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Festival veterans
Lucy Porter wanted to be like Kate Adie but ended up being more like Lee Evans. That's what repeatedly coming to the Fringe does to you. She doesn't mind though . ..
he Edinburgh Fringe Festival
ruined my life. That sounds
melodramatic. but it's absolutely true. My childhood dreams were thwarted and my path to alcohol-related injury. the compulsive need to show off in public and thousands of wasted hours spent in the company of socially inadequate egotists can trace its roots in my first trip to the Athens of the North.
In the summer of 1992 I had won a place at Manchester University to study English with ambitions of becoming an lflVGSIlgéillVO war journalist. Kate Adie. Simone de Beauvoir and Germaine Greer were
TAKE 5
I CAN'T WAIT
FOR WEEK THREE OF THE FRINGE WHERE EVERYONE GOES MENTAL
my role models. I was a fierce and committed feminist. socialist and humanist. I had no ambition to become a humorist. but I nonetheless entered an essay competition in the London listings magazine Time Out to be a panellist for the prestigious Perrier Award (now. of course. the
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I had a friend who had experienced an ill-advrsed bunk-up with a very famous comedian in a comedy club toilet. so I took her experience as a starting point and wrote an essay about which comics I'd most like to be stuck in a toilet with and why. Puerile and stupid. my essay nonetheless won the pri/e il suspect because there were very few other entrants. comedy not being as huge as it is nowi and I found myself at the Festival.
After the best. funniest. most booze-fuelled month of my life. decided that I would make a life in or around the world of comedy. I've been coming to the Festival in one capacity or another ever since.
I started by getting a Job working for
the Perrier award as an administrator. My duties included delivering very weighty cases of champagne to award nominees. all of whom seemed to live on the top floor of tenement buildings in the New Town. iLee Evans will forever live in my heart as a lovely guy — he was the one who offered to help me carry crates of boom to other comediansi
Finally. I decided to bite the bullet and become a stand-up. | competed in the final of So You Think You're Funny against Johnny Vegas and Natalie Haynes. Lee Mack won. which I think was the right decision.
Lucy Porter, Pleasance Courtyard, 556 6550, 2—25 Aug (not 6, 13), 7.40pm, 5113-214 (£1 1.50- £12.50). Previews 31 Jul & 1 Aug, £7.
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FRINGE BENEFITS
Never one to do things by halves. Lynn Ferguson is performing not one but two plays at this year's liringe. Here are her top four survival tips
1 Take a publicist
Hopefully one that you know/like already. Failing that, steal someone else’s. If you don’t have one by the time you’re at the Fringe, loiter outside press parties with packets of Marlborough lights - you may be able to capture one. But stay away from Fraser Smith - he’s mine.
2 Bring your spouse
Admittedly, the whole long-term relationship thing is sometimes put to the test in Edinburgh during the month of August. Nevertheless, best have your spouse with you, so you don’t end up single, as well as skint, in September.
3 Bring a laptop with
internet access
Your one chance to discover important things happening outside your venue — hard though that may be to believe. Key words for Googling: Afghanistan, Iraq, Mugabe.
4 Do not bring your self esteem It is useless and will get you into trouble. Edinburgh is the biggest festival in the world. Don’t be over sensitive. Dive in and enjoy.
I Heart and Sole The Plan. Gilded Ba/loon Teviot. (568 i’()‘.’>’.’i’. (9-135 Aug wot i l, 18;, <1. l:3,’)lfi i/‘Ieari‘ i rm Sole). 53.30pm l he P/a/ii. 5‘70 5‘; .7 d‘ftf‘i'tb. Prewews ()‘O Jill—Q Aug, 5‘55.
Sleeve
The incredible hand-less woman! Was it a freak hand-dryer aCCident? Or a genetic mutation of great Uncle Albert's short fingers? No it is The Sleeve. lmbued with ancient and mystical powers, The Sleeve sh0uId scare off those rogue Ieafleters. Ball up your fists for maximum security.
The Hollywood
\Nith scarf. sunglasses and preferably a bll'Iy. be sinted accomplice. The l lell‘,‘.'.eo<l sl‘ozud proclaim your supremacy oxer the plebs on the Mile. ‘Don't yet. kiiou': who I am?‘ and 'Don't leech me, filth, or I'll sue' are suggested lines to aCcompany your disguise. Darling,
The 835ng
Mothers weridwule have an untapped weapon against publicity-thrusting pests, should they feel l-‘t/ppetry ()l the Pens is inappropriate for the little ‘un. Clamp your hands on the pushchair and remain IlinI'IITMKXI about baba .liirin‘iy's name and
The Cult
they don't stand a chance.
6 THE LIST FESTIVAL MAGAZINE ill .Jul i‘ Aug 2008
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Preclaiih ,oii: lone for the i‘earest leaflet seller in sight. Tlieii proclaim §.()iif love for Xeon. k.iig of Ni/iosk, suggesting that 'i exchange for the photocopied leaflet he is proffenng you can offer an OIIOH‘QIIO universe How does he like them apples"
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The Local
(Sio\.'-.':et'1 w.th gusto, ‘l in e here' can have an sufficrently startling effect On pigtailezi bands of is year Old Aii'mricans i,>raiidisi:-ng mutilated n‘iiisical versions of
St rakesi )Cét! e's comedies Foreigners seem to beiiene we are as rare a breed as Nessie and. as With all monsters. deem it safest to leave well alone.