ED BYRNE
He's big enough to take on five nights in Britain's biggest theatre, but ED BYRNE can't stop thinking small. The List took the Irish stand-up out to talk girls, dentists
and sea monkeys. Words: Brian Donaldson THERE ARE A LOT or PEOPLE our THERE wno CAN'T
stand Ed Byrne. A surprisingly large amount. At the time of his successful Fringe 98 show A Night A! The Opera. a Perrier panel judge told me that Byrne would win the award ‘over my dead body'. Last month. a fellow cast member of Johnny Vegas from The [fr/)ing/umz Cum/2 was equally as scathing: ‘Ed Byrne? He just gets up on stage and tells jokes. doesn‘t be? A bit dull. isn‘t it‘."
When Byrne gets covered in the press. he's either the subject of those personality" Q&As usually reserved for has-been gameshow hosts and celebrity chefs or the article eschews information about his job and focuses on the number of girls he humped during his time at Strathclyde L'niversity. Somewhere in the region of 100. if you're interested. ()ther objections revolve around his long hair. his youthful pallor. his sharp suits. Or the fact that he‘s not Tommy Tiernan or Dylan Moran or Dave Allen.
While much of his material deals with the foibles of
females (talking in bed. shopping in supermarkets. being forced to lie to your girlfriend). he's not exactly an Iron Jim of Davidson proportions (even if he was recently on the Cockney charm offender‘s show) while you could probably lit eight Ed Byrnes into a Bernard Manning. And you are unlikely to ever see him do a Chubby Brown and send shards of glass splintering into his audience. And yet. there are some who just plain loathe him. But. there are many more who adore him.
From humble Fringe beginnings in venues more akin to
Turkish bath cubby holes. he is set to perform in front of
3.()()() folk a time for five nights at the Playhouse. To give this figure a bit of proportion. were he to sell out the lirst night. he'll be playing to more people that night than witnessed his complete runs of ()6 and 97. put together. Not that Byrne is getting cockin complacent. ‘lt‘s very easy to say you‘re going to do something and then you go ahead and fail.‘ he says. ‘Like when a single is going to be released and it‘s "set to be the biggest hit she's ever had“ (mock-draimttic tones) and until she sells them. she hasn't done it. There are actually 3()()() seats available for each show. So. I‘d better get the show written. then.‘
What you can be sure of in his show is the kind of
material born out of someone sitting around too much and reading reams of useless information. L'seless that is. until
20 THE LIST FESTIVAL GUIDE 3—‘10/“(3 2000
that someone is Ed Byrne. coming along and making people laugh over it. ‘Things like cats having two sets of vocal chords. one set for purring and one set for miaaowing.‘ he says between hangover-quashing mouthfuls of Caesar salad and chicken. ‘I was told the other day that the Scottish are the fifth most pure bred race in the world. which I thought was most interesting. Though. I‘m not 100% sure of that. At a guess. you would have to think that the Australian aboriginals would have to be up there.
‘And there will be a look at the mundanities of life. such as going to the dentist. having builders in your house and my mother is going to be in the show.‘ Some kind of anecdote about how she used to punish you for trying to shag anything that moved‘.’ ‘No. actually in the show. with a walk-on part.‘
There will be no place on stage. however. for his favourite organism. ‘My girlfriend murdered my sea monkeys. they were on the window sill and she knocked them over and they were smeared down the window.‘ he recalls. ‘My mother used to have sea monkeys though. quite healthy ones; they were mating and everything; she has ‘Sea Monkeys: The Next Generation‘. I just like the idea of having a pet you don‘t have to look after. [just love the whole concept of the sea monkey.
‘Nostalgically. I remember seeing the adverts in Marvel comics years ago. which was back in the day when they were allowed to really lie about things like sea monkeys. And then they became more widely available here but they had to start being honest about them. They'd have this picture of them smiling at each other and the caption would say: “depiction is fanciful". What a great phrase: “depiction is fanciful".‘
And criticising Ed Byrne for getting up in front of people and being funny is ludicrous.
Ed Byrne (Fringe) Edinburgh Playhouse (Venue 59) 0870 606 3424, 8—12 Aug, 8pm, £6-£1S.
Stand Up For Freedom (Fringe) Ed Byrne/Arthur Smith/John Shuttleworth/Julian Barratt 8. Noel Fielding, Assembly Rooms (Venue 3) 226 2428. 23 Aug, midnight. £12.50 (£10.50).