasa lotot troublegettingthrought..esyllabus and matters aren'thelpedwhenhis old tlame Sean Young hiingsl'ierlitile helicopterinontheproceedingstoo. Helicopters don'thave wings. which isprobablylhe reasonwhythis movie is calledl‘irebirdsintlie States. Basicallyit'sthe plotolTop Gun. re~eouippedwith helicopters. and it tailsto worker. anylevel. Because all otthe spectacularlyuglyAH-Bds are oaintedthesamedullshadeotgreen. the extendedairto-airtraining sequencesaretediouswhenthey're notconlusing. whilethe inevitable final battledown south isbolh ludicrous andinept. ltthisis whatit takesto knockdown onehelicoptei then God oelptherealApachepilots out in the Belt. Cage. in what must be the mostrniserahle and uoeothusiastic
OF THE ACHE
performance of his career. takes the term miscasting into a previously unchartedwasteland (Abject Humiliation would be a suitable name tor it). while Tommy Lee Jones harks out his. dialogue like a robot enjoying a new set ol batteries. Add a couple of crappy Phil Collins songs (Greer: was
the director of Buster). and an assortment of cheap explosions and this has all the hallmarks ot being one ot the year's very worst movies. (Tom Tunney)
From Fri 19 Oct. Glasgow: Cannon. The Forge. Edinburgh: UCl.
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