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ALUN COCHRANE
We take the Glasgow-born comic aside and
whisper some questions in his lug.
What was the last thing you stole?
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hat’s your least favourite country? (i;‘:"".'-::-; ‘ "
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If you woke up tomorrow with one new ability, what would you like it to be?
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How many times in a day do you look in a
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What’s the punchline to your favourite joke
in this year’s show?
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What would be your ideal birthday present?
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When did you last laugh out loud while reading a book?
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What song would you hate to be played at
your funeral?
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14 THE LIST FESTIVAL MAGAZINE -'- ' ' . i .V
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Specs
To accompany her intense campaign to become the finest short—sighted person in the country, SUE PERKINS is launching her debut stand—up show. James Smart hears tales of boredom, boiler suits and badgers.
t was not an auspicious start. In autumn
1988. Sue Perkins~ lirst eyer stand-up gig
was interrupted hy' what her puhlicity tnaterial descrihes as ‘a strange and hunched ligure. dressed in a cerise New Romantic hoiler suit’. The ligure. ol‘ course. was He] (iiedroyc. As a career opener. it seems almost too comical to he true. "l'hat is true.‘ protests Perkitts. who is recovering from a large meal in her north London l‘lat. "l‘he hoiler suit tnay haye been a slight emhellishment by myself but she was certainly there and she was yery much a New Romantic. She’s only a year older than me hut she was acting like some kind ol‘ Syengali eyen then. Very much playing the hig "yeah. I know what’s what“.~
.'\ handl'ul of London preyiews aside. this l‘ringe marks Perkins‘ lirst solo gigs. ‘ll'l hadn’t met Me] 1 would haye started that in Wh’h’ and who knows where that would haye led. Possihly nowhere; possihly coronary heart disease and an early. tragic. alcohol-related death.‘ Instead. Mel and Sue went on to limit hree/y early al'ternoon entertainment show lie/i! Lune/1 and its mid-alternoon counterpart lure [.lllit‘ll. Between l‘)‘)7 and WW). the pair proceeded to peek oyer chel's’ shoulders. pester Various celebrities and instruct their audience to eat l‘or £3. While hardly a comedy henchmark. in the wasteland ol‘ daytime 'l’V' it shone.
"l‘he one that makes me laugh still is when we had Stephanie Beacham and Kate ()‘Mara on and we dressed entirely in Dynasty and Dal/us outlits. with lake nails and huge wigs. lip gloss and shoulder pads. And then we l'orgot that we were dressed like that. and tried to haye a normal conyersation with them and they were really ol'l'ended. hecattse ol‘ course we were interyiewing them in l‘)‘)‘) and all we wanted to talk about was JR and (‘rystal ('arrington. I think they were puhlicising some yery' worthy rep in ('hichester or something. some l‘orgotten Oscar Wilde play. and we were just not interested in talking ahout that. They ahsolutely hated tts iron] the word go.
'l'eleyision has not always been a friend to Perkins. 'l‘hen girllriend Rhona (‘ameron outed her on I'm a ('e/v/n'ily' (in Me ()ul (if/lend and she appeared on (‘t'lt'ln'ily [fig BI'UI/H‘I' alongside Mark ()wen. Melinda Messenger and Les Dennis. spending most ol‘ her time looking rather morose. ‘I just realised how quickly I get led up ill don‘t haye stimuli. I like to keep yery
husy mentally. otherwise | collapse yery quickly indeed.’
Perkins. deittli show should he eltotlglt to keep her occupied. ’l‘he suspicion remains that it may he tough lor her. that her lame is largely built on the easy chemistry that huhhlcd between her and (iiedroyc. Still. she is an e\perienced perl'or mer. and stints on Just a .lli/tult' and IIUH‘ I (hit Kim's/or l’ou." hardly suggest a comic unable to hold her own. Ask her it she is nery'ous. tneanwhile. and her concerns seem more related to eyeryday me than the precise demands ol a solo show. ‘l’ye worried about people heing disappointed in me since I was old enough to haye an opinion. or old enough to entertain douht. 'l‘hat’s part ol‘ the personality ol‘ most people who do anything like this I‘m a liying. All I can do is tell jokes ahout things that are true to me.‘