THE LIST
One of the Sunday papers last week acquired, by means which the Diary has not been able to discover, a piece of the wrapping from an ancient Egyptian mummy, their intention being to use it as a competition prize. The purchase and delivery of said item was a very shady business and carried out in the utmost secrecy, the editor‘s administrative assistant being in receipt of it late one night. Unfortunately, the shred of wrapping seems to be cursed, for no sooner had she got it home than one of her prized collection of tropical fish promptly snuffed it and was discovered lying, stiff and motionless, at the bottom of its bowl.
Somewhat distraught,
understandably, by the demise of her aquatic companion, she went downstairs to telephone a friend, but slipped on one of the steps, injuring her arm. As if this weren’t proof enough of some malevolent supernatural agency at work, she was plagued that very night by an outbreak or rash of strange and incomprehensible phone calls. Who, you might well wonder, is going to be mug enough to want to win the accursed object in a competition? The answer to this one, though, is obvious - the same people who are mug enough to want to read the
Sunday papers.
Was the Diary the only body In Scotland to find the Evening Times headline oi Tuesday last week smirksome? Perhaps It was, the reason ior this being that no one else is so juvenile or has such an extensive knowledge oi the American vernacular. The headline In question, anyway, read ‘Woman. 91, In Snatch ilorrorl’ The Diary declines to explain iurther on account oi a sudden attack oi an unwonted delicacy oi
RY
mean?
Dopsi Maytest press oiilcer Chris Reece Bowen blushingly tells ol a small mistake (not many misled) he made receme In the course at his duties. A representative ol Strathclyde Women's Group rang to ask II there was anything he would recommend especially ior women to see. lie was on the case like a shot, working his way through the Mayiest programme and recommending whatever he came across that he thought the women would be Interested In. lie was not, however, on terriny strong ground when he came to the music section oi the programme - it Is not one oi his chielest Interests, and so it was, perhaps, understandable that he started praising the virtues oi Carrie and Lurrle Dell, whom he described, lor some reason he can't quite recall, as two blues-singing sisters. ‘Great,’ says his lnteriocutor, ‘iust the very thing iorthe women to go and see.‘ Tickets were purchased and duly dispatched, and It was a smiling Reece Bowen who sat back In his chair, pleased at having given satlslaction. imagine, then, his dismay when, a low days later, photographs oi the Bells arrived In his oiilce and he discovered that, although they were Indeed blues musicians, and related by iamily ties, the sororlai relationship he attributed to them was a logical Impossibility as they were, beyond any shadow ol a doubt, both men.
A pub in Edinburgh’s Cockburn Street, fed up, no doubt, with having its toilets continually being defaced by various grafitti. tried to remedy the situation by placing blackboards on the walls and inviting punters to write their comments thereon. One free spirit, however, has rebelled against what he plainly regarded as an imposition contrary to the very raison d’élre of the grafitti artist, for he has, with a dedication which one has to admire, gouged the phrase ‘pig‘s oxters‘ out of the blackboard with a knife or similar implement. Whilst we hesitate to condone this kind of vandalism. we applaud the miscreant’s independence of mind, and are fascinated by the reference to the porcine axilla. What can it
CONTRIBUTORS
Publisher Robin Hodge. Editor Sarah Hemming. Associate Editor Allan Hunter. Editorial Assistants Andrew Burnett, Simon Bayly. Alastair Mabbott. Design Simon Esterson. Advertising/Circulation Jess Barrow, Sheila Maclean. Classified Advertising Paul Kinnes. Accounts Georgette Renwick. Typesetllng Jo Kennedy. Hewer Text Production Editor Paul Keir, Production Co-ordlnalor Mark Fisher. Alt Alice Bain, Mark Fisher Books Kristina Woolnough. Classical Alusic Carol
Main. Dance Alice Bain. Diary Iain Grant. Film Allan Hunter. Trevor Johnston. Andrew Burnet, Folk/Jazz Norman Chalmers. Food Lucy Bailey. Sally Stewart. Kids Rene Taylor. Music Preview Kenny Mathieson, lilghliile Stuart Raiker. Andy Crabb. Colin Steven. Dpen Andrew Burnet. Radio Allan Brown. Rock (Edinburgh) Alastair Mabbotl, Rock (Glasgow) John Williamson. Sport Mike Wilson. Television Alastair Mabbott. Theatre Sarah Hemming. Mark Fisher. Travel Kristina woolnough Competitions Mark Fisher. Camera
Edinburgh Make-up Services. Cover Wyoming by Siobhan Davies/mom: David Buckland Cover Design Paul Keir.
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FROM FRIDAY 5 MAY CAMEO EDINBURGH
The List 5 ~ l8 May 19895