Interview: Brian Donaldson
The obvious first question. What’s with the new image?
I've streamlined a few tltittgs in my life: it's very sleek attd sltitty attd just sttits nty beittg a spokestttatt for tlte ttew tttillettnium. Actually. I got it cut as soon as I got the lice. They don't respond to the traditional shampoos any tnore. 'l'hey'vc gottett resistant attd mutated.
You haven’t played the Fringe for a fair while. Why the long absence?
It's Itot a long tinte in our years. With the Scottish life expectancy. yeah. But if you don‘t eat fried pizza and drink whisky every single hour then you‘d be OK. Still. haggis is my favourite dish in the whole world. I miss haggis. I'll find it when I get there. I‘ll get a haggis hound.
Does your current show have a title?
I was toying with these. ‘Emo Philips: One Man‘s Pet Stained Carpet ls Another Man‘s Twister (iame‘. ‘limo Philips: Feeling A Little Stiff'; that may be my favourite. ‘Essence Of Emo‘. ‘Emo-stentialism‘. ‘Emo-sexual'. 'Emo-therapy’.
What do you remember about your first shows here in 1989?
It was phenomenal. l was like The Beatles or something. I looked like all of them in a morphing machine. Now. I look like Paul McCartney. if he was ten years older. His hair colour is the one after grey. l’m Itot even sure that that colour is even in nature.
What are your good and bad memories of Edinburgh?
I remember getting up at IOam every morning attd seeing show after show of student prtxluctions. ()K. the other part. the thing I fondly rentember. Walking in the streets at midnight when the hubbub‘s over on the beautiful cobblestones under the beautiful moonlight with a woman on my arm. Does a policewoman count as female'.’ a You once made some cruel jokes about children: such as the one about enjoying going to the park to see the kids all running around and jumping up and down. And that they should have known the bullets weren’t real.
I love children. President Bush said that children are our nation‘s Ittost precious resource. I hope it never comes to that. We should conserve. so we don‘t have all the little kids fatttting us or powering things. No. I really love children. What do you give a kid with seven fingers on one hand'.’ Firecrackers.
Your website (emophilips.com) is very elaborate.
There‘s actttally a random iimo generator itt which you keep pressing a button like a pigeon itt a cage attd you keep getting a new joke each time iii a random order. I know there‘s some kind of mental illness fan | cart exploit with that. It‘s like what happens when you put a chimp near a toilet: they won't use it. just keep flushing it. That‘s quite similar to when George Bush goes to an an gallery.
Are you a political person?
You know the word ‘idiot”.’ It‘s from the (ireek for a normal man who doesn‘t involve himself iIt the political affairs of the community. he's just by himself. So. it's very important to take a part in the process of the world. lispecially with the L'nited States controllittg it. Though you gttys lead the world in cloning with the sheep. l’oot attd tttouth is so sad. It‘s like Salvador Dali. isn‘t it‘.’ All those sheep runtting arouttd on lire.
‘My body is a temple. Or at
relatively well- managed Presbyterian youth centre.’
Portrait of the artist as a young Emo: like The Beatles in a morphing machine
Like many Americans, have you stayed away from Britain because of crises such as foot and mouth?
The only ones who have stayed away have been the ones that are good at yoga. Should 1 be concerned? Should I make a reference here about wearing a rubber? I don't eat a lot of animal products anyway. I feel that my body is a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth centre.
Have you ever been a sporty type?
When I was a kid. I loved playing and watching baseball. Actually. my nickname was Mr Baseball. Because of the stitches iIt my face. Once I beat up the school bully with a baseball bat. Both his arms were completely broken. Which gave ttte the courage.
People have compared your act to Andy Kaufman.
That was very kind them. I think I've got the self-destructive personal life pinned down. Not sure about the act though. I really want to see Jim (‘arrey‘s Kaufman.
So, who would play you in the movie of your life?
Alan Cumming could play tne as a youngster attd Ali G could do the later years. Put some latex on his face. It would be like ('ltupli/t. Poor Robert Downey Jr. He's trying to kill himself. to die young attd be immortal like Marilyn Monroe and James Dean. But every time he ()l)s. some bttsybody calls the authorities.
Is it true that you’re a big fan of architecture?
Don't get me started on architecture: that's one of my real passions. If the Taliban blast away those Buddhas. they‘re nasty. If some rich American guy buys a building attd tears it dowtt. it's commerce. If the Taliban ltas just bought lhoselBttddltas aItd built a 7—H on them. everyone would ltave been fine with that. You‘re making money. that‘s good.
Do you worry if you go a day without thinking up a new joke?
Oh. yeah. Making jokes is a messy. sloppy. chaotic business but that's mainly what I do: the performing is easy. In the comedy clubs in the States. I actually perform for free. All the money I get is for having to listen to the last tett seconds of the act before me. I love making people happy. I sltould have been a bartender. really. I do a little Pro/ac business on the side. I help people question their existences. Depression is nature's way of making happy people stop what they‘re doing.
Emo Philips, Pleasance, 3-27 Aug, 8pm. ~ .4 ' ‘ THE LIST FESTIVAL GUIDE 9